How to sort this shit out

[Bigglebiggle]

DSC is with us every other Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
Me and DSC mum generally get on well but lately her lapsy daisy attitude is getting under my skin.
Mum does drop off at school on Wednesday and i collect, then i do drop of and pick up on Thursday, DH in friday and drop of on monday, mum does collection from school on Monday. Mum is main point of contact for school.
Last wednesday I picked up DSC and on the way home they told me there was a bake sale at school, and the teacher gave them free cake. when asking why it was free, they said because mum forgot to give me some money, DH gave him some to take the next day to make up for this. We provided a school PE kit they are supposed to wear every Monday, it's never in their bag wednesday for hand over and therefore we have to provide a PE kit every other week, when asking mum why they don't have their PE kit, the response is 'I forgot'. This is the same with swimming stuff. Picked them up from school on a wednesday to be asked if we could ensure homework is done, apparently it hasn't been completed in over a week. Also could we continue to write in their reading diary. We do homework with them every week and reading every night they are with us, we then document in reading diary, told mum what the teacher said, her response was 'I keep forgetting'
It's so frustrating as DSC is the one this is effecting but neither me or DH do not know what the answer is. We can't stop sending them in PE kit as they will be the one that will get told off, same with swimming as they will be the one missing out. Part of me wants to turn round and just say not my circus, but I feel awful and frustrated on their behalf.
So wise People, what's the answer?

Can they keep their PE and Swimwear in the cloakroom until they go to yours on Wednesday instead of bringing it home to mums?

It'll be less annoying having to wash it and get it ready than to go out and buy another set.

That's an idea, will save us a lot money

Doesn't solve all the other issues though.

How old is DSC?
How is their life with mum generally? If she can't remember that her child has homework it sounds like she might be struggling.

I have no tips but I feel your pain as I'm in a very similar position.

It's mentally exhausting having to think about not only what the DSC need at/from your house, but also what they need from their DM's. Drives me and DH mad.

My ex used to be like this constantly. Every time, I made him bring round the things he'd forgotten. Even if it was half an hour before they had to leave for school.
If she forgets, she needs to sort it out. I'd check the night before, which gives her chance to deal with her own forgetfulness. Stop picking up after her.

Why is only mum listed as contact? Get the school to add your names for any school emails/dates. School needs to contact both if they have any concerns and not expect another parent to pass on the information.

When my child was in primary their pe kit stayed at school until half-term breaks when it came home for washing, is that a possibility?

You can't get their mum to step up, all you can do is do your best during your contact time. It won't hurt the kids if she never reads to them but you do read with them.

No idea about swimming. Maybe school can come up with an idea especially if they have other split parents where it works for them.

I'm assuming you live close since you're both able to do school drops offs. If the kids don't have their PE kit on the Wednesday when you collect, ask their mum to drop it off. If they only need it on a Monday she has plenty of time to do that. Same with swimming stuff.

Get yourselves added as a contact for the school.

Aside from that, there's not much you can do about her "forgetting" to do their homework or not reading with them. You can only do your best on the time you have them with you. What age is DSC? Are they of an age that they can do their own homework or remind their mum?

If she's generally a good parent it sounds like she may be struggling for some reason. If you're on good terms with her why not have a conversation and make sure she's ok and if there's anything you can do to support.

I think you need to try and let things that happen on mum's time go. That's how she wants to parent on her time so it's her choice.

As PP said ask for pe kit to be kept as school until your pick up day

Yep, agree with asking if it is okay for PE kit to be left in school until your next pick up. Also, why doesn't your husband ask to have a quick chat with the class teacher? Inform them what you have said here and see if the teacher is aware that things are completed and available when in your care but not when in mum's care. They may have support they can offer to either your house or hers?
In terms of handing in money late for charity events like that - just carry on with that I think. That's what we do, if we find out SS hasn't taken money in when he should have then we encourage him to take it from here late. Obviously we can't pre-plan for that regardless of whether we know it is coming up, because we won't know she hasn't sent him with money until after the event.

School definitely need to know what is going on if it is becoming a problem because they may have their own concerns and things they want to do. It will help them build a bigger picture of how things are.

How old is he?

you can't make her step up, all you can do is keep minimising the impact it has on him & you. Lots of suggestions already. Could you ask the teacher to look after a full coin purse & give DS the money as he needs it?

you definitely need to be in on the school contact stuff.