Blended family

[Motherhood86]

Hi all my Son and I recently moved in with my partner of 6 years and his Son. Mostly its very good BUT today we were meant to be spending the coronation as a family then we argued and he said he would just take his boy off to visit some family (leaving me and my Son home on coronation doing nothing) I said if he does that we are over..then said I didn't mean it, obviously a stupid thing said in anger. Anyhow we kinda moved on but still not in great place and this evening argued again in bed.
He has got up and gone to sleep in his Son's bedroom. Our boys are both teenagers. I'm fuming as whatever is going on between us he seems to take with or go with his Son and just highlights the fact we're not a family and it's 'my Son, your Son' where I think we should be the parents and they the children. Am I wrong to be really upset by this? Feels like he is causing a divide.

OP, you do not instantly become the parent of a teenager simply because you move in with his dad. It would seem that living together has complicated your relationship. Better to step back and live apart if that is what it takes to keep your relationship on an even keel.

Why couldn't you and your son move forward with your plans without your partner and his son? Why would you view it as being left alone? If this is a new move, it shouldn't be too hard to get back into your old or new digs?

I'm suprised the teenagers are doing their own thing. I also think your trying too hard to merge as a family unit.

Aren't

What was the initial argument about? Do you argue a lot? Both of your reactions were very dramatic and dysfunctional, is that stress from the recent moving in or are you both usually quite knee jerk in your reactions?

Also not sure why him going out meant you didn’t have anything to do today. We ate picnic food in front of the tv then went for a walk once it was over, like most people we know.

You won’t blend with teenagers. You definitely won’t blend if the communication in your relationship is so fiery and destructive. Your kids are watching you and probably finding the whole thing massively unsettling.

We could have but we don't often plan to spend the day together and it felt important to do that on 'special' days. We don't have a TV yet as front room is being done up so if they had gone would have left os at home not doing much- he also could have included my Son by at least inviting him: my Son has met his family before.

I think YABU overall.

If your children are teens they are surely used to doing things with just their parent, they won't view the partner as their parent and may prefer being with just their parent. Even if they don't, it should at least be "the norm" to them.

I have to say, if I'd had a raging row with my DP that included threats of breaking up, the absolute last thing on the planet I would want to do is take my DSS out without DP, to see my family. The best place for him in that context was with you. Your DP would have been resentful and possibly prickly with him, and your DS would have just witnessed him falling out with his mum, aware of the tension, and probably feeling pretty awkward. They're not oblivious little kids, they're too old for you to just pretend it isn't happening. Your DP obviously doesn't view your son as his kid, and it's very unlikely your DS views him as his dad. Why try and force it?

And lastly, how special can two teenagers view the coronation as, that watching at home with their mum wouldn't satisfy? I know there was talk of street parties but I don't actually know anyone that's done more than just watch at home, especially of that demographic.

Having said that, it would be interesting to know what the row was about, as that could change minds on who was reasonable and who wasn't.

Why would you be left at home doing nothing? Why couldn't you make your own plans?