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Step-parenting

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Sd may be coming to live with us

2 replies

Alishanty · 17/02/2008 21:34

Dp has an 11 yr old dd from a previous relationship. Up until now the arrangement was she was with her mum during the week and with dp at weekends. This came about as a result of a courtcase when sd was a baby. Up until recently we lived 25 miles away so sd had to be back at her mum's on a sunday, ready for school on monday. Often her mum wasn't in but her 16 yr old brother was. Now we have moved back to the area and sd has been staying round a bit more. This weekend she went to MIL's and MIL was supposed to drop sd off at her mum's but turned up with her round ours as the ex wasn't in and nor was the brother. Sd has now admitted to her dad that her mum is never in, she is always down the pub, every night and does not get back until late, often she is left in the house on her own as her brother goes out. She has always protected her mum up until now. Dp quite ubderstandibly is saying sd should stay with us. I am quite worried as dp is not working, having left his job due to moving. We have an 18 mth old ds and I am pg. We are waiting to see if we will receive any benefits and whether we will get full housing benefit. There is a chance they may not recognise sd (even though he has joint custody) as we don't get the child benefit. We need a 3 bed house due to the children's ages. I'm just annoyed that her mum can be so irresponisible, she doesn't even know where her kids are most of the time, justs spends all day every day in the pub with a different boyfriend every week. The stress of it all is really getting to me as I am pg and I'm worried how we will make ends meet.

OP posts:
Lulah · 17/02/2008 22:30

looks like sd really needs to be with you guys regardless of expense. If she lives with you your dp can claim the child benefit and of course your housing needs will change.
Yes the birth mum sounds irresponsible but the poor girl needs her daddy and you now try not to let your resentment of the bm interfere with helping the child . Have been there and took two sc on full time ,its hard at times and i despise the bm for what she did but i give all our kids all i can and hope as we grow as a bigger family ( i have three of my own)we have a better life all together .good luck

Hanie · 17/02/2008 23:25

Sounds like my SD's mum, she moved in with us when she was 9. It was easier for me then as I didn't have any other kids then, (have 2 now ). TBH we're in a similar position as you as my DH is out of work. Regarding the bedrooms, we currently have a 2 bedroomed place (we are waiting to move into a 3 bedroomed) and my DD1 who is 5 shares with SD who is 15. Although it's not the best scenario it does work, and SD is great if DD1 has a nightmare she lets her get into her bed. DD2 (17 months) is still in with us, not ideal but ok in the short term.

As for CB you would definately get this if your SD moved in with you and then would get the necessary CTC on top too. Good luck, it is probably very stressful for you being pregnant but you would be doin a good thing.

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