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Original poster

New hobby.

19 replies

Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 15:42

I have a DSS (8) and a DD (6).

A relative is going to pay for DD some lessons for a new hobby she would like to try. I think DSS will want to take part too and we can’t afford it. AIBU to go ahead with DD lessons and tell DSS he can have the same for his birthday next year (this years already been)?

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nofusspot · 01/05/2023 15:43

I wouldn't even bother making it an option for DSS unless they ask for it then say for their birthday. Both kids need to be able to recieve things from their relatives with no guilt attached.

DidyouNO · 01/05/2023 15:48

I know you've written this in step parents but I just wanted to say that my four children have always had to accept that I couldn't always afford for them all to do something at the same time just because a sibling was doing it. Sometimes they had to wait for it to be affordable, more age appropriate or just not for them. It's a good life lesson for all concerned.

Original poster
Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 15:57

Thanks - would it make a difference if DD was really DT so both would be doing the hobby but not DSS?

sorry to drip feed, trying not to be outing but this is relevant on reflection

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 01/05/2023 16:03

Your childs relatives can pay for what they want they don't have to pay for everyone

aSofaNearYou · 01/05/2023 16:04

Does DSS live with you? It wouldn't even occur to me to worry about this tbh, both DD and DSS do loads of things the other doesn't, in fact they don't really do the same of anything.

frazzledasarock · 01/05/2023 16:07

You can’t afford it.

you're not even paying for your DD’s regardless of how many there are.

how would your DSS be able to do the hobby then? There’s no money to pay for him.

if he asks suggest for birthday/Xmas.

Original poster
Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 16:09

I think I’m more aware because there will be two doing it vs one not IYSWIM

Thank you though, I feel better now

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 01/05/2023 16:11

What’s made you doubt it? Has your partner pulled his face about it or is it you yourself who is worried?
You shouldn’t deprive your DD of this opportunity. Both children have different maternal families, and as such they will never always have the same. If DSS’s maternal relative offered to pay for him to do a new hobby, it would just happen no questions asked and there’s nothing you could do to stop it.

Your DD deserves the same. Let her do the hobby!

WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 16:13

If dss is with you when the girls do their hobby then can your h do something else with him one on one as a distraction ?

Original poster
Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 16:16

@funinthesun19
no, I just feel that DSS will think it unfair that DT get to do something and they don’t. DSS do do lot with mum and have a hobby/lessons there.

@WheelsUp
thats what I thought, even if it’s crafting or something. It would be nice for him to have more one on one

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 01/05/2023 16:27

no, I just feel that DSS will think it unfair that DT get to do something and they don’t. DSS do do lot with mum and have a hobby/lessons there.

That’s all you need to say to him if he questions it. “You do xyz which you enjoy.”
Everyone gets to do something they enjoy now. It sounds fair to me.

The one to one idea is a good idea. But really, the hobby shouldn’t really be seen as something that needs to be made up for out of guilt.

nofusspot · 01/05/2023 16:38

Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 15:57

Thanks - would it make a difference if DD was really DT so both would be doing the hobby but not DSS?

sorry to drip feed, trying not to be outing but this is relevant on reflection

So your two children's relative wants to pay for them to do a hobby but not the unrelated (other than through you) dsc?

Absolutely fine and dandy.

Original poster
Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 17:09

@nofusspot
its for their birthdays too, not just randomly paying. It’s instead of a physical present ie toy

OP posts:
Beamur · 01/05/2023 17:11

I think if he shows an interest, it's fine to offer it on the same terms - as a birthday gift

nofusspot · 01/05/2023 17:12

Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 17:09

@nofusspot
its for their birthdays too, not just randomly paying. It’s instead of a physical present ie toy

Even more absolutely fine. If the DSC wants to do it then they can ask for it for their birthday

Original poster
Notinthemoney · 01/05/2023 20:00

Thank you I feel better now

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 01/05/2023 21:22

I think that’s fine, especially as he does have other hobbies and what not.

Fizzy196 · 03/05/2023 14:03

Don't give it another thought. Your child shouldn't have their life restricted because of DSS, let your DD do it.

MeridianB · 04/05/2023 11:53

nofusspot · 01/05/2023 15:43

I wouldn't even bother making it an option for DSS unless they ask for it then say for their birthday. Both kids need to be able to recieve things from their relatives with no guilt attached.

This. Don't worry about it.

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