Question about maintenance for adult children

[Anuta77]

Were not in the UK, but I wonder how other people deal with helping adult children.

My DPs sons are 23 and 20. Both live in the mothers house, study and work.

My DP pays to the gouvernement which forwards the money to the mother. The mother decided to take off to another country indefinetely to play mother to her single brothers new born baby. Here, she owns a duplex, rents out the top and the basement and even her room in the flat where the sons live. Basically, it pretty much pays for the house which she would have with or without her sons. Shes not selling it as she doesnt know if things will work out for her in the other country.

When DP mentionned that he should stop paying maintenance (but he would obviously help his sons independently), she got upset and said: go explain to the gouvernement that your student sons will be maintained only by their mother.

Now, I dont see why if the mother is in another country and I guess sends some money to the sons (who also have to manage the rent and all her business), my DP can not also help the sons on his side. Isnt it about making a budget and see how much money they are missing?

At this age, I was already paying my own expenses and studies. Whereas SS travel, one has a somewhat expensive hobby and a big dog, another owns a car, the other is paying driving lessons, phones, outings, etc. Its not like they are struggling to feed themselves. They are actually taking their time with studies stretching them to be able to work more. Meanwhile, my DP is complaining about money.

How are others dealing with it?

The laws are obviously different where you are since the government wouldn't take money from one parent as child support. Is there a legal requirement to support your children until a certain age or until they finish their education?

I agree with your husband that any support goes directly to his sons. I'm assuming they are studying part time, when are they going to finish uni?

The reason it was done with the gouvernement was because years ago the ex brought him to court to ask for more money and it stayed like this.

It could be decided mutually at any moment that DP will just pay the sons on this side now that they are adults. The ex doesnt want this and DP is frustrated but is not insisting. I guess he doesnt know any better, so I was wondering how other people manage that.

Yes, they are studying part time by choice (no rush for them since everything is paid). The oldest will finish uni at about 25-26. The second will only start at 21.

I think in th UK child maintenence lasts until they are 16 or if still in full time education then 20.
Unless they have significant additional needs then I think in some cases it can be longer.
The rules might well be different where you are but they are adults now so really there should not be any need to pay child maintenence. It does not really matter that they are students as they will be mature university students and supporting themselves, child maintenance here usually only goes up to A-level.
If their Mum wants to keep financially supporting them, surely that is her choice rather than a legal responsibility- so it should be the same for the dad.
As they are adults, it doesn't seem right that the money is going to the Mum, surely it should go directly to them if he wants to continue supporting them.

You say the payment arrangements were made as a result of a court case. Was there a resulting court order? If so, I would have thought it would have an end date attached to it, I would be surprised if a court in any country would order indefinite payments.

As SS are students, your DP could/should support them directly.

I think it depends very much on the rules set out by the government so I'm afraid I can't really help there. From an England view- DH plans to start paying the amount he pays the children's mum to the children directly once they start university until they leave.

Cn your husband apply to have the court order changed?

Well, were in Canada, so here as long as the child is a full-time student, theres no age limit and apparently it depends on many circumstances (whether the kids still live with parents, the economical condition, etc.). I see that in the UK, people are supposed to be more independent which I think is right.
However, nothing states that the money has to go to the mother, I think my DP is getting manipulated. The mother is not that generous, she most probably makes the sons pay their share. And if they manage her rental business, its only fair that she gives them some financial assistance for their troubles.

I think it has to be done by a mutual agreement with the mother. Unless DP tells them that she left the country, but it seems that shes not cutting the ties with Canada, so he doesnt want it to be discovered.

ASk the sons - who pays the household bills, rates etc - if it is her, then probabaly fair she does get some monies towards their living expenses. If it is them then go to court.