How do you deal with selective eaters?

[worklifesupport]

DH and I have been together for 2 years and living together for 1. SD is currently 5 and lives with us 50/50.

We love having SD come and stay with us.
We are currently struggling with mealtimes.
Meal times are becoming harder to plan for. SD has a very limited selection of foods that she will eat. Over Christmas (which coincided with her mum moving house) she announced a new group of foods that she no longer wanted to eat, meaning we were down to: chicken nuggets, pizza, chips, cheese, pasta and peas.

From what I can understand, the selective eating began when DH spilt with his ex 3 years ago, but is getting worse.

Last night was incredibly hard. We were at DH's parents house and SD said that she was hungry. SD wasn't keen on any of the options. So I offered to go out and get McDonalds. SD refused to eat the fries saying that she no longer liked chips (and she also told us that she didn't like peas anymore either). It was a challenge trying to get her to eat anything. Not even a chip race ,which was fool proof a few weeks ago, worked. I never thought that we would be at the stage where McDonalds was a challenge.

We have tried everything (I think). We now eat meals together at the table. We all eat mostly the same food. I make sure that there is something that SD likes on her plate. I try and involve her in the cooking process (she thoroughly enjoys this). I separate foods which contain sauces. I use different cooking methods to try and avoid any burnt bits. I do panko crusted chicken nuggets for a healthier alternative. I give manageable portion sizes. DH isn't the most confident cook (usually defaults chicken nuggets and pasta) so it's up to me to try and get creative.

All meals are met with comments of 'This is disgusting' or 'I want to go back to Mum's house'. I know not to take these comments personally or to respond to them in the moment, but it's taking a toll mentally. I don't know where else to turn or what to try next.

Any advice, support or recipe suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

You learn to adapt things and realize they will increase their food options when they feel comfy. Mine still won't eat pasta in sauce but happily eats hot wings...

So, if you're having pasta bake, make them pasta with a little grated cheese on top. Keep chicken nuggets in the freezer. Mine also likes mozzerella sticks. Try raw reg or fruit or things like Nutella toast. If they only want a fried egg with cherry tomatoes then so be it. But if she only eats pasta with cheese and pizza when she's with you just go with it for now.

I have to admit I gave up trying to influence SDC to eat a healthier diet. It wasn’t worth the battle.
However, now there is an issue. I am pregnant and I don’t want my child to witness these ridiculous arguments and also become a picky eater , so I am not sure if I should try to fix diet before baby is born.

You won’t win in that one. That particular issue broke my marriage.

My suggestion would be to draw your boundaries around the arguments and how your husband is handling his picky eater now. Make sure he knows that he needs to figure out how to make mealtimes acceptable for everyone’s needs - not just his eldest’s pickiness.

My children are adults now-and it's interacting the things I look back on and think "I wish I hadn't made a battle out of that!" One of them is food. I am pretty sure if I had just said to my picky eater "OK- pasta shells [no other shape] with cheese and tomato ketchup again it is then" we'd have got through the picky stage much quicker.

@Normalmumandwife thats untrue and please don't perpetuate it. My son has ARFID. He would pass out rather than eat certain food.

Not all children will eventually eat. That’s just not true.

Many children start to get fussy or more selective about what they eat when they are two, so the age it happened is normal. It really doesn’t matter what relationship her parents do or don’t have now, they need to do the mature things and communicate to work together on this. Find out what and how she eats at home, and try to replicate that as best you can. Then you can look into whether she is doing it as a control thing or whether it’s a sensory thing or something else.

No, all kids will not eat if they are hungry enough. 🙄

OP give her the food she wants and will eat at your house. I’m not sure I would do all the involving in cooking etc as it’s making food a big thing. Let her pick the food she wants and feed her that. Don’t worry if it’s limited. And don’t take her to a massive supermarket, it’s too overwhelming. Choose somewhere smaller. And finally, tell her parents will have to grow up and get on to address this. Communicate about what she eats, and accommodate.