Phones

[SiSiG]

What do you do for your SC’s phones? Who pays, whose who monitors, what are the rules?

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MNHQ

Don't get involved as long as they aren't taking pictures of my child.

In regards to the parent they need to work out with their child's other parent what is allowed. If there is disagreement then it's up to each parent to enforce their own rules in their respective houses.

I wouldn't do anything because their parents are responsible for such things. Is there a huge backstory?

This. I literally have no idea. Why would I?

Not other than the parents and both the stepparents are involved in the children’s lives and we all believe in working together to provide consistency for them.

Getting a phone is a big step, and one that we might allow earlier than most households due to the children having two homes, because it means the parents won’t need to facilitate calls and we can all make sure everyone gets the right communications regarding homework or logistics.

It makes sense to discuss things like bills, insurance, data plans, which apps are allowed, who will monitor and when and how, and usage ground rules in advance to avoid inconsistency and ensure the children and the phones are kept safe. So I’m asking for what has worked in other blended families.

If you don’t know or don’t care then thanks, and that’s great if it works for you, but you probably don’t have much to add to the discussion.

Rude much.

I mean if that or a skimmed version of it was in the OP I would have answered completely differently.

Did you deliberately leave it all out so you could come back with it?

I don't understand.

I have never had any involvement in my SC's telephones. Their Mum very generously funded them and presumably had her own rules etc. If she had asked my DH for support on any rules he would have given it.

DH and Ex bought a PAYG one - they use data in the house mostly. There's some sort of Google app that means one of them has to approve the purchase before they can have the app. They took that off once eldest was 13 as she is very trustworthy. They know their phones can be looked at at any time and they have been. No photos of our shared child to be put on social media and we just have to trust them not to do that unfortunately. I'm pretty sure eldest DSC has a private Instagram account but it's not up to me to police that or any of it.

And we're telling you what's worked in other blended families. Which is that we leave it to their actual parents. It has nothing to do with you.

Yes if I'm honest I just stayed out of it but put my foot down re letting my DC use their phone and no photos on SM.

I missed your update.
Having mutually agreed rules etc at the outset seems very sensible.
For my own child - she's on a family tariff. Set amount of data (reduces the amount of unsupervised internet access) and unlimited calls/texts. Second hand iPhone bought outright.
Had her own phone from going to high school. If you're going earlier due to your set up I would seriously consider being very restrictive around data and make sure you have parental control and rules around not changing passwords etc.
Don't let them get apps they're too young for.

Thanks, that’s helpful. It’s been a long time since we had anything but monthly contracts but perhaps PAYG with a calls allowance would be straightforward. The approval app sounds ideal. How old were they when they got their own phones?

Bloody hell I didn't think this hard about my own daughter's phone when she got it.

We usually split the costs of big items so I’m pretty sure their mum will want to split phone costs too. It’d probably be easiest to have them on a family tariff but as they’re mostly at their mum’s I don’t think they could be on ours (insurance might not be valid?) and it might be tricky to separate out their specific costs.

They’re in year 5 at the moment and we’ve all discussed that the start of year 6 would be good. But they seem so young! Rules like phones downstairs at night and only very limited apps seem sensible but I’m pretty out of touch which what apps they’d even want.

When they turned 11 or the eldest was the summer holidays before they turned 11 due to all the covid lockdown rubbish. The PAYG allows them to pay for their own top ups. I wouldn't let my own I don't think but I might feel different at that age. It's WhatsApp and Instagram you have to keep an eye on mostly.

Phones with parent at night seems a good rule. In a box maybe. PAYG cheapish phone to start. Make sure to disable in app purchases however you do that!

Basic phone PAYG - I pay as EX too flaky
Limited dta to start with and a review of sites visited on a weekly basis
Find my kids installed
Anything bad - rudeness on socil media etc phone went for a week.

They learned v quickly

I dont get the no photos of their sibling bit, they can take but do not post on social media

I & ex gave ds a payg phone which ds chooses to carry only when he goes on school trips or when he needs his digital covid vaccination record.

Ex's new woman bought ds a second phone on a contract, without discussing with either of us, which ds brought home and left under his bed, still in its box.

I gave it to ex to return because
a) ds doesn't want it.
b) it's a waste of ex's money
c) it's not her place to make those decisions.

Generally I'd leave it to the parents and the dc to decide what works for them.

Our SD will get a basic Nokia with no internet age 11. Not sure about the credit side of things though but I expect some kind of Giffgaff monthly plan, usually cheap and unlimited.

I've read quite a bit about this and would recommend for phone safety - give the child use of the phone rather than ownership. They can use it when out and about etc, but stays in the living room at home, never taken to bed at night. Still belongs to parents and parents can look at messages whenever.

I don't think children should have sole use/personal ownership of a phone, for safeguarding reasons. I also don't think there is any reason to give a phone with internet access - text and calls to parents numbers is fine.

This is my general opinion for all children and not just step children. SD mother and stepfather share these views as does my husband.

Ds is in year 6 and had a phone last year, mostly so he could contact me when he’s with his dad if he wanted to. My husband actually pays for it as Ds dad wouldn’t have (flakey) and it provides us peace of mind when he visits his dad that he is okay. When he’s at home it lives in my handbag or on my desk during the week, and he can have it as part of his tech time at weekends. We are currently on holiday and he can have it to use for photos but that’s about it.

app wise, he has tik tok and YouTube on there (closely monitored) and WhatsApp. The rest are games like minecraft / Fortnite etc.

he knows that it’s his phone but it’s not a given right that he can use it, and that I will randomly check all his messages etc.

Another point, my step daughters also have phones but are much older - we pay for those out the joint account, and they basically crack on with them as they see fit and as their mum decides. We don’t have phones up the table at our house, but that’s a family rule, and i wouldn’t dream of checking their phones. Snapchat is the main one they have, which we are uncomfortable with, but aware it’s what all their peers have.

Me either. DH funds DSCs phones but no idea what rules he and their mum have decided amongst each other. Nothing to do with me.

I have enough to think about when it comes to parenting my own children, no way could I be arsed getting this involved with parenting two more 😂

My children have contracts set up by their dad which he pays for (well actually his mum does I think!) - he has set them up under his family account which can cause some problems sometimes such as if they want to purchase anything they have to go through him etc. i have set up privacy on the apps though and control the usage and apps. I am quite relaxed in regards to usage though. I will say he got them at age 10 I think for the same reason you were stating to contact them which did cause a few issues in the start and sometimes still does as our Co parenting relationship isn't great and he actually only contacts and arranges through the children's phones now which causes problems as they are still immature and don't always pass messages on etc so can be hard at times.

My new partner's children mum pays for their phone contracts and actually the phones are not even allowed to be brought here. Ex does have their numbers to message and call but doesn't always get a reply and I think they are a lot more restricted on use however we don't really know.