Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

My fabulous dad.

17 replies

Howtostart · 23/03/2023 20:36

I want to write this because there is so much negativity on these sites.. and I want to post something really positive.

My dad died on the 5/3 .. not my actual dad .. my stepdad. He married my mum after my actual dad has died in 1979 when I was 14...

They married when I was 18 and was the absolute beacon holder of what a step dad should be.

Never tried to replace my dad . Super supportive in all things .. above all an actual grown up adult male ..

I absolutely adored him .

My mum loved him beyond all else and only lasted a week without him..

We are having a double funeral exactly as it should be... (I will post about my amazing mum separately because this is about step parenting)

Please .. believe there are good men out there . I was immensely blessed with one of them .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lookluv · 23/03/2023 21:26

Take care - beautiful post

smileladiesplease · 23/03/2023 21:28

Oh what a lovely post about your step dad but so very sorry you have lost them both so quickly.

They must have loved each other very much snd you too. Heartbreaking for you xxx how lucky though to have been parented by these wonderful souls.

They are still around you op always will be. Wishing you strength snd love for tomorrow xxxx

Hazey19 · 23/03/2023 21:29

Beautiful. Lots of love and strength to you xx

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 23/03/2023 21:30

❤️

Warmcandle · 23/03/2023 21:31

Your step dad sounded wonderful, nice to hear a positive story that demonstrates that not all men are rats!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 23/03/2023 21:31

All my good wishes OP

excelledyourself · 23/03/2023 21:32

Sorry for all that you are going through, OP

I hope it gives you some comfort that neither of your parents are grieving for the other, and that they are together (if that's something you believe in).

It sounds like you had a lovely relationship, and will have many fond memories to look back on.

PumpkinParent · 23/03/2023 21:37

Indeed a beautiful post about two wonderful souls. Thank you for telling us about them. And my condolences on your loss.

Paesano · 23/03/2023 21:41

What a lovely tribute, he sounds like a wonderful man. I'm sorry for your losses, sending love and thank you for sharing.

Coxspurplepippin · 23/03/2023 21:45

Sorry about your devastating losses. Your stepdad sounds like a wonderful man.

DebussytoaDiscoBeat · 23/03/2023 23:56

So sorry for your losses and thank you for posting

Littlefish · 24/03/2023 00:16

@Howtostart my parents-in-law died with a similar time gap and we too held a joint funeral.

I just wanted to wish you strength - the funeral, whilst absolutely fitting was very hard going. Having two coffins at the front of the church and in the hearse was incredibly painful to see.

I hope the service goes smoothly for you.

Enko · 24/03/2023 00:19

So sorry about your losses and yes step families cab also be a whole lot of love and goodness.

MissingMoominMamma · 24/03/2023 00:21

I’m so sorry for your double loss.

My step dad (from age 3) is absolutely my dad. I love him without measure.

Fluffodils · 24/03/2023 21:32

Sorry for your loss

Original poster

Howtostart · 24/03/2023 22:05

Thank you everyone for such kind messages.

I am sure the funeral will be hard. It has t all set in yet. I think the funeral will change that .

The point of my post was to assure people that step families are not all a nightmare. I have 3 step siblings although after such a long time regard them as my brother and sisters .. we have been in absolute lock-step throughout their illnesses and deaths . The trick (in my view) is to keep talking .. and asking each other's opinions and advice ..

OP posts:

lostintranslation574 · 27/03/2023 17:45

Hi,

I am an avid reader of posts on here but have never posted myself until today as your post really caught my attention.

I lost my wonderful step-dad early last year and have to agree with everything you have said about what positive influences some step-parents can be in a childs life. My mum and step dad never married but were together for over 25 years until he passed. My biological dad has been an utter waste of space and in and out of my life but my step dad was consistent. He never tried to replace my dad but he taught me so much, supported me through all of my huge life milestones and more importantly than anything he loved my mum in such a way it taught me not to settle in relationships. They were nothing short of soul mates and I am so proud of her for carrying on each day after his passing, even though I can see her pain. She has been tremendously brave through everything and I know she misses him so very much as we all do. He was truly the most amazing, kind, generous, loving man who has left a huge gap in all of our lives. I wish my children had had more time with him, he was only 59 and newly retired due to ill health so he had so much he still wanted to do with my mum. She seems so lost now without him and as much as I try and help fill her days and support her I know it is not the same without him.

I cannot imagine what it would have been like to lose my mum so soon afterwards, she is my rock. I wish you and your family so much love and support and hope you can take each moment as it comes and not put too much pressure on yourself. xx

Flip