Teen DSC and plans

[Fluffodils]

The 2 DSC are here EOW and holidays.

A few times now one of the DSC has decided to just come one night instead of 2/3 or go home part way through holidays- absolutely fine with us, and DH fine to do extra travelling to facilitate this. We see this as them getting older and making their own decisions on their time.

All going fine. But now there's a weekend coming up next month where we've planned something on the Saturday and DSC 1 had decided to do something else on that day and come in the evening instead. We've booked it, me, DH, DSC 2 and DC. DSC1 was fine with that. But mum has kicked off telling us to rearrange it and how unfair it is not to treat all the children in the family the same.

I see it as DSC1 had a choice at the time and chose. DH is now stuck in the middle and feeling guilty.

I guess I'm asking what you do, do you try and book things especially for when everyone is there or do you just carry on with life and if people want to opt out for something else then fine but you don't move it?

This. Honestly, nothing would ever get arranged otherwise and teens are so bloody fickle.

Before I get shot down for being an awful step-mum, this rule applies to my own teenage DC too.

Everyone is invited, if you decline and then change your mind, if you can be accommodated then you will be but if not, then it's tough really.

Is the issue actually that the mum has plans and wants a free house? Is the SC old enough to be self-sufficient?

She’s batshit. They’re old enough to decide if they want to do XYZ or not and to understand it will go ahead in their absence.

Yeah that's what my parents did. I don't see why the step aspect should make it any different

I don't think so. So mum has told us to move it to the Sunday as its not fair for DSC to miss it. Even though they were perfectly fine to miss it.

Has DH pointed out that it was SC1’s choice not to come? Maybe the mum’s getting another message and the SC has changed his or her mind?

I would just ignore the mum and go ahead with your plans. It's not any of her business.

Tell the mum to mind her own business - she’s being a drama lama

If the DSC is OK with it then I'd ignore the mum and carry on, she doesn't get to dictate things to you like this.

It's hard to tell if DSC was ok with it until mum started stirring!

Or how about she minds her own business!

I mean even if DSC isn't OK with it I wouldn't re-arrange plans they had been invited to and declined.

I'm a parent of 3 and regularly did something with one or two kids because the other(s) weren't interested. Since they can be trusted at home I just let them stay there if they wanted.

You don’t see them very often so I would arrange it for when they are all there

There are consequences to changing your mind. They know the plan and decided not to come. Don't change your life to accommodate other people because that is a slippery slope where a child dictates your life. That applies to all children whether DSC or not.

Also your house your rules. Mum cannot kick off if she's that bothered she can take them! Does she expect everyone to march to the beat of DSC drum? What if school friends make plans do they have to delay them until DSC decide they are ready to go? That is not how life works and kids need to realise this!

Carry on. Ignore the mother.
Your house, your rules. The world does not revolve around the fickle whims of teenagers.

If its not convenient for you to change plans, dont change them (although I dont like the principle of changing my plans to accomodate people who find something more interesting to do when I invite and expect me to accomodate them). Like someone else said, there are consequences of changing your mind. There are times when my own teenager declined to go with us and later regreted as finally our activity sounded fun, but that was his decision. Next time, he made an effort to come.

Also, the mother has no business dictating your activities. Not to mention that she should be teaching her child about the consequences if your DSC complained to her. And if he/she did complain to the mother, they should learn to talk to you and not involve a third party.

She doesn't get to decide how you run plans in your home.
End of.