Telling DSD's about pregnancy.

Brihjuf · 2023-02-03T20:49:20+00:00

Hi all. I'm 24 weeks pregnant with DH. This is a much loved and planned for baby. I am high risk and so only told immediate family at 12 weeks . I'm talking grandparents only. DH has two kids aged 8 and 6. We didn't gell them due to high risk of miscarriage. I didn't want to risk having to try and explain that to them if it did happen. I also wasn't comfortable with another adult I'm not close to knowing. Their mum. We have no animosity. But we are not close and again if the worst thing happened I didn't want her to know as its very private. I have managed to keep the bump hidden under big jumpers and I am quite petite so I'm not showing much. Now I'm 24 weeks I'm feeling much more confident. I also want to get the nursery ready and decorate. Any advice on telling DSD's going to tell them this weekend and not sure how to approach. They live 2 hours away so we see them EOW. I've been in their life for 5 years now but I have no idea how they will react.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsPutnamNaomiDarling · 03/02/2023 20:53

It's up to their father, surely.

quietnightmare · 03/02/2023 21:03

Hope all goes well for you OP.

It's up to both of you to decide how is best to tell them only you two know the children in question.

Get them a present from the baby ?

Play a game like pop the balloons and leave the big one until last that says your having a baby inside make it fun?

Maybe don't tell them just yet and when you see them say how lovely it would be to have another sibling and drop little hints sort of plant the seed to they aren't so shocked?

Tell them and then say they can guess if it's a boy or a girl and whoever wins gets a giat( but obviously give both of them a gift) so they feel involved

Tell them and then ask them if they want to go to the shop and pick out a gift for themselves and they choose one for the baby for when it comes?

Buy matching gifts/outfit/bag anything for the three of them and tell them why there is three gifts ?

It's a hard one because they may both be thrilled which is possible as they are young, may both not be happy so a fun even like a day out could take their mind off it or one could be happy and the other not so much, it's a gamble but don't stress yourself out too much it's not a stepchild thing only as many children in Family's where their parents are having another child can react in a good or bad way

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2023 22:37

When do you next have them? I’d just tell them, it’s not that long to go now. We told mine together, no fuss or twee stuff, just said we’ve got some news and we’re having a baby. There wasn’t any pressure on them to act in a certain way and we asked if they had any questions and said if they thought of any later on they could ask either of us at any time.

They were thrilled, suggested a lot of baby names and love their little sister.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and telling them.

Cuppasoupmonster · 03/02/2023 22:42

I wouldn’t turn it into an Insta balloon popping thing, that feels a bit pressured for them to be all happy and react ‘correctly’ when they’ll probably just be a bit shocked/surprised to start with.

I would just tell them over dinner (make sure it’s their dad who does this). Then reiterate how special they will be to the baby as big sisters, do they have any name ideas etc and make them feel a bit included. I would also encourage your DH to take them out a couple of times just the 3 of them before the baby is born for a bit of quality time.

Your baby is very lucky, having 2 older sisters! 😊

NewtoHolland · 03/02/2023 22:52

I would get them a little present to say how excited you are, and also be honest about how you know it might feel a bit strange too having a sibling that they see EOW, be gentle and kind and don't react if they aren't over the moon. I'd maybe get dad to tell them first just him and doing lots of encouragement about how special they are to him and then they come and find you and celebrate together?

then DH needs to tell ex wife while the girls are with you because they shouldn't have to break the news to their mum and cope with her reaction.

hourbyhour101 · 04/02/2023 07:49

Congratulations 💐

Tell them while you have them and get DH to text mum so if she has any feelings. She can process them away from the kids and via text she also doesn't have to put on a show.

You know I wouldn't preempt the kids reaction. Mn is very against step parents having a baby and the reactions you will ge vary.

DSD as thrilled I was pregnant tbh but we are pretty close with mum so I assume that helped a massive massive part.

If my Dd sm fell pregnant I would be thrilled for them and get them a gift. However not everyone is like this

plumduck · 04/02/2023 09:09

Both tell them together. Tell them it's ok if they aren't sure how they feel about it. Don't make it a big reveal thing. Then you go out for a bit so dad can chat to them by themselves and reassure them if they need it.

plumduck · 04/02/2023 09:09

Oh yes and DH should tell them he'll let their mum know.

aSofaNearYou · 04/02/2023 10:35

I'd just tell them you have some news, you're having a baby. No need to make it more complicated than that. Just take their reaction as it comes, it could go any way, my DSS was pleased. We've also never done the whole showering the older child with gifts, either with DSS or DD1 when DD2 was born, we don't really subscribe to that mentality. Just involved them a lot in conversation and gave lots of cuddles.

And congratulations!

ninjafoodienovice · 04/02/2023 10:45

Maybe have a think about what their priorities are and perhaps questions they might ask. Might they curious about how babies are made? Do you have a suitable age appropriate book to share that might help? Will they be concerned about where the baby will sleep and if it might interfere with their toys?
When we told my DSS that I was pregnant, DH and I were a bit surprised that he burst into tears. He was 8 at the time and didn't know a lot about babies. He thought the baby would wreck his Lego. Once we explained that babies can't move or do a lot for a while he was relieved and happy. We also said if we needed to we could put a hook on his bedroom door so that the baby couldn't get in whilst he was at school.
And that was literally that - can I watch tv now please was the next question. What you might find is that they have an immediate reaction but actually more questions will follow when they've had time to digest the information.
Definitely contact their mum and tell her so that she knows before they are returned to her at the end of the weekend.
Good luck and congratulations on your baby

P3N · 04/02/2023 12:06

I would get them a little gift each to tell them. If tell them with their dad and ask them if they have any questions. I'd also tell their mum AFTER you have discussed it with them.
Good luck OP, congratulations on your baby 💐

Marblessolveeverything · 04/02/2023 13:39

I would have their dad tell them on their way home so they can be with their mum if it hits hard.

They may be fine but they also may not be so I would plan for a wobble but hope for the best reaction.

Hope all goes well and that you can enjoy the rest of prepping for your baby. And refer all questions to dad on babies hopefully he and his ex have agreed their responses.

unicornsarereal72 · 04/02/2023 13:54

I had spent some time preparing my children their dad and new partner may want more children so it wasn't a surprise when it did happen. Eldest wasn't fussed. Older teen. Youngest was a mixed bag of being excited but also feeling pushed out. There is no room for them at dads house. So no longer sleeps over. Both took it in their stride though

P3N · 04/02/2023 22:11

unicornsarereal72 · 04/02/2023 13:54

I had spent some time preparing my children their dad and new partner may want more children so it wasn't a surprise when it did happen. Eldest wasn't fussed. Older teen. Youngest was a mixed bag of being excited but also feeling pushed out. There is no room for them at dads house. So no longer sleeps over. Both took it in their stride though

Surely their dad needs to get a bigger house? 🤔

TheChoiceIsYours · 04/02/2023 22:19

unicornsarereal72 · 04/02/2023 13:54

I had spent some time preparing my children their dad and new partner may want more children so it wasn't a surprise when it did happen. Eldest wasn't fussed. Older teen. Youngest was a mixed bag of being excited but also feeling pushed out. There is no room for them at dads house. So no longer sleeps over. Both took it in their stride though

Gosh I wonder why he felt pushed out?!

Bloody hell that’s horrible to even read 😢

quietnightmare · 04/02/2023 22:49

unicornsarereal72 · 04/02/2023 13:54

I had spent some time preparing my children their dad and new partner may want more children so it wasn't a surprise when it did happen. Eldest wasn't fussed. Older teen. Youngest was a mixed bag of being excited but also feeling pushed out. There is no room for them at dads house. So no longer sleeps over. Both took it in their stride though

I worried about the room situation regarding my step children and explained that one of them would be sharing with the new baby(depending on sex) and now I can't get any of the three of them to sleep in separate rooms as they all insist on sleeping together 🤦🏽‍♀️

unicornsarereal72 · 05/02/2023 19:07

It is what it is. I've no say in the sleeping arrangements. But it speaks volumes to the children about where they fit in.

hourbyhour101 · 05/02/2023 19:24

unicornsarereal72 · 05/02/2023 19:07

It is what it is. I've no say in the sleeping arrangements. But it speaks volumes to the children about where they fit in.

Depends on the details actually, if dad is in a two bed (because not everyone can magic up money for 3 bed rental) and the kids have to share and don't want to (so don't stay over) or if they are both made to sleep on sofa.

The details as always matter.

Not that you have to share of course.

If they are in a 4 bedroom house and have no room for DSC then naturally that's pretty piss poor tbh.