DSC refusing to see DH

[blingbing]

I don't want to drip feed so this will be a long one. Long time poster, but I've NC for this.
We have a schedule for contact with DSC for every other weekend Thursday night through till Sunday and twice a week over for their dinner. They are age 12 and 8.
Up until sept 22 contact had been very patchy, DH would turn up to collect DSC and his ex would say 'they don't want to come' or just ignore DH. She would also not allow DH to speak to the DC.
DH instructed a solicitor to start mediation and from sept contact started again.
Then out of the blue the DSC mum asked us to have the DSC for 2 weeks, which we did, then a few weeks later asked us to have them for a fortnight again, which we did and then we ended up having them again for almost a month.
Sadly once again contact went back to being patchy, but we had the DSC over christmas and had a really lovely time.
The DSC were really excited to come back again for dinner the following week and stay over the following weekend.
Since then we have had almost radio silence from DSC mum. One word reply's to texts about the kids or just no reply at all, to texts such as 'what days/ times are we having DSC for dinner this week' or 'are we still having the DSC this weekend and what time shall we collect them?'
We haven't seen the DSC since NYE when they went home to their mums.
DH has texted the DSC and had no reply, one of his DC has blocked him on WhatsApp for no apparent reason.
DSC mum has involvement with SW for reasons I won't go into, but DH has always supported this as best he can and we have dropped everything and collected DSC a few times as they have needed to come here while their mum needed a break.
DH was due to collect the DSC again today for contact and much the same as 2 weeks ago DSC mum said they didn't want to come ,but wouldn't let him see his DC. so DH texted them that he loves them and misses them and that he is here when they do want to come over.
About 5 mins after this DH had a phone call from the SW.
Apparently the SW was chatting to the kids when out of nowhere one of them said 'daddy smacks children' and the other one said 'daddy is going to kidnap us'.
The SW asked them what they meant and they replied saying ' daddy smacks children' the SW said who? And he replied 'he smacks ''name of our toddler''. The other DSC was also asked 'what do you mean' he replied 'if we go with daddy he will take us away from our mum'.
DH has never lifted so much as a finger towards our children and wouldn't dream of smacking them and we have certainly never suggested that we will take them from their mother.
The SW apologised and said ' I have to ask you because an allegation has been made, have you ever smacked your children?' DH was very upset and said ' no of course not'.
The SW does know our family and DSC quite well as DSC have been on his caseload for some time now, he said he wasn't concerned but will need to go through things as policy due to what has been said.
Two things stuck out to me

1. DSC said ' daddy smacks children' that's a weird statement to make, especially as it wasn't even remotely related to the conversation they were having.
2. The other DSC said 'daddy will kidnap us?'. Not 'daddy will take us' or 'I'm scared of daddy', this was the 8 year old and it's just really unusual language for a child that age to use.

Obviously I wasn't there when it was said but DH asked the SW if those were his actual words 'daddy will kidnap me?' And the SW said yes. In the past they have said comments to both myself and DH when they have been upset such as 'will you disown me?'. Again DH and I feel this is strange language for kids that age to be using. Our children are really missing their siblings, I'm missing the DSC and DH is an absolute wreck over this. We all love them very much and it's soul destroying to think they either have been coached to say something like this or they are just lying for some reason. We are beside ourselves with how to broach this. I am so annoyed and in anger told DH that I don't want them here again if they are going to make accusations like this. I feel terrible for saying that now especially as it has hurt DH. His DC are his world, DSC included. I'm torn between what I can do to support him and encourage DSC to visit us and saying No to them coming here in the future to protect ourselves from any further accusations.

It is probably a case of parental alienation which I am sure is what you are thinking. I think he may need a lawyer to sort out contact arrangements via court as I am unsure mediation will help this time.

Go to court and get a contact order in place.

DH has appointment with solicitor to apply for a child arrangements order. He has tried mediation and it hasn't worked so is now able to go onto the next step and go to court. I just hope whatever damage is being done to his relationship with the DSC can be healed.

It's sounds very much like their mum is poisoning the kids against him. I had the same situation. My DH and his ex had an informal 50/50 agreement that worked fine for a year. She then wanted to make changes that DH didn't feel was in DSDs best interests so she stopped his access to DD for 2 months until he let her have what she wanted. They ended up in mediation and with a court order.

When we eventually got DSD back she was saying things like "Daddy is smelly" "Daddy is bad", whilst being cuddled up with him. My older DSS also reported to us that his ex bad mouths us all the time.

There's not much you can do to control the DSCs mother's mouth, but you can show the kids that whatever she's saying just isn't the case. Shower them with love and never badmouth their mother back.

What my DSDs mum did has only resulted in DSD losing trust in her. If her mum tells her something and I say the opposite, 9/10 DSD will believe me. She'll make comments now like "mummy said this because mummy's silly".

It's a tough situation you're in. You definitely need to get a court order in place. It's disgusting how she can do this to her kids but when she needs a break expects your DH to drop everything and take them. Probably knowing full well he'd never refuse because he'll take any opportunity to see them.

Is the situation with SW bad enough that your DH may end up getting full custody? Does she perhaps know this so is trying to turn the kids against him thinking a court wouldn't award him custody if the kids didn't want to see him?

DH could potentially end up will full custody, especially as lately she won't engage with the work they are doing with her and DSC. Unfortunately SW keep giving her the 'tools' to help her and she just doesn't follow through with any of it.