Why do reactions to second marriage siblings differ

[SemperIdem]

I’ve noticed, in real life and across various threads, that children seem to react better to their mum having a baby with a new partner than they do their dad.

I can’t really work out why but it does play on my mind. My step children’s mum is expecting a new baby and they have all reacted fine (after the initial surprise) and my partner and I plan on having a child together after we marry. Based on what I have seen and read, I’m aware their reactions might not be the same.

My DSC ask us all the time to have a baby. But they live here 50-55% of the time and their mum is too old to have a baby anyway. I know they don't feel like they have their dad less with the split so I think that helps.

I was making a more general observation and meant "your" as in generally. "One" or "anyone" not you, specifically @SemperIdem

Ah yes, I can see I read it not as you intended, apologies. I think affair partners (and the parent involved) do need to be realistic about the damage and lifelong fall out their choices have caused.

I’m not really asking the question in a “how can I make them love my hypothetical baby” sort of way. More a “what can be done to make it an easier transition”.

That my partner is a very active and present dad seems a key factor based on the comments here. 50:50 arrangement between him and their mum, and daily contact via message or video call on mums weeks.

I actually think that having a good relationship with mum helps.

And my god me and mum have had some interesting times but she knows as a mum I have her back and she also knows I dot on DSC. Even then people made comments to DSD "don't you feel pushed out" and my poor DSD who has asd literally was driven around the bend and kept asking me why people kept saying that.

My simple answer was people are complicated and all that matters is how you feel. Luckily enough she will tell me stuff she doesn't feel able to tell mum and dad (hormones puberty ect)

In a sense her having asd has made is slightly easier because she's used to having quirks so quite understanding of their peoples quirks.

Communication is key a lot. A lot of its luck tbh.

It’s because their mum’s is their main home I guess. And it just feels like a normal family home where the siblings just feel like normal full siblings. Their mum is their primary carer so they will feel most secure in their relationship with her.

And it’s another reason why stepdads breeze through stepparenting. Because he can have a child with someone who is already a parent and there is zero drama e.g no silly in laws ignoring their youngest grandchild. It might be hard for the older children but it’s never the younger children’s fault, and meddling grandparents on the NRP’s side can sometimes make things worse in terms of there being a divide between the children.

I think there’s a worry that the stepmum will act differently when they have their own baby; I always put a lot into the weekends with DSD and after we had our own DC I still put the effort in but my time and energy was divided between all the DC. Luckily DSD loved having a sibling and we managed to make it work but it does change priorities a bit in a different way to how it does when it’s mum having the baby.

Because in adults eyes it always seems that babies come first.

Baby gets your room, you can't come since you have a cold... and baby.... Baby isn't settling, we'll get together soon. All the kids hear is baby, baby, baby.

I think you get very concentrated opinions on this forum. People who 've been abandoned for an OW etc. Perhaps it's less polarised in real life.

The notion that a man should only ever have children with one woman, even if he is widowed or divorced - too extreme for mainstream thought.

@Lkydfju

I think there’s a worry that the stepmum will act differently when they have their own baby

Reading threads here, this actually does happen quite a lot.
SM gets irritated or simply can't stand having the SC around one they have their own child.