When do people say enough is enough?

[JupiterFortified]

Step kids are 10 and 11.
Their mum has done everything possible to stop DP seeing the kids.
DP went though the court process and got access court ordered.
This has put mum into overdrive. She has now succeeded in making the kids hate DP and me. They hate seeing us and are miserable when with DP. Mum is constantly poisoning the boys to the extent that the relationship between DP and the kids seems impossible.

Where can DP go from here? The current situation is destroying him and it surely can’t be good for the kids.

Unfortunately once the kids get to secondary age so around 11 it needs to be their choice if they want to see their other parent.

Some kids stop completely regardless of what their parents think. I have friends who have tried to force their children to see their father.

Some kids stop for a few weeks to a few months. The kids realise both parents takes their relationship with them seriously and there may be a re-negotiation of contact.

Some kids continue with what they had from when their parents split up.

In your case I would make yourself scare for the next few months when they come over. Leave your DP to do everything and deal with them. They need to see that he can actually care for them on his own. If they still hate him when the youngest is 11, he needs to give them the choice of whether they want to continue seeing him as per the Court order.

If the mother is poisoning the children that's unforgivable however I would say that at that age I had huge fall outs with my daughter trying to compel her to go to her fathers and engage with his family (an order was made when we divorced over a decade ago). It did a lot of damage to our relationship. Ex was convinced I was ''poisoning'' DD and this was the basis of her refusal to go and / or sullen miserable attitude / refusal to engage with step family when she did go to his house.

Ex took me to court to try and get residence convinced I was alienating. DD perceived this as ex trying to ''force'' her and their relationship is in tatters now. The outcome was that DD was told it was her call to go or not go.

What exactly do you mean by enough is enough.? Are you suggesting your partner should give up on trying to see his kids?

How often are the kids with you?

Can you step back and let your DP solely spend time with the boys.

It's a very tricky age as they are in the cusp of being able to decide themselves.

Could your DP take them places they enjoy and perhaps be a bit hands off. Let them come round a bit?

You have my sympathy as the situation can be nigh on impossible. Damned if you do or don't.

No I mean ‘enough is enough’ as in with mum’s behaviour. Is there anything that can be done via the courts? We have written evidence of her “poisoning” the boys but will it actually be taken into account by the courts?

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply too x

Thanks for the reply, do you mind me asking what age your daughter was when she refused to go? DP is really worried this is what going to happen with his kids too and he feels powerless to stop it.

100% damned if we do, damned if we don’t. Nothing we do is enough and everything we do is wrong.

I’ll take on board what you say about me completely stepping away, that’s a good idea. Let him try one on one with the boys (although I’ve been making my self scarce when I can already to give them space).

Court order is every other weekend. Mum didn’t want Dad to see them at all (though there are no welfare concerns).