step parenting when natural mother has died

[smallcat]

I am step mother to 2 daughters who I have cared for since shortly after their mother died when they were 5 and 7. They are now 13 and 15 and I have two other little ones now. I was wondering if there was anyone else in this sort of situation because it's very different to step parenting when both natural parents are alive and around. We are all happy and they call me Mummy but I can't pretend it has been a walk in the park and still find it a challenge sometimes. Also I think sometimes you think a situation is the way it is because I am a step mother whereas perhaps all mothers have similar stresses with their teenage daughters? Any one out there?

Oh god rowe, you poor thing. Take a breath and pause for a second - you gave him an ultimatum in anger, he responded in anger and no one wins. Could you sit down together before you take any big steps and talk it through properly? Explain to him all the things you have said here and how you felt about him backing down etc and that is important for you to work as a team? Talk it through again. And again. I'm sure you don't want to leave and I bet he doesn't want you to either.
Don't worry about moaning - is what MN is for! Let me know how you get on x

THANX ELLIEGIve calmed down and havent left yet but DH at work so havent had time to talk but you are so write i did say it in anger ifeel so daft . Will all work out 2moz thanx again

Many hugs to you hon! Hope you get it sorted x