Since my partner and his ex split, my soon to be MIL has become super attached, it what we both feel a very unhealthy way, to my DSD (9). For reference they've been officially divorced for 6 years and we've been together 4 years and live together. I don't have kids of my own and my partner is an only child so this probably doesn't help.
Examples:
- Wants to see DSD every weekend we have her. I get she misses her but this isn't always possible as it impacts massively on my partners time with her as they're an hour round trip away. She gets grumpy and gives my partner the silent treatment if she doesn't get to. She will then randomly face time my DSD's iPad too (sometimes this is right in the middle of her doing homework and is a big distraction).
- Only asks to see us when we have DSD but never when it's just us two which I'm beginning to find a little irritating.
- When we do visit, it's a good 5 minutes before she even acknowledges my partner & I as she's off with DSD playing in her bedroom. It's like we don't exist at all.
- She told DSD she could decorate her bedroom at theirs (she wanted DSD to have her own room at theirs, despite it only being a 2 bed and probably only sleeps round around once every 2 months). This wouldn't be a problem but it was the same time we were decorating DSD's bedroom at our home so it felt like she was trying to compete and kind of took away from what we were doing.
- Partner usually gets a text every 2-3 days from her asking how her 'grand daughter' is, despite knowing my partner hasn't actually seen his daughter in that timeframe. She thinks he should be in daily contact with ex regarding his daughter (comms with ex is not great due to harassment from her side which had to get settled at court).
- Every time we do something together she will make a point in front of my partner & I of asking DSD how everything is at 'home' and asks details about DSD's mum (i.e. what car does she drive) which I find incredibly uncomfortable and down right rude frankly).
There are so many more points I could raise e.g. we just went on a small city break, just the two of us for 2 nights, and when we saw MIL she didn't ask us anything about the trip, just a million & one questions about DSD. And that we shouldn't tell DSD about the trip as she'd be upset even though we are taking her abroad twice this year!
Another example is completing removing items in DSD's packed lunch we had made her and replacing it with lots of junk food which my partner then got a call from the school about which was rather embarrassing for DSD and him.
I just think I'm at a point now where I just don't want to spend any time at all with her. My partner has approached this subject with her on numerous occasions asking her to politely back off, but she then starts crying and calling him a bully...honestly you couldn't make this up! I've never known such an incredibly emotional needy individual and I don't know what to do about it. For reference she does have a husband but he isn't much of a talker and in general just seems to let her get on with it. He's 10 years her senior so is quite elderly and can't do much anymore.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Is it ok to just not see her other than Christmas lol?