Challenging Moments

SemperIdem · 2023-01-16T00:06:00+00:00

Long term reader of this board but never really posted. I have a child of my own and three step children (all between 6-12) On Friday I was play fighting with the youngest SS (6), I was actually on the phone with a friend but multitasking as you do, littlest has presented me with a whoopee cushion and I was idly bopping him with it whilst I chatted. I bopped my older SS (9) with it - full blown meltdown ensued during during which he accused me of slapping him across the face. I didn’t, would never. His siblings confirmed to my partner that I hadn’t hit him, but I’m so hurt, it’s such a dangerous lie to tell. I don’t feel comfortable being in normal family situations anymore

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Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:06

did he want you to hit him with a cusion?

Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:07

in the face???

NewNameNigel · 16/01/2023 00:14

Playfully bopping a child with a soft woopie cushion isn't hitting them in the face...

Op this does seem odd. Is there more to this story that you're not telling us?

Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:17

NewNameNigel · 16/01/2023 00:14

Playfully bopping a child with a soft woopie cushion isn't hitting them in the face...

Op this does seem odd. Is there more to this story that you're not telling us?

If someone "playfully bopped" me in the face with a plastic cushion, I would consider that to be hitting me in the face.

Sorry, its just not normal behaviour to do that to someone - your step child is entitled to be in and around their own home without being hit in the face, whether "playfully" or not

Starlitestarbright · 16/01/2023 00:21

Surely messing about when your on the phone with someone is extremely rude and bad manners . Secondly it sounds like you've played abit too rough and caught him in the fact.

Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 00:38

No, nothing more to it than what I’ve posted.

I’m very mindful that older SS is more sensitive than younger SS and older SD and behave accordingly.

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Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 00:46

Starlitestarbright · 16/01/2023 00:21

Surely messing about when your on the phone with someone is extremely rude and bad manners . Secondly it sounds like you've played abit too rough and caught him in the fact.

Is it not just multitasking?

I wasn’t rough, it isn’t my way.

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Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 00:47

Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:06

did he want you to hit him with a cusion?

He wanted to be included in the play fighting his younger brother was involved in

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Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:51

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 00:47

He wanted to be included in the play fighting his younger brother was involved in

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are you sure? It doesnt sound like it, and you attention was presumably on your phone conversation. From what youve said it sound like you slapped him in the face when he didn't want it and wasn't expecting it

Starlitestarbright · 16/01/2023 00:56

No it's extremely rude I'd have put the phone down on you. You don't do that to people when your on the phone. It's one thing making a coffee its quite another to be having an conversation seperate to them or play fighting when on a phone call.

AnotherSpare · 16/01/2023 00:56

You've both overreacted. Him by over exaggerating what happened, saying you hit him in the face when you bopped him with what is basically a balloon. You by saying you don't feel comfortable in family situations anymore.
The thing is, he's 9, and probably sensitive because he's in a blended family, he's a middle child, maybe other reasons.
Perhaps you and his dad could have a chat with him about not exaggerating, and about stepping away from a game if he starts to not enjoy it, but move on from it, don't let that affect other family situations.

Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 00:59

Nimbostratus100 · 16/01/2023 00:51

are you sure? It doesnt sound like it, and you attention was presumably on your phone conversation. From what youve said it sound like you slapped him in the face when he didn't want it and wasn't expecting it

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I’m very sure.

Older SS is very like my daughter In personality, neither react well to shocks or surprises.

I feel awful that I shocked /upset - whether I meant to or not.

I just don’t know how to go forward, from this, which is why I posted really

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Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 01:03

Starlitestarbright · 16/01/2023 00:56

No it's extremely rude I'd have put the phone down on you. You don't do that to people when your on the phone. It's one thing making a coffee its quite another to be having an conversation seperate to them or play fighting when on a phone call.

Nice post but not really the point, is it?

My friend of nearly 20 years, with her own children, knows the multitask call, all too well

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Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 01:13

AnotherSpare · 16/01/2023 00:56

You've both overreacted. Him by over exaggerating what happened, saying you hit him in the face when you bopped him with what is basically a balloon. You by saying you don't feel comfortable in family situations anymore.
The thing is, he's 9, and probably sensitive because he's in a blended family, he's a middle child, maybe other reasons.
Perhaps you and his dad could have a chat with him about not exaggerating, and about stepping away from a game if he starts to not enjoy it, but move on from it, don't let that affect other family situations.

I think you have the best handle on it, to be honest, in all ways.

I overreacted (quietly to myself) but of course I can’t, and won’t, allow a little boy’s reaction to influence my own. He’s part of my family, I just wanted to talk out what went wrong.

They have a new sibling due imminently via their mum and that is almost certainly going to have an impact

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littlelid · 16/01/2023 06:25

From now on don't include them in the play. It's not worth it.

MeridianB · 16/01/2023 10:20

Safest approach could be you avoid playfighting in future?

Original poster

SemperIdem · 16/01/2023 10:45

@MeridianB

Yes, definitely. I’d very much like to avoid any similar scenario arising again!

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Waterwater101 · 16/01/2023 10:49

Ask your DH to speak to them to get through that they overreacted or whatever. Don’t involve them in future they obviously can’t handle it.
My eldest is the same, she won’t take the same playfulness my middle child will and can be very dramatic.

Marblessolveeverything · 16/01/2023 21:48

I really would recommend not play fighting with children. I certainly wouldn't want something hitting/nearly hitting my face.

hourbyhour101 · 17/01/2023 07:53

Look I think both you guys are being a bit unreasonable.

That said I think you worded the title perfectly it was just a challenging moment. Some kids you just can't rough house with.

It would be better next time to model a apology for DSC and him back to you for overreacting.

This is a storm in a tea cup iMO

Original poster

SemperIdem · 17/01/2023 09:54

The worst thing is, I’m not even a play fight sort of person really, I only got involved because the boys were keen 🤦🏻‍♀️

Live and learn! I did apologise to older SS at the time, because it really wasn’t my intention to upset him.

With a few days space and my wild ability to overthink abated, everything is fine and as normal in the family.

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hourbyhour101 · 18/01/2023 18:57

@SemperIdem we have all been there.

With my own child she's happy to rough house as along as she's winning lol. As soon as someone might be her version of winning she throws a wobbler. It's ok because I'm mum and therefore knows it wasn't my intention.

Step families are harder because people and naturally suspicious of step parents (which is a whole another thread) and emotions can blow way out of proportion and in my opinion not justified.

You sound great as I have said we have all had our moments xx

Zara82 · 19/01/2023 12:46

Wow.

What a judgmental lot you are.

There's no context to who she was on the phone to? If it was just a friend? Could have even being joking along with them too.

Not for one moment could this be considered abuse as some of you seem to apply

RedSpatula · 04/02/2023 11:29

I think you need to learn from it - avoid any scenario where SS can exaggerate or allege anything like this in future. So no more play fighting.

You did nothing wrong. I hope your DH is supportive of you.

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2023 11:34

Stop playfighting. They're just learning that you can push someone around and it's meant to be funny.