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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

If i marry, will dsd have access to my assets

41 replies

evilstepmum666 · 08/01/2023 00:22

Dp & I have a dd each & a ds together.

Dp's dd will inherit well from her gp's. Both sides.

My dd doesnt have a relationship with her dad & has nobody to inherit from apart from me.

I have far more than dp asset wise & i only want this to go to my 2 children & not dsd.

If we marry, will these wishes go out the window? How can I protect that

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lentil63 · 08/01/2023 00:23

You need to male wills at a solicitor.

Soontobe60 · 08/01/2023 00:27

If you marry, your DH would probably be entitled to half your assets should you get divorced.
If you still choose to get married, ensure you make a new will (this can be done just before you marry to ensure your will is valid upon marriage. In that will, you can leave your assets to anyone you choose.
if you and your soon to be husband choose to buy a joint property, please ensure it’s held as tenants in common (TIC). not joint tenants (JT). The difference is that as TIC, your share of the house doesn’t automatically go to your DH, it forms part of your estate. If you own it as JT, your share would automatically pass to your DH on your death.
get an appointment with a solicitor asap!

MostlyHappyMummy · 08/01/2023 00:29

why do you need to marry?

FrankieWapp · 08/01/2023 00:32

Don’t marry…get a will drawn up.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 08/01/2023 01:35

Have you spoken to your partner about this? Presumably his will will pay out just to his DD and your joint son?

As others have said get a Will written up.
Has your partner adopted your DD- just wondering if you considered what might happen (in terms of her care) if you died when she was still a child, given she has no father involved. You might want to sort that at the same time and I guess financial plans for that (hopefully unlikely) possibility.

Reugny · 08/01/2023 01:59

As PP have indicated why do you need to get married?

If any of the children are under 18 or can't live independently then they can become children of the family, so have to be provided for on your death.

Then if your spouse outlives you, a massive chunk of your estate has to be passed to him.

Yes you can write a will to ensure that he gets the minimum e.g. life time interest in your property, but if you divorce after say 10 years or are rich then you have to give him a lot of your assets.

Andypandy799 · 08/01/2023 05:05

Love the conflicting opinions on mn regarding marriage and assets. The opinions offered based on who has the wealth between men and women are truly baffling 😂

YABU - Rich women shouldn’t marry men who don’t have the same wealth
YANBU - Rich man and sahm or women earning less then don’t have kids with him until your married.

femfemlicious · 08/01/2023 05:10

Just don't marry him...whats the point? For romance?. Romance goes sour. Just let him continue i.e. as your partner. I would o my marry someone who has the same financial standing as me or more as a woman.

wafflyversatile · 08/01/2023 05:14

If you are considering getting married you should be able to discuss all this with your partner. If you are not able to talk about it then should you be getting married?

It would be sensible to talk to a solicitor before or during discussions to get an understanding of different options. Eg what was mentioned above about ages of children and what happens if you die before your child is an adult.

daretodenim · 08/01/2023 05:14

Andypandy799 · 08/01/2023 05:05

Love the conflicting opinions on mn regarding marriage and assets. The opinions offered based on who has the wealth between men and women are truly baffling 😂

YABU - Rich women shouldn’t marry men who don’t have the same wealth
YANBU - Rich man and sahm or women earning less then don’t have kids with him until your married.

You're right, but there's a reason.

It's usually because women end up doing the lion's share of housework, child care, emotional labour and things like organising birthdays and end up as a result on a lower salary, working part-time. Generally, not always. And it's more often an issue when she's pregnant and/or they're looking to buy a house together but aren't married.

Wouldn't it be nice if women didn't end up losing out career-wise, income-wise and pension-wise because they get married and have kids, in comparison to their DHs?

Saying all that, this is actually a different situation where the SC is already well provided for and OP wants to make sure her kids don't get shafted. Which they will if OP gets married and doesn't have a very well written will or invests a lot into joint property with her partner without knowing what she's doing.

lunar1 · 08/01/2023 07:15

If you marry him take proper legal advice first.

Don't rely on him to do the right thing for your child. Anything you want your Dd to inherit, leave to her directly, though I think he would be able to contest it as your husband.

Is it really worth the risk?

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 07:40

If he inherits from his DPs surly your DCs will also inherit that from him.

Sellorkeep · 08/01/2023 07:49

You make a will as soon as you get married.

Tricolette · 08/01/2023 07:57

Andypandy799 · 08/01/2023 05:05

Love the conflicting opinions on mn regarding marriage and assets. The opinions offered based on who has the wealth between men and women are truly baffling 😂

YABU - Rich women shouldn’t marry men who don’t have the same wealth
YANBU - Rich man and sahm or women earning less then don’t have kids with him until your married.

Because women are the most likely to be left raising dc if the relationship breaks down so of course they should protect their assets.
Until men are responsible for half the cost of childcare in all situations then women will be screwed over.
Just yesterday my sister in law commented on how much of my dd's salary would go on childcare.
As if my son in law wasn't responsible for childcare too.

KangarooKenny · 08/01/2023 08:00

You need a will. And you need your home as Tenants in Common.
I was the child who missed out when step dad inherited everything, please don’t do that to your children 🙏🏻
You leave everything to your kids, and you can leave the proviso that your DH can live in your half of the house until he cohabitates/remarries/dies.
The Tenants in Common is really important if you own your home.

gogohmm · 08/01/2023 08:02

No not necessarily, you need to write a new will once you are married (can be drafted ahead but needs to be dated after marriage) and hold any joint property as tenants in common.

Be aware that if your main motivation is you think your step child will inherit a lot elsewhere, there's no guarantee as estates can be spent on care - that said will can be altered and should be reconsidered regularly

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:15

Andypandy799 · 08/01/2023 05:05

Love the conflicting opinions on mn regarding marriage and assets. The opinions offered based on who has the wealth between men and women are truly baffling 😂

YABU - Rich women shouldn’t marry men who don’t have the same wealth
YANBU - Rich man and sahm or women earning less then don’t have kids with him until your married.

Not really. The op is concerned for her children’s futures, not hers. As stated, her ohs child is going to inherit from four individual grandparents, plus her father and probably the op (if op dies first then her oh is going to presumably inherit something which I’m sure he’ll make sure his dd will benefit from). Her children only have her and her oh. I’m sure her oh is hardly penniless, and where does it say the op is rich? She says she has more assets, her oh could be the higher earner? She could have saved and invested while her oh pissed his money up the wall, or she could have inherited something long before she met him. It’s not unreasonable to want your own children to have an equal footing to your boyfriends/potential husbands previous children.

PeppermintChoc · 08/01/2023 08:17

Make a will either in contemplation of marriage or soon after getting married. You can leave your assets to whoever you want.

fajitaaaa · 08/01/2023 08:19

Go to a solicitor get a will drawn up - make sure it mentions "in anticipation of my marriage" or similar - there is very specific wording they have to use. Make sure solicitor is STEP.

Oldfox · 08/01/2023 09:49

Andypandy799 · 08/01/2023 05:05

Love the conflicting opinions on mn regarding marriage and assets. The opinions offered based on who has the wealth between men and women are truly baffling 😂

YABU - Rich women shouldn’t marry men who don’t have the same wealth
YANBU - Rich man and sahm or women earning less then don’t have kids with him until your married.

Firstly this is mumsnet, so mainly a women based site.

Secondly a woman giving up her career to have DC and stay at home to raise them, needs to protect herself against being left up shitcreek without a paddle

Justtobeclear · 08/01/2023 10:29

I won’t add to the advice above but what I will suggest is that you leave a token something in your will to DSD if you have a good relationship. She is your child’s sibling so she is a part of your family and presumably you will have been in her life for a significant portion. I know she will potentially inherit for others but this is not a given with care fee’s etc so she may not receive as much as you think. Leaving her out completely (especially if you have a good relationship) can cause significant hurt and leaves your ds/dd in a potentially difficult position with their relationship with her.

I’ve had difficult conversations with my DH about the same thing - it eased it knowing I would at least leave dss something as recognition of my part in his life.

Reugny · 08/01/2023 11:36

lunar1 · 08/01/2023 07:15

If you marry him take proper legal advice first.

Don't rely on him to do the right thing for your child. Anything you want your Dd to inherit, leave to her directly, though I think he would be able to contest it as your husband.

Is it really worth the risk?

Yep he would but it depends on how rich she is whether it is worth doing so or not.

Divorce is a bigger risk.

That's why since being a teen I've met lots of older couples who have been in relationships for decades but haven't got married. They want their assets/money to go to their own children/families.

Reugny · 08/01/2023 11:37

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 07:40

If he inherits from his DPs surly your DCs will also inherit that from him.

Doesn't work like that.

endofthelinefinally · 08/01/2023 11:50

You need proper advice from an IHT planning expert. Even solicitors who write wills can get it wrong, as a friend of mine learned to her enormous cost. IME it is probably going to be easier if you don't get married, but I would get the correct advice sooner rather than later.

endofthelinefinally · 08/01/2023 11:51

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 07:40

If he inherits from his DPs surly your DCs will also inherit that from him.

That is a very naïve assumption.

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