Competitive gifting

[Bambinobanana]

Hello

My SDs mum seems to be getting really competitive with gift giving to her daughter. I do accept she can buy/do what she wants with her child.

As an example, this year, me and my partner (her dad) bought SD a rather expensive gift (and it was the only gift we gave her) but this is exceptional as it’s something we have been planning for years (we are going away somewhere special).
This week, SD miraculously got a ‘late’ Xmas gift from her mum- tickets to go away (SD has never mentioned about going to this place). This obviously happened because we are going away. Her mum had already got her an obscene amount of expensive Xmas gifts.

IMO It is starting to effect SD who looks down her nose at us because we don’t have lots of branded/designer gear or drive flash cars.

Why does her mum feel a need to be the one who gives and spends the most?
Do I do anything in this situation or just let it go?

Definitely let it go. She can buy her daughter what she likes. I can't see how you saying something would go down well!

The problem is like if she was posting about you and the situation was reversed.

It would be none of her business. And this is none of your business.

What you do for your own biological children is not up for either party to vet.

I hate to say it but if you say anything you will come off really jealous and insecure.

This happens with us. Elvenerife isn't it. We take the Dsd's somewhere, their mum takes them somewhere better... we buy them reconditioned PlayStation for our house, their Mum buys them the newest version with bells and whistles...and then says 'well I don't know why your dad didn't get you a new one, it's not like he can't afford it' which then gets fed back to us....

At first we kind of rose to it, always trying to plan amazing stuff to do at weekends etc. but then we realised all we were producing was entitled children and it's not normal life at all. And frankly we couldn't afford it all the time.

We do the odd 'amazing' thing now but the rest of the time try to give them nice family weekends doing normal
Stuff-dog walks, family dinners, board games etc.... just have to hope they remember and treasure those things as much as the flashier things when they look back on it.

There is zero point in saying anything at all. It will either be ignored or twisted in some way. You just do what you feel is right in terms of gifts/outings and let their Mum Crack on without comment.

By 7 my ds's had all sorts of tech provided by exh.. I didn't even have WiFi! In time they saw df for the knob he was. He didn't parent them just threw cash...

It's insecurity on her part. Don't get drawn in to an arms race and hopefully she will grow out of it.
DSDs mum used to be like this to the point DH joked she would be off to see a sperm donor when she found out about my pregnancy!
I think we have all realised we can offer DSD different advantages in each home and that's ok, we don't have to be in competition.

Let it go. I know it is really annoying but just remember when you and your partner take her away have an amazing time and build memories. As another poster said out bidding just leads to expectations from the child’s part and that’s not a nice trait

Just let it go... it will stop eventually. It's more important to spend time not money.

As much as I hate the situation I find myself in at the hands of my DSC's Mum... I do feel for her. It cannot be easy to step back half the time and not see your own children. I wouldn't have the strength.. so if buying them gifts helps that void then let her.
Ultimately it's not your place to say anything and if your husband does it will sound petty and get worse!!!

What she buys is nothing to do with you, she buys what she wants and you/dh buy what you want too

Same as if you were the birth mother and she was the step one, what each buys is none of the others business

We have this…I feel like we waste money and I feel bad for our DC that don’t have as much. I just think that they’ll know more about the value of things.

A couple of years ago, we bought DSS a gift for his birthday. A week later, mum treated him to the upgraded version and we never saw our gift again. I won’t lie, I was peeved but let it go as saying something would mean it happens all the more.

Focus on what you can give in the way of life experiences

Despite always saying she would never have more children, my SS's mum got pregnant a few months after I gave birth. Always a competition! Much more freeing to just not rise to it all and let them think they're having a competition.

Do you honestly think she only got pregnant in competition? Or is this a joke?

An amusing coincidence 😅 the remainder of my comment stands in that with some people, it can always be a competition. The best thing to do is free yourself of the awareness of any attempts. It can't be a competition if you don't get involved

Agree with this!! Homes can often be very different in many ways but kids can love both for what they are ❤