Is this normal?

[Childlessmum1]

Back with my childhood sweetheart who now has a daughter. This last year his daughters mother have tried to dictate his life etc even with having 2 boyfriends along the way of her own. Well I need to know if the following is normal behaviour from both parties!!!!
Their 4 year old apparently told her mother that I am going to the doctors for my belly (not sure where she got that from) her mother called us, screaming and shouting etc (the usual) and then called saying she was having a breakdown and is having assessments done the next day on an eme appointment (a lie I am sure) because she then asked her daughters dad my boyfriend to go to her doctor pick up a prescription for anti depressants and go to a chemist collect them and drop them to her! And he did exactly as she asked!!!!! Is that normal??????? She has a family and friends and I believe she wants him feeling sorry for her. We have his daughter so she can 'sort her head out as she's in a bad place' ok I got no kids but don't we all have bad days!!!! She is manipulative and he can't see it!!! I feel a right mug as she gets more respect than I do off him. Its like he scared of her!!

Doesn’t sound like you’re happy or feel secure. So walk away. It wouldn’t matter if it was normal if it’s not working for you.

He needs boundaries and you need to not be so triggered by her; it took me years to learn that I can’t control her behaviour but my DH can control how he reacts and I can manage how I respond by distancing myself from that drama.
I’d have a calm conversation about boundaries and what his role is as his child’s father and what isn’t within that role.

You've dated him before when he was younger and care free. Life is different now and you need a conversation about both of your expectations, both ideal and realistic.

He is having his daughter staying because he is her dad, lots of factors can change how often she gets a with each parent, illness being a huge factor.

Make sure that it's actually him doing the parenting and that 'wife work' isn't being foisted onto you.

If he isn't able to have boundaries in place that you feel comfortable with you need to decide if this is right for you. The only person you are in control of is you, make sure you prioritise yourself.

Screaming and shouting not normal but if my DH's EX needed medication picked up and was in a bad place mentally I wouldn't feel negatively about him picking up medication and dropping it off if urgent.

By saying she gets more respect than you do are you intimating that he doesn't treat you well? If so, why are you hanging on in there?

It sounds like he may be more of the problem, and not the ex. If he'd put boundaries in place, you wouldn't be in this position

This is the second thread about being a 'step parent' in days. I don't think your cut out to be with someone who has a young child regardless if you have history with the father.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/4706661-am-i-the-selfish-one for context.

I wouldn’t say it’s normal no. He needs to take a step back from her.

Are mental health problems normal? Yes

Is helping out an ex while they suffer from mental health problems normal? yes - if you are coparenting

@Bananarama21
It's not cool to provide a link to a previous thread. If the OP wants to divulge further on her current thread, she can. I don't think it's for you to provide context.

You aren't a step parent.

You've just got a dodgy bloke with no boundaries camping out in your house with his poor muddled tiny dc.

It’s not her that’s the problem. It’s him.

His ex is such a huge and determining part of his life because he chooses for her to be.

His lack of boundaries with his ex is hidden by the two women in his life blaming each other. But he could very easily sort it all out. He can’t be bothered too. He’s much prefer that you are subjected to all this drama. And that his child (who I’m sure is ‘his world’ according to him) is subjected to it too.

walk away. Run away, in fact. You don’t need this crap. He cannot be worth it.

pictoosh it's pretty relevant when ops made two threads within days of each other about the same thing and not even replied to the threads after posting, I don't understand the purpose of posting.

She's not answerable to you about that, or any of us.

pictoosh why post two threads and not come back? Its bad manners when people take the time to respond. What's the purpose. It's very evident ops is not suited to being with someone who has a small child.

I'm with @Bananarama21 on this. & @AnneLovesGilbert .

Wasting the time is your choice. An OP can start as many threads as they like.

I think people can still get annoyed about a pattern of starting a thread, not responding to anyone in it and then starting another thread about much the same thing.

It’s kind of inevitable that people will join the dots on the threads.

that said, I don’t need to have read the other thread to respond to the issue in this one and suggest to the OP that her ‘childhood sweetheart’ is very much not pulling his weight in the relationship.