Step Parent School Involvement

[Dalooah]

Hello all!

I'm asking for a friend as I have no experience of step parenting. What sort of involvement is it normal for step parents to have with their step children's school- events, drop offs, pick ups etc. I understand that this probably family dependant but would it be usual for a step parent to be involved in the PTA (own child isn't at the school but partner works there, if that makes a difference). Would a step parent do solo school collections?

Thanks!

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

I think the issue here is around the step parent feeling taken for granted by the parents. So it's absolutely fine for a step parent to do school pick ups, and I've known several that do, unless the step parent feels that they're expected to do it even when they don't really want to.

I've not personally known a step parent to go on the PTA. Again I'm sure it would be fine as long as the step parent and both parents are happy about it.

some pick ups are fine if that’s what suits you and your partner.
going on the PTA at your stepchild’s school is mad! Don’t do that. Everyone will assume you’re the mum, which will cause issues, or they’ll assume you’re batshit crazy.

If the step-parent is happy to do it and wants to be involved then there's nothing wrong with it.

In my case, my DH's ex-wife wouldn't allow me to even step onto school property. We went with it for a while and then thought, fuck it. The kids don't care and they were excited to see me at their school plays.

I wouldn't get involved with PTA though, I wouldn't do that for my own kids 😂

I would not go anywhere near a PTA!
When DSCs were younger I picked them up from school very occasionally but only in emergencies. It was never expected.

I think unless the SCs mother is either dead or not involved in SC life to the extent that SM is basically the adoptive mother, it wouldn't be appropriate to be involved in PTA.

School pickups would totally depend on the family routine e.g. whether or not DH was taking the piss by requesting this.

It totally depends on the situation.

for some set ups that level of involvement would be absolutely fine. For some it wouldn’t be.

Who is uncomfortable with the situation? That’s very relevant.
some people, not related, opined that I was “too involved” with my DSS. DSS, DH and his late mother’s parents were all happy with it so the people who weren’t were ignored. If the child or mother in your situation aren’t happy then that’s very different.

School pickups/drop offs okay if not being taken for granted. An absolute no way to being on the PTA, school volunteer, governor etc.

Inappropriate to join the PTA - that's seriously overstepping if the children's own mother is still involved in their lives!
Doing pick ups and drop offs is between you and your partner.

Why on earth would anyone actually think a step parent would want to join the PTA

I wouldn't want to join for my own children tbh. Christ.

Drop offs and pick ups are fine if step parent is happy and has the blessing of the parent they are married to and it's on that parents time.

For instance not appropriate to pick up kids on mums day. That's her day. If it's dads day and he's at work and asks sure.

What the other parent does on their time is none of the others concerned and people don't need to ask permission or tip to around each other. That ended when they got divorced (split) obviously exceptions are abuse ect. Not hurt feelings.

We are all adults and people should act as such. IMO.

I don't do pick ups. I think it's important for Mum and Dad to do this. I suppose I'd do it in an emergency but what's nicer than seeing your Mum and Dad? I remember loving that. Or grandparent.

I do drop offs, every so often. They are lovely. I really enjoy it.

PTA - no. Unless your DC goes to the same school.

I went to a nativity once. I didn't this year as I made plans without realising and I think they were a little disappointed so I will make the time next year. But a different viewing to BM.

I always celebrate their successes with them and praise them. My partner tells me all they get up to so I can chat to them about it. But that it's it.

Oh and I help them with homework.

My DP doesn’t have any involvement in school.

Totally depends on the situation.

How involved are the bio parents? How would it affect the dynamics of the family and Ex if stepmum was to get involved? Does stepmum even WANT to get involved?

Every family will be different. I do most of the DO/PU for DSD who is at nursery/pre-school as that's what works best for our family. I work from home so it's easier for me to do the school run. My DP leaves for work early and is home about an hour after DSD gets home from nursery. This arrangement means we can both work full time and was something that we discussed and that I was happy to do.

The nursery have my contact details etc. They'll also speak to me if there's any issues with DSD as they would her DM and DF.

I attended a stay and play session with DP. DSDs mum also had an opportunity to attend a separate session so my attendance didn't affect that. DP and his ex would not be able to attend the same session anyway due to their strained relationship. I think if a step-parents involvement affects the other parents involvement then it should be avoided and the parent should take priority but I don't see an issue with a step-parent being involved if they generally are quite involved in the childs upbringing. The more support a child has the better I think.

Up to the stepparent but personally no way would I get involved at all

PTA involvement? Honestly wild horses couldn’t drag me to be involved with PTA at my own child’s school never mind my step children’s!

In terms of school run involvement - it depends really. My partner and I can’t do the school run for each other because our children go to different schools in different parts of the city.

If it is feasible and the step parent actually wants to do the school run (do they?), I don’t see any harm in it. But they shouldn’t be expected to do it as a given.

My child’s step mum will do school runs for my ex if needs be but she has a much older child and I think feels that part of her life is done. Which is fair enough, no argument from me about it. She’s a very good step mum to my child, in a benevolent aunt sort of way - she doesn’t try to mother her but is very caring.

I have to ask the question and I realise this is a old post

BUT DOES ANYONE WANT THE PTA willingly? Even for their own offspring ?

I think most people would rather eat their own ears but maybe that's just me

It's such a bizarre notion that it feels completely made up that a step parent would want to ?

Neither of us would want to be on the PTA!

But DH (eldest DD stepdad) does pickups / drop offs and attends school meetings / plays etc both with and without me (and me without him) depending on whose schedules work best for it.