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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Don't believe reason childs dad has given for injury

15 replies

Vimfr · 13/12/2022 01:51

So my ex partner/sons dad has him 10 hours a week at my hours whilst I work.
Today when I came home I noticed a large bump and circular red mark on my childs for head.
His dad leaves as soon as I'm home so I call him to ask what happened, he claims my son hit his head on the hall radiator.. However I have a weird feeling he's lying, my hall is narrow and it'd be awkward for my son to bump his head the way he has against the radiator? Also, the mark and bump are circular, surely if it was against a radiator it'd be a line shaped bruise? When I asked if he'd put ice/peas on it he said he didn't..

When I questioned it further his dad became angry and said he'd refuse to look after our son in the future and that I was accusing him of hurting our child..

I just don't know where to go from here.

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 13/12/2022 02:01

Sometimes babies bump their heads. But, obviously you have trust issues with your ex and he doesn’t seem to be able to be honest and open with you for some reason. He does sound defensive but I don’t know how you approached him about it. Were you accusatory or angry in the way you spoke to him?

Importantly, I was taught in 1st aid to never put ice pack or frozen peas on a head injury. Wet a face washer with cold water and wring it out, fold it and use that as a cold compress. Never put ice on a bump to their head.

dolor · 13/12/2022 02:01

Well it does sound like you're accusing him, but does he have form for this sort of behaviour?

Your poor lad though, I hope his head doesn't hurt too much.

MintJulia · 13/12/2022 02:12

Yes, cold damp flannel, not ice as it can burn.

That bruise looks round. Is there a valve cap or thermostat on the end of the radiator that could have made that mark?

Can you play a game with your ds and see if he can tell you what happened. Is he upset?

My ds, when very little, would say Ouch and point when he'd bumped himself.

ImustLearn2Cook · 13/12/2022 02:12

To revise what I wrote about ice packs. I’ve googled it and there is plenty of advice saying using a covered ice pack for minor head bumps is ok.

I was taught not to apply an ice pack in a 1st aid course run by paramedics because it may disguise a more serious injury.

So, do what you feel is right.

Valhalla17 · 13/12/2022 02:32

Well he's a negligent dad, for not using a cold compress and telling you about the head injury before. I hope your ds is OK and not in any discomfort. They do bump their heads of course, but appreciate its still worrying for you.

autienotnaughty · 13/12/2022 03:16

The concern is he didn't treat the injury and he didn't pass on the information to you. Also when you spoke to him you feel he wasn't being honest. What's your concern, That he injured your child? Or that he wasn't properly supervising and didn't see what happened? Is this a one off or has other things happened? Also his reaction is over the top.

panko · 13/12/2022 06:22

Firstly if you are concerned about the bump please seek medical advice. Call 111.

Secondly- there are online first aid courses maybe suggest to dad you and he both do this?

Thirdly if you don't trust him and he is refusing to look after him in future then fine, he doesn't look after him o

Blackeyesbluetears · 13/12/2022 06:26

Updated guidelines actually say not to use ice/cold compress. The cold restricts blood vessels and inhibits healing.

Mindymomo · 13/12/2022 06:35

My DC have had bumps like this from falling over outside on concrete, it’s easily done and bump comes up instantly, but your ex should have told you straight away what happened.

Jessbow · 13/12/2022 06:52

If you are suggesting it was non accidental, what are you thinking happened?

Yes he should have told you upfront but unless you pass one in one out, how come you didnt ask when you saw it?

JenniferBarkley · 13/12/2022 07:16

I'd say he fell and hit his head on the knob or thermostat on the end of the radiator.

I guess my daughters inherited my clumsiness but they constantly got bumps on their heads as toddlers. I never did cold compresses or anything, just TLC and keep an eye on them.

Sellorkeep · 13/12/2022 08:20

Hope your little one is ok.
i am curious as to what the step-parenting angle is?

Herejustforthisone · 13/12/2022 11:25

He’s a negligent shit for brains to not have applied any attempt at care for your child, and to have failed to inform you about it. The fuck is wrong with him? And now he’s jumped at the opportunity to not even bother to see his son for a pathetic ten hours a week? Ugh. Another failure of a man and father.

MeridianB · 13/12/2022 11:36

The lack of care, lack of information and huge defensiveness would be ringing big alarm bells for me.

Is ex your only option for child care?

Original poster
Vimfr · 13/12/2022 12:13

Thank you, I'll remember this for future bumps!

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