Stepson staying over

[FancyACuppaThen]

What age will step kids not really stay over WEEKLY or more?
Late teens would you say? Oh yes call me wicked step mother 😂 I don't hate the kids but it does come with a lot of stress, I'm just thinking things will be much more chill when they're grown up and not sleeping over every week... can start planning things I actually want to do as a couple or with my children. (11 year gap between SS and my twin boys)
Any other step mothers here sometimes struggle or dread them coming over??
Vent here please I need to know!
And anyone judging, different people have different situations, if you're completely infatuated with your step kids and would like to gush about them on here then this post ain't for you. Peace!

I hate to say it but it may never happen.....

DSD started coming over slightly less at 15/16 but by 17 was back to staying most weeks. She is now 22 with 2 children and she end them for sleepovers instead 😂

DSS moved in with us FT at the age of 15, tbf now he is 18 he is always out with his mates from Friday night to early hours of Sat morning and we don't ee him then until tea time.

DS stopped staying over at his dads as per schedule at about 16/17 but then by 18 stopped staying over at all and at 21 moved in with his girlfriend. Oh they also have a LO now that they send for regular sleeps as well.

TBF I get on great with them all but working and then knowing I was having kids all weekend used to piss me off or get me down a fair bit. Also I think the patterns changed quite a lot over the years with all of them. Also in our situation their DM is not involved and was not really great for years before they went NC so felt like we had to have them at ours rather than pushing back at bit as they got older.

I mind less with Grandkids even though I now work 45 hour week and they ALL want to be at ours at least one day of the weekend. Luckily I can now say no without too much guilt if I want a break.

It is different when they come over but that is the reality of our family. We have good and bad days like all families.

Wishing it different, and looking forward to a day when you can forget they exist and don't figure in your family, I personally think breeds resentment and your post demonstrates you do not see yourselves as a "family" - it is you and them.

Mine kept staying over on the same routine until they left home. So when they went to uni they came at weekends still but only in the holidays. They were used to their routines and nobody saw any reason to change things overall. They did flex the odd night to fit in with social lives. Having them regularly in some ways is easier with teens as you don't need to be entertaining them as you might if they'd come specifically to spend time with their dad.

The routine never changed with ours. Was 50:50 and stayed that way until they went to Uni. When they were home from Uni, they still did the same. 12 year age gap to younger DD too. Which has never been an issue to be honest. Sometimes we did stuff together, sometimes not..

I can relate to this. I'm riddled with guilt for feeling that way but yes I sometimes dread the weekends SD comes over. There's a 9year age gap between SD and our DD so can be difficult to please everyone which usually mean we do things separately. I'm back working full time with a 7 month old so weekends we have SD are a lot as dad is preoccupied with SD

Maybe never as they will always be your dh kids and you could even end up with them full time potentially , who knows .
Ask yourself When your children no longer be welcome ? And then the answer will be same with your dh I would imagine.
Then again they may reach teenage years and never come over

My dss stopped coming as much at 12, when the hormones kicked in. He didn't like the rules at ours and started playing big man and telling his dad to f**k off etc when he didn't get his own way and storming back to his mum's house. It is heartbreaking for us all as not coming is power play and will result in strained relationships in the future. Unfortunately dss and DH are very similar and both too stubborn to sort it out! I see both sides, dss gets it easier with mum but DH is trying to stop the negative behaviours (shop lifting, lying, fighting etc). My dc is devastated with it all so although we get to plan our weekends around dc without the age gap concern, and do more age appropriate activities without worrying about dss's preferences it's actually a much worse situation. My dc and DH are breaking and there is nothing I can do. I think if they still want to come and maintain good relationships then you are doing something right

My own DC are teenagers, one doing A levels and they still stick to the 50/50 routine that has been in place for years. I imagine it will be the same with the SC.

From my dh's point of view his 2 dss stayed over until they reached 12 and 14..
Then they moved in here ft...

My step kids both moved in when they were late teens /early 20s as their mum moved abroad.

Also I think it should be added that anyone on this step parenting forum is probably in the midst of a full on step situation so the ones who are no longer dealing with it don't tend to come on here to say their problems have been solved

10 yo dd sharing a bath with her df?
Yuck.

I have always considered myself quite liberal minded, but 10 year old sharing a bath with her dad! As well as , PDA and being clingy sounds very wrong. IMHO this is seriously ringing alarm bells about boundaries and in SS safeguarding territory. Can you see that it is wrong?

This

I’d resign yourself to it until they move out. He’s their father. His home is their home. They might even live there in the future. They’re not guests to be tolerated until you have the place to yourself.

You hope she will get a boyfriend so she can stop her dad behaving oddly with her😳 you are a weirdo, why would you think this about a little girl?

What a horrible thing to think. The PDA stuff is normal, and it's lovely that she's getting affection and attention from her dad. The sharing a bath thing at that age is not appropriate. Mucking around in a pool is fine but she shouldn't be pulling anyone's trousers down full stop as that is not appropriate with anyone.

Your partner shares a bath with his 10 year old DD?

You wish she'd get a boyfriend so she'll leave your DH alone?

There's some really inappropriate toxic shite going on here.If she told a teacher she shares a bath with her dad that would extremely likely result in a social services referral.

@killerkweek there is a lot wrong with your posts.

And just to say I have full siblings over 10 years older than me. Guess it was a waste of their time to spend time with me when I was a baby and small child?

Thank you for sharing your own situations. Some replies have been removed, I missed what was said, something about a 10 year old being in the bath with an adult? Deffo 100% absolutely weird.
Anyways - since having my own kids, and with the despise I have for SS mum (she went mental in the beginning, harassed me without a PEEP back), I've realised how the love is not the same for my SS as my own kids, but it's also not even close. My partner unfortunately had a one night thing with this woman over 11 years ago and he's paid hundreds of pounds a month for his child every month, and she's always used the child as a weapon. His fault just as much yes, and I knew he had this child before I got with him, yes, I was happy about it, but since having my own I just don't feel the same unfortunately! I really don't like his child coming over..... too late now but yeah. I don't have a lot to do with him I just seem to try to stay out the way of him, just being honest. He swears, isn't very nice and I'm not talking about an innocent little 5 year old here, he's almost 12 and sits swearing on his phone constantly, doesn't do any of it when his dads in the room. When he's not here I feel so happy