How do you manage different parenting styles?

[Bambinobanana]

Hi everyone

a long story short, it’s becoming clear that my partner has a different style of parenting to his ex (they have a teen girl together, my step daughter).

By and large, things have been civil and respectful between all parties in the past. However now stepdaughter is changing in adolescence (has become disengaged with school, quite rude and making horrible comments particularly to my partner) the parenting styles are vastly different (her mum acts more like a friend than a parent and my partner is the opposite).

Step daughter is turning against my partner simply because he’s trying to enforce some discipline (I’m not talking being strict but things like getting her to do homework, not speak rudely to people, gently encouraging her with school and hobbies etc).

How do you manage when parenting styles are different, especially where one parent is playing the friend rather than parent?

For your own sanity.

Have behaviours you won't put up with in the house (being rude, not saying please and thankyou)

And let all the other stuff go. You can't change the ex wife, all you can do is support your DH and remind him that teenagers all go through this and usually come out ok on the other side.

Being just a friend to kids never works out well in the long run.

Support your partner and simply tell your SC in your home you have these rules and their mother can do what they like in her home.

Also make sure any rules made you also live by and importantly are happy to explain the reason behind them. So for example she gets something for you you say "Thank you". She moans about doing her homework your partner explains why she has to do it.

I've found this one of the hardest things to deal with, and it's quite common because let's be honest, people split up as they are 'different' so it's highly likely parenting styles will also vary...

My DSD's manners were appalling but she is now beginning to learn that when she is round her Dad's that she says please and thank you and it has improved vastly. But I know for a fact there will be lots more issues to contend with as she gets older as the two households she spends time in are clearly very very different...