When is one actually a step parent?

[Hoorayforchips]

My long term partner and I have our own kids. We’re not married. No plans to live together as a blend, though we’d love to, as this would mean custody fights and unsettling the children. We have our 2 kids together every other weekend. They get on well. We take holidays as a group.

But now the kids (11, 7) have decided among themselves we are stepmum and stepdad. We don’t think of ourselves that way.

But I also don’t know what to say other than yes, you can say I’m stepmum. I just don’t feel like one.

I don’t do any parenting of my partner’s kid beyond a bit of babysitting and he babysits for me too. I make food and say ‘don’t hit’ if I need to but otherwise leave my partner to it when it comes to behaviour strategy and school choices. There’s huge differences in how the kids are raised (mine gets v little screen time, his gets loads) but they seem to cheerfully accept they are all different. So we’re just two single parent families who hang out very often. What’s the word for that?

When you are in a cohabiting relationship, IMO.

There is no term for two single parent families who hang out very often but it sounds like you are having a nice time

When you are told you are one.

You've been told so you are.

😂

How long have you been together? Relationship sounds a bit arms-length like you don't like each other enough to make a commitment

Each situation is different. In my experience although the children's father is living with his partner and her children she is not in a step parenting role he is hardly parenting himself. I do all the parenting. The children visit him eow for a day.

What a stupid comment. Some people choose not to throw their children into a 'blended family' shit show and then whinge about it on here, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and aren't serious. On the contrary, it shows commitment to very long term shared goals.

OP, I wouldn't call myself a stepmother in your situation either, but if the kids have adopted the term I'd let it be. I overheard my partner's daughter call me that once, she's 20 and we've never lived together! Just easier for them to say, I think.