When SC’s mum doesn’t care…

[Bambinobanana]

SC who is 13, is not liking school as her friendship group aren’t all there (we’re confident there’s not a bullying or learning difficulty issue causing the unhappiness ) . She’s completely negative about it all and more generally, has no hobbies/interests/likes despite me and partner trying, but her mum doesn’t care.

This is now meaning she doesn’t want to bother with school either and her mum has occasionally been keeping her home, allowing her to miss homework assignments. The mum’s argument for this is that SD is unhappy so why force her to do these things.

My partner (SDs father) is trying really hard to support his daughter but she seems to be closing off from him (we know her mum has been saying inappropriate remarks about my partner).

i love my step daughter and I understand I’m not her parent but I am so sad that she’s just lost all drive and focus on her education.
any suggestions how I could help my SD please? Or am I overstepping a line here?

please understand, I have always respected the authority and wishes of both SD’s parents and do not speak badly of her (nor do I think I’m a perfect parent) but, this situation feels like SD is really going to suffer if it continues.

thank you

OP - is it just school or is she struggling more generally? My DSD started struggling at that age, and it turned out the issue wasn't what we initially thought it was. I don't want to project our circumstances onto yours so I won't get into specifics, and she's doing a lot better now. But one thing I noticed when she started shutting down was that her Dad would feel rejected and not necessarily keep trying. So if he suggested they go do X and she said "No" then he'd drop it. If I booked X for all of us she'd often agree to do it, and sometimes I would drop out at the last minute to let them just hang out together. Also, on longer drives they talked - she later said it was easier to talk to him when there was no eye contact. She was feeling like she was "a bad daughter" because she didn't want to go e.g. karting with her Dad (she didn't really want to do anything), which oddly meant she was okay to go to e.g. a museum (which she doesn't like at the best of times, but he does) to humour him because that let her feel like she was being "a good daughter" but with no pressure to enjoy it. DSD is doing a lot better in our case, and it wasn't just hanging out with her Dad, she ended up needing professional help, but hanging out with her Dad let her tell him what was actually going on, and it was my job to support that as much as possible - which was hard at times but they're a package deal and I love them both to bits. Wishing you all the best