Is it ok to escape?

[kanyoukan]

I've been with my husband for 5 years and we have a 6 month old daughter. He also has two children from a previous marriage aged 8 and 10. He has them every weekend, either a Saturday night and Sunday all day or all day Sunday alternate. I find myself wanting to escape at these weekends, not so much the Sunday stand alone but the Saturday/Sundays. Now we have our baby I feel increased pressure from my husband to spend the whole thing with him and his children, I used to go and do my own thing occasionally... spend the night at a friends or over at my mums but now I feel pressure to spend it doing whatever activity he has planned, usually shopping as his children love to do that (I actually don't really enjoy it especially with a baby)
He says we should be a family and Sunday is the one day he can spend his time doing this as he works every other day. I think this pressure is actually making it harder, he makes me feel I'm depriving him of his baby (breast fed) if I take baby anywhere on a Sunday without him. How can I approach this without sounding like I dislike his children? I actually enjoy his children a company but when they are here he Disney dads...hard and that can be exhausting

Every weekend is tough. I think he needs to learn to accept you aren't going to want to do the "family" thing every single weekend. Could you maybe suggest every other weekend you do a family thing?

And is he actually wanting to do the family thing or is he wanting you to help him look after his kids?

@veganbacon no he does parent them, if anything he parents them too much, ie sat down to dinner and one of them asks for something he'll get straight up to get it, this could happen 3/4 times during tea time they have got legs!!

Bide your time until bf is done with. Alternate him taking all the dc out with you going...

That's not really parenting them though, is it.

I would compromise and tell him you'll make sure your home on a Sunday for family day ever other weekend. You can't just stay in because his children arrive. They're not royalty and do not require your presence. I understand your husband would like his wife and all his children to spend time with at the same time but he can't expect it every weekend when they come every weekend. What happens when your back at work and weekends are literally your only time off or when your child is at school, are you expected to sit in and do activities with teenagers? Set out boundaries now and you'll know where you stand.
My situation is annoying in that my SC arrive most weekends and want me to stay in because we have two young boys. I appreciate they want to see their brothers but I can't just stay in every weekend so they can play for 10 minutes then get bored and go on their phones!

Personally I agree with others suggestions of every other weekend you need to have your weekend as well it’s not all about them you do get a say

Unfortunately, the Disney dad side won’t go anywhere, unless you say something about it foot down.

Do not feel bad about breastfeeding you’re doing one of the most natural things. Yes that was me and the baby needs to stay with you but he should understand the baby needs to be fed if he’s feeling left out. Tell him he can spend more time with the baby playing nappy changes. You know the other fun stuff we have to do to

Sorry, that's pandering, not parenting, in my book.

Sorry.

His older DC may want a bit of time with their DF too. A new baby means lots of adjustments for them and having 1-2-1 tune with their DF is important.

@FinallyHere totally agree he panders to them, he knows he does but I don't think he can help himself, it makes it difficult for me to enjoy spending time with them because it annoys me. Equally I don't really know what's expected from children that age. They do absolutely nothing in the house, they don't put plates away in the dishwasher or tidy their rooms, I can live with all that if only I could escape from it sometimes

OP of course they should put plates in the dishwasher and tidy their rooms, that's absolutely BARE MINIMUM! My SS does this plus occasionally empties the dishwasher and walks the dog. Puts his own clean clothes away. But at the age of 15 I don't think that's enough. However I don't want him cooking as he'd faff about and mess up the kitchen.

Of course it's perfectly fine for you to do things on your own. I had this with my DH to start with but he soon realised we were a LOT happier if I could have my space! Just tell him it's important that he has dedicated time with his other children every now and again.

There's nothing worse than the pressure to be a 'family'. I don't feel like a family with my SC, they're nice kids and all but they're not mine, so I don't want to be forced into playing happy families all the time. It's also perfectly normal in ANY family to do your own thing. I was married for a decade with children and did not spend every weekend doing stuff altogether. It's also your spare time...

You DP is wanting family time Sundays?

If that's so why you trying to exclude yourself with his children you sound very selfish now you got your baby.

Yes not every week you need to be around while his kids are there. No he shouldn't just have them every other weekend.

The issues are not SC but how your DP is.

I honestly think your not ready for a stepfamily and end the relationship. Then you don't need to see his children and maybe while he sees his every weekend he can see the child he has with you every other weekend. You can go to your family/friends be happy then.

Yes not every week you need to be around while his kids are there no she doesn't need to.

You are an adult and he's not your boss. Decide how you want to spend your time and do it. The him saying you are depriving him of your baby as you bf is a red flag.

@kanyoukan

Put it another way don't complain if he goes having fun with his children and your baby doesn't spend time with because maybe in the week he too tired.

I am not being funny here some threads have shown that some men just take their kids don't even bother with the baby. You Dp wants all his kids together. Unless I didn't see a post very recent a person complaining are the SC the favourite.

You have got realize your lucky. Let him take your baby with the SC one weekend and other you go.

It's showing you don't mind if it's you 3 but SC around it's a problem for you.

Maybe go solo

Continue to escape.

He needs one on one time with his children.

Let him take them shopping if he wants.

Do not rush into another child with him.