Step child and house rules

[Gogogo22]

Looking for others experience on how you have introduced ‘house rules’ with SC.

for background, I have a SD, we get on well . However she has now become a teenager! I understand the change in behaviour is to be expected but she is speaking very disrespectfully to her father (my partner) and being very negative about everything and anything.
I appreciate the struggles of being a teen and a step child and I’m not criticising anyone’s parenting in this situation as raising kids is tough!

Has anyone introduced some house rules (such as we all speak respectfully to one another, we say please /thank you) even after years of living with a step child? How did you do it successfully?

Surely the horse has bolted if her parents have left it to teenage years to introduce respect and manners?

I would not class being respectful to those around you as 'house rules' at all tbh.

How long have you known her and what’s her dad’s approach to this? It’s up to him to tackle rudeness when it’s aimed at him, is he?

I’ve got teen DSC and we didn’t make any new rules as they got older, they were mostly pretty well mannered and thankfully have continued to be so far, they grunt more than they used to but they pitch in with chores and are friendly and polite to dad, our DD and me.

Please and thank you need to be in place long before adolescence hits but we all have different standards of what’s normal and acceptable behaviour. It won’t be easy trying to impose new rules if they similar ones haven’t been in place to date.

I agree with others that being respectful etc should always have been expected but if there's a change in behaviour then it's worth reinforcing and reminding.

Why don't you have a family meeting and discuss some house rules and expectations together. It might make no difference but sometimes getting kids involved and giving them some ownership can help.

If I was a teen I would be irritated by “house rules” apart from the obvious basics - keep common areas reasonably tidy, no blaring music at night etc.
Treating people with respect should be modelled as much as preached. If you feel she is being disrespectful to her dad that’s between them. If she’s being rude to you it might be worth asking yourself why that is. Is she under stress right now? Are your house rules very picky and fussy? Do you speak respectfully to her - eg ask and explain rather than order, give three compliments for every (mild) criticism.
Hey - not saying it’s easy and I’m sure she is being very annoying but you can try being super adult and saintly and choose your battles before automatically hauling out any big guns.

I require the basics in our house.

Ds cannot call me names or swear at me without consequences. Please & thank you are the norm. He has to put his dirty laundry in his laundry bin and he has to do his homework. No food, drink upstairs.

That works. Is he respectful? No, not all the time but having laid these ground rules over several years, if he sticks to these, I'm happy. And generally if I don't hassle him about other stuff he is good humoured and we coexist quite peacefully.

Set your absolute rules, be consistent and don't expect too much, and hopefully you will be ok.

It's not really houserules it's standard behaviour and the kid's parent should be pulling them up on it or they are failing

Respect is a given! We have house rules (older) it includes the users of the family bathroom clean the bathroom, you change your sheets, use the line rather than the tumble dryer if possible, wash your clothes gradually rather than bringing 3 basketfuls down, and most of all, call /text if you aren't home for dinner or you are bringing a plus 1.

I also issued chores for next weekend involving the vacuuming of carpets on the top floor (I have no need to go up there, only their rooms and bathroom is up there

Let her dad take the lead on it. She can be negative if she wants, but she needs to be respectful and her dad needs to have consequences if she's disrespectful to him.

It really depends on what you mean by ‘very disrespectful’? Swearing? Shouting? Or just not wanting to engage?

thanks everyone.
Please don’t get me wrong, SC is a great girl, my issue is with her recent behaviour not her.
I forgot to say, my partner and I have a toddler which is why I feel uneasy about SC talking to her father in a rude manner. It’s also really sad to see when my partner is a caring, loving father who wants to cherish the time he gets with her.

It’s a tricky line to tread, I respect the authority of her parents but equally, I feel like I need to say something given our toddler.

I hit post to soon on the above with checking it - just to clarify my toddler is besotted with SC and copies, I would be upset if she were to think talking to her father rudely is acceptable. I really don’t want her copying.

ah the joy of teens and toddlers!

If she’s rude, correct her.

Ask if she forgot to say thanks you.
Did she mean to miss off the please.

Tell her to stop being so rude if she is being rude.

Id never stand for my DSD being rude in our house. Teen or no teen.