Asking my boyfriends son to meet my family

[Illcity247]

So, I have a big brother that lives in Yorkshire. He planned to come down for his two newly adopted children to meet the family (I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters).
It was organised that my boyfriend's son (we've been together a year) was going to come along to meet them with us. I pushed for it because I see us as a family.
However, the week before my boyfriend told me his son had a football match scheduled and that he wouldn't be able to come with us. I was really devastated. I got upset and said that it's really unfair to pull out this late notice when it has been organised for months. My boyfriend said however what his son wants come first, and he wanted to go to football and not come to meet my nieces. For context his son really loves football. He is a bit of a lonesome child with few hobbies or friends. My boyfriend has his son every Saturday so I will often spend most weekends with him. My parents have both passed so my siblings are all I have.
We had a huge argument because I felt like I was not considered.
Am I being unfair saying I felt like his son could have missed one match to meet my family? My boyfriend is adamant what his son wants come first and if it happened again, the same would happen.
Friends of mine have said I didn't ask too much, but I'm not a parent and new to this step-parenting thing.

🤣🤣🤣I know what boy's are like with their matches but even if you were his mother the match would come first with him.I think your friends don't have children involved with sport or they would get it. It doesn't make your relationship with the child's father less important btw and I am wondering is that hiw you are measuring it because its not the case

I'll be honest and say that I don't think its appropriate for you to use this occasion to introduce your BF's son to the wider family.

The event was intended to welcome your new nieces into the family. A wonderfully special occasion. To have pushed to include your BF's son could be seen as an attempt to move the spotlight onto yourself and away from the girls.

I'm sure you didn't intend it that way, but I think that most people would consider a boy who has been on the periphery of your life for 12 months doesn't warrant (this time) the fanfare that the brand new father of two longed for and vulnerable girls might be expecting. His turn to be paraded will come in due course, when your relationship with your BF becomes more serious and permanent.

This!

Chances that OP will be back in 3 years on SP forum saying that she resents nephew dominating family life and wishes she had more time just with her own children?

high to inevitable

What nephew?

Chances that OP will be back in 3 years on SP forum saying that she resents DSS dominating family life and wishes she had more time just with her own children?

high to inevitable

my mistake

Yabu

your boyfriend’s son should not be at this event in the first place. It’s not the right event for introductions

you have only been dating the boyfriend a year. His son is not part of your family yet.

the kid should absolutely be prioritizing his own life over his dad’s girlfriends events.

I agree with everyone else.

Mainly because you are in the early stages of a new relationship (in terms of being in a relationship with a parent) so you aren't "a family" you are his Dad's new / current girlfriend.
But also, because this is a big moment for your brother, surely. A chance for his new daughters to be introduced to everyone.
Then also because, when you are part of a team, you are committed to being available unless it really isn't possible. It isn't something you can drop in and out of.

How long is your brother going to be in the area ?

Can your boyfriend and his son drop in after the match for a bit ?

Yeah sorry but I agree with most posters, YABVU!
You are not a step parent you are his dad's girlfriend. You have only been together a year and yet you say this event has been organised for months? You must have barely known the boy then never mind considering him family.

My kids are both in football teams. It's a big commitment. They have sponsors and their team to think of. There's subs to pay and lots of training. My family plan visits around matches or come to watch.
They certainly wouldn't be missing a match to meet some short term girlfriend's relatives.

The boyfriend of the year should not be at this event. This isn’t a birthday party. This is something much much more meaningful and important

The boyfriend of a year

I actually agree with you @Razu45. They're not actually a family unit yet and these young children (the nieces) will have had so much upheaval in their short lives that it's only right they're only introduced to people likely to be permanent fixtures in their lives.

I don't think their adoptive aunts boyfriend of 12 months falls into that category.

I returned to this thread from earlier to say exactly this. The boyfriend doesn't really have a role in this event either. The introduction of adopted children to extended family needs to be managed properly, with only thier needs in mind. It's not random bbq.

Added to which, this isn’t, or rather shouldn’t be, a big “event”

How utterly overwhelming would that be for the adopted children

it should be intimate, relaxed and very much with the children’s best interests at the the heart of any meeting.

it speaks volumes about the OP, it really does, that THIS is her focus rather than meeting her nieces for the first time

I have to agree with the people saying it wasn’t appropriate for you to be bringing him or your boyfriend in the first place.

YABVU

Why would he want to meet his dad's girlfriend's nieces? Put yourself in his shoes! Other peoples families are not interesting to kids. They ARE NOT his family.

Youe boyfriend is exactly right to put his son first.

I agree, the boyfriend should not attend either. This is a family only event.

You need to chillax.

The event was intended to welcome your new nieces into the family. A wonderfully special occasion. To have pushed to include your BF's son could be seen as an attempt to move the spotlight onto yourself and away from the girls

^This.

It is way too soon for you to be doing a ‘look at my happy family unit’, especially on what is a special event for your siblings new family. YABVU to shoehorn your BF’s son into a family event.

I thought this might be what it was about. Oh brother is bringing his new children? I’ll bring my new child too.

OP you’re not his stepmum. You’re his dad’s girlfriend who he’s known for a few months. He doesn’t want to miss out on things that are important to him to come and meet some lady’s family. And for two newly adopted children they don’t need an overwhelm of temporary family - they need stability and to be prioritised at this stage, not to meet uncles and cousins who might not stick around.

Exactly this

And you've only been together a year

Unless my son was in a&e or had a leg cut off he would never miss football. It is his world and his mates are his life and he'd never let his coaches down.

I know it must hurt but could he meet them after the match. I totally understand his pov however.

My parents have both passed so my siblings are all I have.

Are you forcing the 'family' thing for this reason?

Whatever the reason, it's not healthy.

I'm another one who doesn't think your boyfriend should even be at this get together. It will likely change the whole dynamic.

And having a random sulky kid there definitely will.

You're also looking at it the wrong way round. Its about your family meeting him. The onus isn't on the kid to want to meet youe family.

It isn't the right time. He is young and you want him to meet your whole family at once! That's just too much pressure on him. Instead keep it casual and short meetings with fewer relatives first in order not to overwhelm him.