Changing Christmas traditions

[awaodnsma]

More of an AIBU really!

I have two DD's aged 6 & 8. DSS is 11 and this is our first Christmas all living together as a family.

I've always been very anti elf on the shelf, I find it very American, and just more to add on to a busy mums plate in one of the busiest time and money pressed months so we have never had an elf and my eldest has always known others who have elves in the house have the parents move them.

DSS has an elf at his mums and is expecting this to happen at our house this Christmas and I really don't want to.

I know it sounds very scrooge but we both work full time, my eldest is autistic and still doesn't sleep through the night and I just am exhausted most of the time, the idea of thinking of an elf idea every night gives me the chills. But just doing on the one night of the week DSD stays will mean having to carry on as how do I explain to my youngest that the elf only visits when he stays and not during the week.

AIBU to say no? If he was a very small child I'd go with it to keep the Christmas magic but he is well aware the parents move it so should understand why it only happens when his mum does it?

I really like the idea of involving dss to do the elf for the younger two. It doesn't even need to be an elf, he could arrange a Christmas teddy or fairy to do something the one time a week he is there.

You don't have to do anything. Dss is happy and so will your dc be.

@CatchersAndDreams thats a lovely idea. And you could sell it to the younger DD that it only moves when you’re all together. That way you won’t have to worry about it

But just doing on the one night of the week DSD stays will mean having to carry on as how do I explain to my youngest that the elf only visits when he stays and not during the week.

How do you explain? You say the elf is DSS’s from his mother and the elf visits when DSS does. Easy. It’s not deep.

It’s wrong to say DSS should accept it only happens at his mother’s when he has a father too. Your husband should be doing this. Just because you have younger kids doesn’t mean all of DSS’s customs need to stop. And this is an easy one to continue. It’s one night a week FFS. Get your DH to pull his finger out and stop thinking about it.

I'm usually all for an easy life etc but I kind of feel that you could just do the elf and it wouldn't kill you.
We have a kind elf, he is often found reading books, or setting up cereal for the next day. He also delivers chocolate coins around the bedroom. It doesn't have to take ages and kids love it.

Can your step child's mother keep the elf and move it in her house the night your step child stays and send a picture over via text ?

He's 11, he's old enough to be told his elf is at his mothers house.

As I compromise I might agree that his elf visits when he's there, but your DH would have to transport his elf from his mothers every weekend. That way, the elf isn't expected at your house during the week and if anything it's more magical.

What the is elf on a shelf?

When on earth did I say the elf is low class or that DSS is spoiled?

You may find the term busy mum "ick" but it is just a fact that some parents have a lot more time than others because of circumstances etc.

I also don't think he is "too old" for the elf, I am just stating it would be entirely different if he was 5 and believed the elf came from the North Pole to visit him etc. i then would find it a bit heartless to tell him that isn't the case.

We have lots of lovely Christmas traditions that don't involve having to think of a new idea and moving a toy around the house every evening

The solution is very straightforward, OP. I’m surprised you’ve missed it.

Step one: Enact a cute set up, like Elf was trying to get into the choccie cupboard for a treat but…
Step two: Position blender under the cupboard
Step three: Remove Elf’s limbs and add him to blender.
Step four: Ketchup

“Oh no! I must have left the blender plugged in. Well, I guess that’s the last we’ll see of Elf at our house. Off to school!”

You could organise a funeral for Elf the following week, which might give all the children something to look forward to. And, you could actually revive Elf the following Halloween as a family activity… which is much cheaper than 5 tickets to PYO pumpkins.

You’re welcome.

@sandytooth

Your husband can deal with the bloody elf. If it only moves when he can be arsed then so be it.

I love it.

Send this to your dh.

We can't have an elf in our house because I'm allergic. Are you sure you're not too OP?

She doesnt want to do the fucking elf

Seems like the perfect solution. He wants elf. He can "do" elf.

@PeeAche2 Thats great!

On a more serious note "Christmassing" shouldn't just be left to one partner unless they've agreed to this.

Don't do it. His mum at home does it the night your SS is at yours. She takes a photo and WhatsApps it to him so he can see what she did with the elf while he was at yours. Job done.

If she wants to. She might want a night off from the bloody elf thing too.

I am with you - it's another piece of home making responsibility that would fall on you. Don't do it. By telling your daughter's you will release them from future burden's of this kind!! Do things that bring you and your daughter's happiness and joy - if necessary, get DSS to do some sort of weekly pre Christmas fun.

Absolutely not.
His mum can do whatever she wants & your household can have their own tradition.

It will make it more special for his mum to have her own thing.