Family member never invites stepkids

[sandytooth]

Hello I have posted here before under a different name (not about this) but it got a bit outing so I changed it.

I have 2 DSC and 1 DC. I have one sibling who doesn't live local to the rest of the family so returns about 6 times a year. Anyway the DSC have been in my life now a good 6-7 years and if a family event is on a date they are with DH then I bring them along. I guess what with covid and everything there haven't been many opportunities to see my family over the years and we have prioritised seeing the DSC's grandparents when they are with us.

But it's starting to bug me, this one sibling invites me and DC out for the day or to go and have a meal out but always specifies me and DC. I've even said oh we have DSCS that weekend but no just me and DC. I guess I'm just a bit sad that they don't want the chance to get to know these important people in my life. Not saying they need to be treated as family if that's not what the feelings are but they are my family.

Any one been through similar and have any advice?

Because when they are at her house, they are part of her family. I can never understand people who partition stepchildren off as a separate thing. They are your family, half-siblings to your own children.

If your sibling doesn't have children she probably isn't all that interested in other peoples DC tbh. She may make the effort for your younger cuter DC that his her actual DN.

How old are DSC? Big difference between a 3yo toddling along and an 11yo ear wiggling or incessantly talking of themselves or looking bored on their phone, this must be taken into consideration

The stepkids to your siblings are your husband's kids and have no attachment to them.

They want to see your child, that's their sister's kid.

You don't see your siblings much, so I don't think their request to see you and your child is excluding your Stepkids.

They probably wavt to make a fuss over your DC and might not feel free to do so, work your SC there.

I’d just ask them why they are not happy to include DSC. Is it a cost thing to keep numbers small? Or they feel more relaxed and able to share updates on life without them there?

what are ages of DSC and DC?

I think it’s totally fine to decline because DSC are with you and suggest another date.

But it's starting to bug me, this one sibling invites me and DC out for the day or to go and have a meal out but always specifies me and DC. I've even said oh we have DSCS that weekend but no just me and DC.

and your response?

YOU need to advocate for your step children op if you wish for them to Join

How does your husband feel about prospect of his two children going off for the day without him on his weekend with them?

I assumed he’d be with them - it would be really odd if he wasn’t welcome either. Maybe OP can clarify.

It’s pretty clear

this one sibling invites me and DC out for the day or to go and have a meal out but always specifies me and DC.

I think you need to be firm that on days when DH has the DSC the whole family comes as a package deal or not at all. It's fine for you to arrange to see them only on days when DSC are with their mum but you won't agree to dividing up the family during your limited time together.

@Doingprettywellthanks I meant OP just said DSC were going, too.

if OP just said she would bring DSC too.

Well yes I meant with him too. I think it's just assumed if the DSC aren't coming they'll be with him on his days.