I’ve had bad news and want to be on the down low this weekend

[Bronzino1]

I have just found out that my mum has cancer, it’s a pretty miserable diagnosis and I am profoundly sad about it. My partner and I have been living together for 5 months and his son has been coming over to say for last month or so. His son is 16 & a nice enough lad, I have no problems with him. He’s due this weekend and my partner is going to collect him as usual, but I don’t want him to come. I am a mass of tears and misery and don’t want anyone around. I’ve told my partner that I’m not my shiniest and he replied that the boy is looking forward to playing table tennis, so he doesn’t want to let him down, but I don’t want him there. Any ideas how to handle this please?

I’m sorry about your Mum.

I don’t know if this is a weird thing to say but when I found out my Mum had terminal cancer (6 weeks to live from diagnosis) I actually found it quite comforting and distracting to throw myself into family life with the dc etc. It meant I couldn’t really have any sort of breakdown but in some ways that wasn’t a bad thing as I needed to keep strong mentally for what was to come.

I do agree with the others though that at 16 he is nearly an adult and plenty old enough to understand that you’re feeling sad and need some time to yourself. I don’t think you can stop him coming over though. That wouldn’t be fair.

Hey all, I wanted to thank you so much for your kindness and advice. He did come, and he’s been absolutely lovely and I think oddly it’s been a good bonding experience. I was so scared, and a bit resistant, and I absolutely didn’t need to be. I’ve learnt a lot this weekend. Thanks again, you helped me so much.

It's his home. He's not a guest! You have to make alternative arrangements.

Ah op I am so glad it’s been ok, or even a good thing.

I hope you are ok too ❤️

So pleased to hear he’s been supportive and you’re doing as well as could be expected. It’s healthy to show children age-appropriate honest emotion, it means they’re more likely to be honest about their own feelings and learn how to navigate them, especially boys and young men. Well done all of you.

@pompomdaisy go away. There’s just no need for the strident judgement when someone is struggling.

(((HUG)))

im so sorry for your shitty news about your mum 💐is the hospital near you? Does she live near you?

I'm glad having DSS worked out ok. But at 16, he's old enough to be told 'not this weekend mate'. he's not 6, seeing his Dad one weekend a month.

I hope things go as well as they possibly can for your mum xx

So sorry about your mum. I think you've handled the visit by DSS so very well. You allowed yourself to show your feelings and that has taught DSS that adults are allowed to show their sadness as well as how important it is to support those we care about in the hard times. I know it wasn't an intention to have 'teachable moments' during his visit, but sometimes the biggest lessons we learn are taught quietly and unintentionally.

Wishing you and your family peace and calm.

It's sad but you need to just do your own thing instead - leave your dp to be with his son. His son is old enough to be told why you are upstairs/out