How do teens cope with shared care and living far from school?

[TwoDots]

I’m writing this to get an idea of what we might expect over the next few years. I like to be mentally prepared. I’ve read on here that generally older kids don’t like 50/50 arrangements and they tend to gravitate towards one home. Is that the case for teens in anyone’s experience?

DH and his ex are currently applying for secondary schools for their DD (10) who is in year 6. Their preferred choice is at a school which is within walking distance to our house. Her primary school is also within walking distance from us.

The current routine is a bit bonkers but the ex won’t change it. Basically 4/10 school days, DSD is with us, and 6/10 school days she’s with her mum. The thing is her mum lives the other side of the county and is at least 30 mins drive. So she spends more time at the house which is considerably further away from school. That’s a whole other story.

Does anyone have any experience of how teens cope with living so far away from their school and their friends etc.? Should we expect DSD to want to spend more time here eventually?

It’s 30 minutes. I think that’s a perfectly normal commute to school for lots of people.

so, in answer to your question, perfectly well because it’s perfectly usual.

Well yea, I suppose I used to have a 30 min walk to school, but it was local. This is 25 miles away, mostly on a motorway.

My real question is if the SD would want to spend more time in ours because I hear teens don’t do so well with shared care

I have raised my dd as a single parent since she was 3 - she's now 17.
As a young girl she spent 2 nights with her dad and the rest with me.
Her dad lives closer to her school, and her school friends.
I assumed when she became a teenager and more independent she would spend more time at her dads.
However she is still here 5 sometimes 6 nights a week.,,she just prefers it here, whilst also loving her dad and stepmum to bits.
So in answer to your question...yes teenagers do spend the majority of time in the home they prefer - in my experience anyway x

Thank you for your input. That’s really interesting to hear! It could go the other way I suppose.

DSD wants equal time here and I fear this may continue, not because o don’t want her here, but because of the arguments it causes between DH and his ex

Me and my ex had 50/50 when we split, kids were 2, 3 and 12. We carried on for a few years. I moved home, changed the younger 2 schools, and we decided that for the children's benefit it would be better if they predominantly lived where they went to school.

The kids live with me Mon to Fri, my son goes to his dad's 3/4 weekends and my daughter EOW (my oldest is now 22). It means they're friends, clubs etc are where they spend most of their time.

It has worked well for us, kids are settled and we tend to adjust/be flexible with weekends depending on what kids have on.