Step daughter meeting parents

[Stepit]

Hi, I’m new here and very new to step parenting, my partner and I have been together 8 months, he stays with me most of the week. We waited until 6 months of dating to meet his child but now I’ve met his daughter (3) and she’s had sleepovers with us here and is very comfy with us together, even had a little break away and we get on great.

My question is, my parents are desperate to meet her, and we are introducing them this weekend.

How should we introduce them?
My mums calling her a grandchild (off the cuff in conversation with friends) which is lovely, and I know she’ll be very well loved and spoilt (she already is!) but do we introduce her as Denise or Grandma?

going forward, we plan on having children in the next year or so, I’d hate for her to not feel part of the family if the children were to call her grandma and she didn’t.

I’m a bit confused and my OH doesn’t really know what to think about it either, says he doesn’t mind- he’s too laid back! 🙈

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.

Definitely introduce them by their names.

My DSD4 calls my parents by their names. She absolutely adores them. We're getting married in 3 months and my mum suggested calling them gran ans granda after the wedding. The thought behind this is my 2 nephew call them gran ams granda and she doesn't want DSD to feel different. My parents are also foster carers and their foster kids call them by their names so she doesn't was DSD feeling like a foster kid.

DPs parents are both dead so she has no grandparents on her dad's side who might be offended by this.

Our situation is different though. You haven't been together long and your parents are currently strangers. If things become more serious and your DP and SC feel comfortable you can always change what they're called in the future.

Nobody is being vile

I think you’ve been really, really under thinking.

This is a vulnerable child. You can’t mess with their feelings. Imagine if they were introduced to every one of dad’s short-term girlfriends (this is what eight months is), then to their parents and asked to call them Grandma?

Think very very carefully about having a child with a man who is showing you who he is as a parent. His child is not his current priority and that needs to change at once.

I'm a step mum and a step Nan to my step sons daughter.

I just let my step son tell me what I was called as he's in an awkward position and it doesn't matter in the long run.

you were introduced to his DC after 6mths and now your parents are wanting to call her a grandchild. I have just posted on another thread that parents should be very careful about introducing new partners to their kids. you may be in the throes of love but should wait until your truly committed before bringing children into it. I have been a step child and its terribly damaging to them having lots of new 'stepmums and dads' appearing and then disappearing.

So I would have suggested your DP slows things down but hey ho its not unsual for men to latch on to a 'new' woman (mum) for his young child and she can start parenting and taking over parental duties whilst he sits on his ass

Ick it's a lovely sentiment for your mum to be saying and totally the right vibes but probably just introduce them my name.

I have always been called "pitchforksandflamethrowers" by DSD until she introduced me to her latest beau as her sm. I think both of us were a little taken back and have promptly never mentioned it again but the sentiment was there.

Try to be child-lead is the best advice I can give (this will sometimes take you off the path mum or dad may prefer) but I think for me it's what's worked the best !

Good luck ps your mum sounds lovely 🥰

Ffs

By*

Thank you, this is exactly what we have done.

They were introduced as their names and got on brilliantly.

My mum is amazing and contrary to the previous ‘non vile’ 🙄 posters, we are sane, we are actually very thoughtful and we have the child in this situation at the forefront of our minds.

Thank you for your understanding.

OP,

This sounds very rushed, however kind and well meaning you are.

He's living with you most of the time??....after 8 months......so he needed housing, how convenient for him.🙄

Be very wary of "too laid back", it is code for lazy men who find a woman to house and parent their child, and basically live off while doing as little as possible.

They look for skivvy /au pair naive types, who have a home and a job, and boy do they "fall in love" quickly, while being enthusiastic about yet another child to seal the deal and lock in the woman.

Laid back men generally can't be arsed and it gets very old, VERY quickly.

You sound very nice, don't allow yourself to be used.

Have a good look at this site at all the step parenting threads and how many women wish they never got sucked into it.

It is not for the faint hearted.