Step daughter meeting parents

[Stepit]

Hi, I’m new here and very new to step parenting, my partner and I have been together 8 months, he stays with me most of the week. We waited until 6 months of dating to meet his child but now I’ve met his daughter (3) and she’s had sleepovers with us here and is very comfy with us together, even had a little break away and we get on great.

My question is, my parents are desperate to meet her, and we are introducing them this weekend.

How should we introduce them?
My mums calling her a grandchild (off the cuff in conversation with friends) which is lovely, and I know she’ll be very well loved and spoilt (she already is!) but do we introduce her as Denise or Grandma?

going forward, we plan on having children in the next year or so, I’d hate for her to not feel part of the family if the children were to call her grandma and she didn’t.

I’m a bit confused and my OH doesn’t really know what to think about it either, says he doesn’t mind- he’s too laid back! 🙈

You only met his DD for the first time 2 months ago!
Why on earth would you think she'd refer to your mum, who she'd never met in her life, as grandma?

And your DP is even more at fault here. He needs to grow a backbone instead of being too lazy to have an opinion on his own daughters up-bringing

8 months with her dad but OP only met her DPs Dd 2 months ago. Beggars belief

Honestly think twice about having children with a man who doesn’t think long and hard about the little but important things such as what to call your parents. One day it could be your child he’s introducing new ‘grandparents’ to

I would introduce your parents by their names. If she wants to call them something different she can.

Make sure you're partner has lots of time alone with his daughter. This is a very new relationship and you're not a family yet.

You've only been dating for a few months, no idea what your DP was thinking introducing his DC to his new girlfriend after such a short space of time and very overwhelming for her to now be meeting the new girlfriend's family. Way too soon. Slow it all down

Wow you are in a rush! Just why?
and why is your mum buying her presents? You both need to work on boundaries.

No offence OP, but I find your question unbelievable.

You've only been together 8 months! Absolutely bizarre that youd even think its in any way appropriate to introduce your mum as grandma.

I have a few alarm bells ringing about some of the things youve said about your boyfriend too.

Exactly this

Oh...and she's not your stepdaughter either.

You've known the Dd for approx 8 weeks....so probably 4 weekends?! And you're referring to it as step parenting?

My step son has always had me called nanny. I love it so much. My granddaughter is the best. As is my stepson I am very lucky.

Eight months. You are her dad's girlfriend.

The whole thing is crazy and far too intense. Your mum needs to not make off the cuff comments like that.

I've been with my dh a long time though

This

my son was introduced to my ex’s parents as granny “name” at their request/insistence he was 1 at the time and when we separated 5 years later he was really conffused when they dumped him and took nothing to do with him after being very hands on for so long and that was all on me and I felt terrible. He now can’t understand why they still see his brother whom is there grandchild and not him It’s been years and I’ve not met anybody else but if I did I would never do that again it would be first names only and clear boundaries.

So much wrong here. You’ve known this man 5 minutes. You have met his child, who you know even less, yet you are referring to yourself as step parent. And your mum thinks this child is her granddaughter. Your boyfriend, father of child, thinks all this is ok because he’s ‘laid back’. Are any of you sane? Oh, and of course you’re planning a child of your own. Poor kid. I can only hope she has a sensible mum, but as she also fell for this laid back excuse of a man that is now incapable of making good decisions about his child and protecting her, I thinking probably not.
🤦🏻‍♀️🤯🚩

Well did you introduce yourself as mummy, or use your name? If you didn’t introduce yourself as mummy, the reason you made that decision is the same reason your mum shouldn’t be called grandma.

You’ve only been meeting her for eight weeks, hopefully only a handful of times rather than being there everytime she is with her dad, she isn’t having sleepovers with you, she is with her dad in her home.

Too laid back most likely means he isn’t bothered about his daughter having appropriate secure boundaries.

She isn’t your step daughter, she is your boyfriends daughter. You are not a blended family.

My son was three when I started dating my husband, him calling my son his step son eight weeks after meeting him would be a huge 🚩, him having parents who were calling a child of a short term boyfriend the had never met their grandchild would be a huge 🚩 him wanting to go away with a young child he has known eight weeks would be a huge 🚩. The fact that your boyfriend seems to lack appropriate boundaries for his daughter is worrying.

Op your clear lack of boundaries says it all. You're not ready to be a step parent

There are things in my fridge older than your relationship. You should absolutely not be confusing the poor child by playing up to what you think society's expectations might be. Let things develop at the child's pace, don't force anything.
Also, the reason your future child will call your mum grandma is that she will be their grandma. By that time, your DSD (she isn't really your step child yet btw) will either be calling your mum grandma off her own bat or calling her by her name as she's perfectly content knowing she has two grandma's of her own already. Don't borrow trouble by second guessing the potential future.

I think it is lovely your mum is excited, but agree with the comments about not rushing into naming it. Having lots of adults in her life that will love and care for her is positive.

My son now calls my OH parents Nanny Jane and Grandad Simon (nit their actual names!). Other Grandparents are just Nanny, Grandad etc.

My sisters step children are adults and the family don't see them as step children at all. It's actually weird thinking of them like this and my sister has divorced and moved on...we seemed to keep her exes kids in the split- bonus for us and them!

It was an off the cuff comment, I think she was trying to be inclusive.
she was away with friends on a shopping trip and picked up and bought a barbie doll, my brothers have boys who all like dinos and hey duggie so her friends were confused as to why she was buying a barbie, and she made the comment of it being for SD, her granddaughter.

But it wasn't that an off the cuff comment if she then repeated it to you explaining that she referred to a girl she never met as her granddaughter

I would say way tooo soon.
I completely love and understand how excited you are and also your mum is to have her included in your family.

But just introduce your mum as "my mum - Denise ?" and DSD will start calling her Denise and it would change if she ever felt that way. You shouldn't really introduce her as Grandma. She might ask when she is older "is she my grandma" in which you can explain.

Hope it goes really well. Your boyfriend and DSD are lucky to have you being so thoughtful and caring

Please don't make it a negative thing that her mum wants to include her DSD. I understand referring to her as a grand child is a little inappropriate at the moment but she probably doesn't know how to approach the situation and is trying her best not to leave her out.

Many SM's parents are roasted on here for not including the SC or treating them the same as bio grandchildren.

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.

Thank you for this, and for understanding the position I am in currently.

Some of the responses on this thread have been vile, I don’t think people would talk to strangers asking simple, honest questions looking for some guidance in this way face to face, so it astounds me that people sit behind screens doing it.