I don't want this to sound bad, because I'm no way am I blaming my boyfriends son at all! However I'm starting to notice a pattern in behaviours and wondered if maybe there's unresolved feelings or tension?
Basically... My boyfriends son is 17 he has lived with us since he was 13, me and his dad got together when he was 9/10 years old. The first few years of getting to know one another were brill, we got on so well and had a brilliant relationship! I absolutely loved having him sleep over every weekend. He very much changed for a long time when he went into secondary school, and started doing really horrible things to other people, family etc so he ended up moving in with us at 13. He was stealing, running away, treating people like shit, we'd come home and he would have loads of people in smoking weed (me and his dad don't and didn't smoke at all) it was basically a whole living mess and struggle with him. My boyfriend was really struggling with uni because he would have to come and collect him most days from school or he would be excluded and need looking after... I'm briefly touching on it all as I could be here all day. Basically he was a proper little shit... it really took a strain on mine and my boyfriends relationship as we never really argued or had problems before all this and all of a sudden we were at each other's throats all the time (arguing) and we ended up miserable. To the point where we actually broke up over it all. A lot of it was to do with his way of parenting and I was sick of his son basically just being allowed to be this way, and everything I thought and said regarding his son never was took into consideration it was as though it wasn't my business but at the end of the day it was my home also. Anyway, we got back together after nearly a year of not being together and wanted to try again fresh. We have a baby who's 10 months old, and his son who is now 17 still lives with us.
His son is nowhere near was he was like through school. He's far from perfect, but he isn't "bad" he's probably just a typical teenager. But he's calmed down a lot from before.
But what I have noticed is when he spends more time away from the house staying at his mams me and his dad seem to get on so well and really have a lovely time together and with baby obv. But when he's around I don't know what it is but me and his dad just seem to clash.... and I not blaming the son... but it just feels like a coincidence? He isn't actually doing anything wrong, so I'm wondering if f maybe it is coming from a place that has unresolved feelings towards him and what it caused for our family previously? Like unconsciously? Because even tho he was a child there is a part of me that resents him for everything that happened due to his behaviour.
I'm just analysing because there is a distinct difference with how me and his dad is together when he is and ain't around? So It must maybe be coming from a subconscious place if that makes sense?