Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

DS sleeping in DSS room

20 replies

postpdep · 26/09/2022 14:19

DH's family are being very off with me, because dss has complained about having to share his room with his baby brother (1)

We live in a 3 bed, dd has the biggest room out of the kids rooms as she is the resident child.

We have kept ds with us but it's just becoming a nightmare he needs his own room now. So we have put him in dss's room. Dss stays 4 nights a month, sometimes 3. Those nights he does we will take ds out so he has space to himself, but that isn't good enough to DH's family.

They want me us to move to a bigger house (we can't afford that) or to divide dd's room to make it "fair".

The thing is they are very bitchy as a family, they all talk about each other behind everyone's backs, i hear comments through various family members or they make the odd comment with a smile, nobody has directly told me how they feel, they are just being off.

Do I just ignore the shitty comments or respond in the same way? Sarcastic with a smile

OP posts:

BodenCardiganNot · 26/09/2022 14:21

Block them all. Problem solved.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 26/09/2022 14:22

I personally would start talking about a magic money tree and if anyones willing to help stump up for the extra money to buy said 4 bed house you will gratefully receiver it - also say that if Dc was a girl it would be her soon sharing.

That said MN isn't a place usually where these debates don't get heated so I hope you have your hard hat on.

I shared with my siblings, and funnily enough I didn't need to go to therapy about it afterwards. And I was part of a sp family before anyone asks.

Blendiful · 26/09/2022 14:35

Ignore it. You have made the right decisions re rooms.

For some reason people always think step kids need their own room even if they don't even sleep there! It's just not possible sometimes. And it's ridiculous IMO for a family to put themselves struggling to pay stuff and offering a lower standard of life for the sake of having a room that someone sleeps in once a week.

He has his own space. Siblings often have to share spaces it's just how it is.

Goldbar · 26/09/2022 14:58

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 26/09/2022 14:22

That said MN isn't a place usually where these debates don't get heated so I hope you have your hard hat on.

I shared with my siblings, and funnily enough I didn't need to go to therapy about it afterwards. And I was part of a sp family before anyone asks.

This is a very good idea. Work out how much you would need for a 4-bed house or extension/loft conversion, set up a GoFundMe page and send them links. Tell them given they're so concerned about a baby using DSS's room when he's not in it given he only comes 4 nights a month, you're expecting generous donations in the tens of thousands from each of them to put an end to this sorry state of affairs. Maybe they could take out a loan to pay their share?

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 26/09/2022 15:15

People are too precious about space for children. I shared with my sister until I was 18 - and that was in a one bed flat with parents sleeping in the living room.

Hoardasurass · 26/09/2022 16:09

If your dd has the biggest room I would say move her to the smaller room and divide the larger room into 2 with a partition wall then each of the dc have there own space.
How old is your dss

TidyDancer · 26/09/2022 16:13

I think dividing your DD's room isn't a bad idea tbh. Although the arrangement you have in place isn't bad, it's just hard on the child not there all the time to feel that they don't have their own space anymore.

FlounderingFruitcake · 26/09/2022 16:17

Is DSS actually bothered? If he’s older and would like to spend more time at yours but feels he can’t because he doesn’t have his own space, can’t invite mates round because he has an embarrassing baby room etc. then I’d strongly consider if you could divide DD’s room to give them all a room each. If he doesn’t actually care and there’s no way he’d come more than EOW anyway then there’s no problem is there and you can happily ignore the bitchy family.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 26/09/2022 16:26

I would swap the rooms around so the two sharing have the bigger room and the dc on their own has a smaller one. If the room can be split so they have their own space that could be worth doing as they get older, but seriously, they are siblings and they will need to get used to it. I had to share with my sister who was 10 years younger than me, and when at my dads I had to sleep on the sofa. People on here make such a big deal about dc needing their own room but kids sharing seems to be normal with the families I know.

Isaidnoalready · 26/09/2022 16:35

Girls and boys sharing together isn't a permanent fix it makes more sense the way your doing it

MeridianB · 26/09/2022 19:46

Not sure how old DSS and DS are but it’s academic, anyway.

You need to completely ignore these silly people. How are they ‘sharing’ their views? Directly to you? Via DH? Via DSS?

Your DH should be closing this down.

From what you have said about them, they will find a new thing to criticise if you changed the bedroom situation.

properdoughnut · 26/09/2022 19:49

Ignore them it's not up to them.

How old is DS though? If he's older than about 4-5 I can see it potentially becoming a problem as he enters the teen years but worry about that if it happens.

Ask them to pay for the bigger house ha!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/09/2022 19:49

I'd probably have the boys in the bigger room so there's more space as they get older but other than that I'd be telling them to do one

lickenchugget · 26/09/2022 19:52

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 26/09/2022 15:15

People are too precious about space for children. I shared with my sister until I was 18 - and that was in a one bed flat with parents sleeping in the living room.

If people are precious about space for children, it moves to a whole new level when it’s for stepchildren. Basically, everyone else should be shoved in bathrooms, lofts, closets, as long as DSC’s have their own room, which must be kept shrine-like at all times, regardless of how small your home is.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 26/09/2022 19:57

How about wow dss you are so lucky to share with ds. Dd wishes she could..
Ignore the twatty remarks op.. My dc share - death stare would be going to such people..

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2022 20:45

DH needs to tell them to stop bringing it up and you need to leave it to him and ignore the nasty bunch of them. Not your circus, not your problem. DH needs a firm “oh god not this again” response and to resist explaining or defending the decisions you two make for your family and your home.

TrashyPanda · 26/09/2022 23:44

I’d have the two boys share the bigger room and move the girl into the smaller one.

it seems fairest that way.

britneyisfree · 26/09/2022 23:54

Why would she swap the rooms. He's only there 3-4 nights a month not a week.

EvieJeanBengal · 27/09/2022 05:22

The way you’ve got things set up is fine. Your DD is young lady and the oldest resident child. Young ladies need their privacy. SS is only there 4 days a month. He can share with his little brother. As for you DH family, ignore their “Poor widdle SS child of divorce” garbage. Tell them if they want you to have a bigger house they can damn well pay for it or shut their yaps. Sounds like them stirring trouble and putting ideas in SSs head.

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/09/2022 07:03

Why is he only staying 3 or 4 nights a month?

Flip