Does everyone just over compensate?

[Isthisnowmylife]

I’ve name changed for this as sis in law uses this site.

Just here to see if I’m alone in all this? I’m a step mum to a 10 year old boy. Been with partner 4 years and we have a 6 month old baby. My partner split with his son’s mum when he was 1. They weren’t properly together in the first place but tried to make a go of it unsuccessfully. Since then they’ve co-parented well and he sees his son regularly…a 60/40 arrangement. His son’s mum has however been difficult over the years both before he met me and very much since.

Their split was nothing to do with me but she has never liked the fact he’s moved on. I’m not sure if there are other issues on her side. I very much keep out of things and let him deal with everything and I try to have a good relationship with his son.

One thing I’ve noticed is how much everyone -namely SIL and IL’s fuss and are so OTT with DSS. It’s unreal and almost comedic to watch. I just let them crack on but it doesn’t make me wonder why this is. I’m concerned my baby will eventually pick up on this as she grows and I wouldn’t want her to be treated differently.

Its like they are over compensating for something…the fact his parents aren’t together likely yet the ironic part of it all is he’s had double of everything. Spoilt more than any child I know to the point where he’s properly better off than children who’s parents are together.

As mentioned I let them crack on but I am worried for my baby feeling left out in the future. And I almost feel sad as it’s like they are trying to make up for the fact his dads met me. Yet I was nothing to do with the split and have worked so hard to ensure he’s never left out and respect their relationship.

Any advice? Will this change? Does this come from their own insecurities?

You sound jealous of a 10 year old. All that faux concern that he is getting spoiled.

For God's Sake, stop being mean and bitter. He's just a little boy and sibling to your own child. Your DC has his mummy and daddy 100% of the time and you want to begrudge a little boy who doesn't some treats and attention?

Have a word with yourself.

OP, I totally get what you’re saying. DSS was 11 when I met DH, he stayed with us EOW and the whole world had to revolve around a non resident child. DH and his relatives treated him as though he’d been orphaned in an earthquake and it all got quite ridiculous. And yes, it did make me resentful. And DH was terrified that he’d stop wanting to visit, and we all know what Disney parenting looks like.

However DSS grew up having very little respect for his Dad, and they don’t see much of each other now (DSS is 25 now) so it’s not a great long term strategy.

Yes, we have this, and yes, it's done DSS no favours as a person.

But if your MIL actively dislikes you and noticeably treats your DD less kindly then I would stop spending as much time with them. No reason either of you need to be put through that. Bluntly (and it's not as extreme as it is in your case because my ILs mean well and as far as I'm aware they don't dislike me) this is part of the reason my DD is closer to my side of the family. You don't have to put her in a position where she feels second best, or yourself in a situation that is hostile.

Your post is silly.

It is very common for parents, grandparents and other relatives to have favourite child/children so much so because it is noticeable.

I was told off by one of my SILs because I spent more time with her children when they were younger then then my other nephews and nieces. However in my case it was due to location. I lived a mile away from them so I could walk to their house, but all the rest were an hour away on public transport or lived in places that were inaccessible by public transport.