How to call stepmother by her name or mother?

[originalplus]

My father would like me to call his second wife mom.
My biological mother died when I was very young. What do you think?

Christ no that's weird. She's not old enough to be your Mum. What an absolutely bizarre request. A simple "no thanks" will do.

Just to add, I also lost my mum, I have a stepmother who is actually only 8 years older than me. Not a chance I'd call her mum, I love her and we have a comfortable relationship but no way would that be appropriate. I've got a mum even if she's not here. She treats my children as grandchildren but they don't call her anyone other than her name 🤷🏻‍♀️

How do you feel about calling her "mother". It means the same to her but you didn't call your mom that. Would that feel better?

Many step parents are referred to by their 1st name - in fact I would say the majority.

Just call her by her name. You’re not a little kid, she will never be a mother figure to you. That doesn’t mean that you don’t all love each other, and you’re still all family. My stepson has always called me by my name. He was young when we got together. I’d never have felt comfortable with mum, even if his mother had not been around.

Be honest with them, tell them you love them and think of her as family, but mom doesn’t feel right.

Do what makes you feel comfortable, there's no right or wrong.

My parents split when I was a baby and both remarried (to different people) when was almost 3. I call my step dad 'Dad' and my step mum by her name. You can tell who I had the better relationship with...

My DS calls my sm by her name as I always call her by her nan. I always wondered why my son seemed like he had to call her nanny so and so.
He know my mum is Nan.

My older brother would say to my DS to call my SM nan. Don't think anyone should be forced to call a step parent mum or even the SC child to call them Nan.

@TheFormidableMrsC

I call her by her Name.

I don't think there is one right answer and one rule to follow.
In the end, everyone should do what their heart tells them.
I am of the opinion that there can be love, affection even when there is no blood bond.
And that we need a mother at any age.
Besides, she is about to give my father a child, a little brother or sister after so many years, and that is also why I consider it disrespectful to call her by her first name.

Is this post actually the step mum asking if the teenager should call her mum??

Goodness no. In age she's more like a big sister anyway. Just say you'll call her by her first name (and I'd be surprised if she'd want an almost 18 year old to call her 'mom').
It's up to you, not your father.

I think this is a decision just for you. If you Dad is worried the new baby will get confused, it won't. My youngest never called his Dad by his first name even though his siblings did because he was their stepdad.

If she has been in your life a while, if she loves respects and nurtures you, could she be something like MamaFirstname? But only if and when you both feel comfortable, Dad's feelings don't count here.

This all of this.

^^

You don't owe her just because her and your father have chosen to have a baby. Do you really think that they are going that for your benefit? At almost 18?

There's absolutely nothing disrespectful about choosing not to call her 'mum'.

What is disrespectful is your father telling you he wants you to do this. I'd say that about a younger child too, but at almost 18, with a 31yo SM, it's absolutely ridiculous.

Call her mum, as you seem to want to. From what you’ve said you have a good relationship, and you look upon her a maternal figure. Your biological mother may not be here, but you still have a need and desire for a maternal connection. No, not everyone in the same situation would need to call someone else ‘mum’, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t or that you can’t.

you will never forgot your mother, and calling your stepmother mum doesn’t mean that you will, and it doesn’t mean that you’ll love her any less either. Give yourself permission to do what makes you happy.