Vibe completely changes when DSC are here.

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Anyone else have this?

50% of the time it's me DH and our one DC. Then the other 50% it's us and DHs two older DC, DSC.

I just hate the way the whole vibe of the house changes. I know it's normal that more people equals more mess, more noise and so on but there's just a bit of an atmosphere too. DH seems more stressed, we don't get on as well as a couple and there just seems to be some sort of tension that isn't there when they aren't here.

When it's just us we get on so much better, things seem calmer, we spend more time together (our DC has a much earlier bed time), laugh and joke together so much more. The house just feels nicer.

I can't put my finger on it or one particular reason but it's true and it makes me look forward to them leaving again after their days here are over so I can get my calm/nicer home back.

I had that at the beginning. It wore away over time but it turned out DP was on edge the whole time his DS was here because it was so important and emotional for him and he felt a lot of pressure to get it all right.

I think there is a bit of this. Wanting to make it 'special' all the time even though it's half the week not EOW!

A fair bit of it will be the difference in having older children in the house. As you said, you get more time together when they’re not their simply because your child has an earlier bedtime. A child-free evening is something I miss now my children are teenagers.

Older children require more engagement in the evening than young children. They want to chat, they might need nagging to do homework, they may need monitoring about how much time they’re on devices, they may need ferrying to activities, they want to watch certain TV programmes… Depending on ages and how self-sufficient they are, it’s not especially relaxing.

Yes we had this but it's calmed down a lot now. He's realised this is their home not their holiday home

This along with a healthy dose of guilt for not being around full time . Also seeing behaviours in his kids that he doesn't like and associates with his exw but feels like he is losing the parenting battle trying to change these behaviours and coming across as strict/nagging etc and doesn't want to give the kids reasons not to come.

Yes.
It’s been 12 years now and still like this. It doesn’t help that DH is a Disney Dad.
I go out with our little ones to ensure SC have plenty of time with their Dad but there’s always an atmosphere (particularly with his eldest - everything MUST revolve around her).
Its a much calmer, tidier, stress free and tension free house when they go home.

I mean there's a change of dynamic when you invite different people to a party.

So I imagine it's much like that tbh, different folk different vibe. It depends on what your DH like.

I find the vibe changes because my DSD requires a lot more emotional bandwidth (teen years) much like my toddler (toddler years) but it's ebbs and flows depending on who is having a emotional day or not (for us at least.)

I think in nuclear houses the vibe is pretty static, but with blended families the vibes always changing due to different people coming and going and that change can be unsettling because not everyone likes the change in tempo.

It's not bad so much as different and changing gears when your tired/stressed ect is much harder. Just my opinion of course.

Yanbu. The fussing by the NRP, the lack of rules/bedtime, the need for EVERYONE to sit in the lounge and watch a film of their choice together (when we usually all just float about in and out), I understand why it’s this way, but you are definitely NBU to prefer it when it’s normal.

It's normal for there to be a difference when different people are resident. In my case (all adults) it's dsd that's resident all the time, one of mine in university holidays and one is working elsewhere so just occasionally ... we are all on edge when she visits because we want to include her, for it to be special eg eating out, good wine, her favourite foods, I'm sure the other kids get a bit annoyed as it appears all the stops are pulled out for her but the reality is I squeeze all the treats or special treatment into 5 days here or 2 days there whereas I treat dsd "just because" regularly eg picking up custard tarts because I know she's a bit down (job hunting) or nipping out to our favourite cafe for their delicious fruit tea.

I heard a great line on “Best friend therapy” podcast the other day where they were talking about how lots of NRPs basically have a “holiday romance” with their kids and how unhealthy that was…

some s-kids do think the world should revolve around them though 😔