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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

My DS has half sisters he barely knows

20 replies

Nancylove12 · 12/09/2022 20:01

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone has been in this situation. DH has two daughters 9 and 8 now. He hasn't seen them in 3.5 years roughly. Bio mum was quite high conflict and it was a difficult situation. We have DS who is 4 and DH cherishes him completely. We don't talk about DSS as he's just given up and seems to want to move on. I always say we'll what about our DS could you just leave him? And he says never as there is such a bond he's lived with him a his life and can't imagine it. Now my DS knows he has sisters but doesn't care much for them he has cousins he treats like siblings. Has anyone experienced a situation like this. Me and DH have a good marriage and a nice family life so for those that say leave him save it as that's pointless breaking up another family.

OP posts:

excelledyourself · 12/09/2022 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ for trollhunting

lunar1 · 12/09/2022 20:42

A person who is capable of 'moving on' from their children is capable I've moving on from all their children as soon as the next shiny objects distract them.

I've been in this position as a child, are you looking to hear that your DS is more special so it won't happen to him?

Naicehamandfruitshoots · 12/09/2022 20:56

My ex said he would never leave our dc and they were his world, right up until he had another child and he’s quite happy to not see one over the other.

So yes it’s quite possible that he will and can walk away from your child if he wishes, then will trash you and blame you for taking his child away.

Holidaydreamingagain · 12/09/2022 21:05

I absolutely believe that your step daughters mum might make it hard or impossible for your husband to see his children. However they are still of an age where a court order could address this. Even if he’s not seeing them he should be keeping in touch with regular attempts to contact them with evidence of this. If he’s not doing that I think you have a serious question as to what sort of person he is.

i know some dads who really can’t see their children despite their best efforts and the children are old enough to decide what they want to do but they keep in contact with weekly messages and emails which rarely get replied to, little gifts, keeping the door open, making sure they’re still doing in contact with school, birthday and Christmas presents and making it clear that the door is always open.
If your husband isn’t doing this in an age appropriate way you could have a problem on your hands in the future

AllTheCarsForMe · 12/09/2022 21:08

I hope he pays maintenance for his daughters?

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/09/2022 21:11

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t fight for their children.

Has he ever got legal advice?

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2022 21:20

I replied to your two other threads on the same subject where you had no children and then two and now one. I get changing details to protect your privacy but if you want advice don’t straight out lie, it wastes everyone’s time. I wrote a long thoughtful reply about how differently you’d feel if you had a child with him and it was a pointless waste as you already had one.

MN isn’t going to absolve your partner of ditching his two children. No one will. And you’ve apparently had a family with him knowing how he treated the last one.

As for what to tell your son or however many children you have you’ll just have to say daddy has two daughters, he has two sisters, none of you know them at all because dad decided he couldn’t be arsed and it’s okay as he’s moved on.

Bananarama21 · 12/09/2022 21:25

Bio mum really? She's the woman raising them whilst their df has abandoned them for a new family. We have a court system here you can represent yourself.

essex956 · 12/09/2022 23:26

So he was part of his 9 yo Dds life for 5.5 years and his 8 yo Dds life for 4.5 years....

Yet he could never leave his DS with you as he's known him 4 years?

Also a bite rude referring to the mum who has raised his 2 Dds single handedly for at least 3.5 years as bio mum. Not only is she their MUM, she's also the only parent they have showing in any interest in them

Interesting that contact with his Dds only stopped around the time his baby with his current partner arrived. Of course it was a "psycho bio-mum" but prior to that he had managed regular contact?

essex956 · 12/09/2022 23:28

i know some dads who really can’t see their children despite their best efforts

In the Uk? Find that hard to believe

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/09/2022 23:43

Well I’d expect him to keep fighting hard to see them.

it will probably work eventually, but if it it doesn’t, one day they’ll need to know he did.

It’s not good OP, is it?

HardLanding · 12/09/2022 23:45

Yet another prince of a man, who couldn’t be bothered to go to court, and has a new kid.

Well done OP, what a catch.

SpinningFloppa · 13/09/2022 00:08

My ex has an older child who my kids have never met. Before anyone has a go I didn’t actually know about his child he kept him a secret from me until I found out, we now have no contact with my ex so my children won’t be having any contact with his other child.

StClare101 · 13/09/2022 00:18

So you had a child with a man who abandoned his first two children? Lucky you! What are you seeking with your post?

malibuvalley · 13/09/2022 04:44

First, how do you really know that the SC mum was high conflict. This is your husband's version of events.

If he wanted to see his kids, he would move mountains to see them. The UK has a court system in place to act in the best interest of the children. If it is true that the mother is making it difficult for him to see his children, the courts will take appropriate action.

Does he send them presents for christmas ? for their birthdays ? Have you seen him calling his ex saying " I want to see my kids ?"

He has washed his hands off seeing his kids.

He is a great husband until he disappears again.

malibuvalley · 13/09/2022 04:46

All men will tell potential partners that their ex-wife / partner is high conflict. Hardly going to say "Yeah, she's OK. She is nice "

Holidaydreamingagain · 13/09/2022 07:40

essex956 · 12/09/2022 23:28

i know some dads who really can’t see their children despite their best efforts

In the Uk? Find that hard to believe

Yes teens, where all the court orders in the world are irrelevant if the children don’t want to. And actually they do have extremely occasional contact. And because they’re teen with their own phones their dads can keep in contact even if they get ignored most of the time

essex956 · 13/09/2022 18:02

@Holidaydreamingagain ah ok, in the case of teens I accept it's possible but not really relevant to OPs scenario

I also doubt that many teens how had consistent contact with a caring and interested father throughout their lives would be so opposed to seeing him. Probably more to the story

Holidaydreamingagain · 13/09/2022 21:43

essex956 · 13/09/2022 18:02

@Holidaydreamingagain ah ok, in the case of teens I accept it's possible but not really relevant to OPs scenario

I also doubt that many teens how had consistent contact with a caring and interested father throughout their lives would be so opposed to seeing him. Probably more to the story

I think with teens there are so many reasons why they may choose not to see one parent and it’s not necessarily that either parent has done anything more that they feel stuck in the middle of a possibly messy break up and not seeing the non resident parent is the easy option if they perceive that having a relationship with the other parent will upset the parent they live with.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 13/09/2022 23:16

It can also happen with a very young child if the mum is determined enough. You can get a court order but my family member was warned that if the mum breaches it there is no way of punishing the mum without punishing the baby.

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