Handover day - struggling to adjust

[TroublesomeTomato]

Hello,

Before anyone mentions this - I realise that handover day may possibly be hard and weird for SD who is a child, so I appreciate it is a bit silly for a grown adult to feel this way! But it is something I am really struggling with and would appreciate some advice.

I find the day that SD either arrives or leaves really hard. I think it's because I feel like I sort of have two lives and two families- one life for half the week when SD isn't here, then another life for the second half when she is here. There is a huge shift in the energy in the house when she leaves or arrives and it seems to really unsettle me! I struggle to adjust to the change and almost feel like I can't settle.

Does anyone feel this way and have any advice?

It is really affecting me and I am not sure why!

We have all been living together for 5 years so this is not a new thing.

To be honest I think you are over-thinking this. Of course the house feels different with another person in it, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. You just have to go with it. Maybe you'd feel better if you plan out an activity with her when she arrives so you know what's going to happen. It doesn't have to be anything big but you could bake a cake together or plan a film to watch or something.

Yeah maybe planning something for when she arrives will help, and also planning something for just after she goes.

I know it is normal for it to feel different, as I said I don't know why it seems to have such a negative impact on my mental health. Probably some issues with feeling unsettled in childhood or something.

I totally get it op. Thing is that to DSC this is their normal (I was a SC) so I know it can feel weird.

Routines on arrival and departure day help both me and my DSC. We both know the plan and it helps us at any rate.

I think this isn't unusual. Life is different with/without your SC around.
It's not necessarily positive or negative, it just is.

If it helps I relax and have a cup of tea and light one of my fancy candles when they have left are on their way home. It's a kind of transition. I find myself getting a little stressed out before they arrive if DH is buzzing about going oh I need to do this this and that. But he's got better at remembering to do stuff well in advance now. It is a real mind shift between the time they are here and they aren't.

Like pitchforks I found a routine for arrival and departure helped. It eases the transition adrenaline and gets your mind used to ‘accepting’ and ‘releasing’ your SC into and out of the home. You can sort of go into autopilot so it’s comforting and then feels like a home tradition.

Even if it’s something like having a brief casual ‘check in’ and ‘check out’ chat together with a drink and/or snack. To catchup (even if it’s only been a few days!), and talk about the plans for the next few days, eg what’s for dinner, even if it’s not you cooking. Then before departure a chat about what you’ll both be doing until you see each other again and plan an activity to do together for the next time.

A tradition for just yourself is a good idea too.

I'd have a look on Instagram at radical stepmom and blended family frappe if I were you

These are great ideas, thank you. Routines in general do help me in other aspects of life to this should help.

@DuchessDarty Yes I definitely think it's the transition adrenaline around 'accepting' and 'releasing' SD - you have explained that perfectly.

@Teisen1990 thanks am having a look now. So far some good stuff about prioritising mental health. I do have an anxiety disorder so this is probably related.

I'm feeling like this too at the minute OP, I don't really know why either. Just lots of anxiety for a couple of days in the run up to DSD arriving. I think as she's getting older (9), she's changing and growing up and the dynamics in our home and relationships are changing along with it that. I have always had a quick hello and chat and then busied myself for an hour or so once she arrives to let her have some time alone with her Dad but just recently I just feel a bit lost and like I'm not sure what I'm meant to be doing, like I need to get out of the way in my own home, and it's making me feel a bit weird and unnatural. No advice really, just wanted to empathise as I'm experiencing it too.