Meal

[Mealmeal]

AIBU?

My husband has two children from a previous relationship.

It is our wedding anniversary later this week and we were planning on going for a meal which we rarely get to do.

My husband's ex is having to work some overtime so we will likely be having DSC more this week but we aren't entirely sure which nights yet.

My husband said yesterday if it falls on our anniversary we can just bring the kids along to the meal. I've said if it falls on that day I'd rather just stay home and celebrate it the next evening when the DSC aren't here.

In my mind it should be like a date night, a few drinks, not having to worry about getting home for bed times when they have school the next day etc.. I just want a grown up meal basically! I'm not bothered if it's on the right night or not, happy to work it round when DSC are here but AIBU for wanting it to be just us when we do go for a meal?

At this point you might start feeling some empathy with his Ex 😂😂😂

YADBU, he's ridiculous.

Not unreasonable at all. Surely your DH is OK with your suggestion? It's not like you're saying you're refusing to have your SC because it's your anniversary.

I wouldn't bring my own children to an anniversary meal...

An anniversary meal shoukd definitely be just the two of you .

Sounds reasonable to me - I mean having the meal when the SK are with their mum sounds reasonable, not bringing them along to a romantic evening meal to celebrate an anniversary!

Is it possible your DH thinks you are keen to celebrate on the exact date so suggested a way of doing that? Or is he one of the 'DSC must never miss anything' types?

Definitely fine to postpone to another night.

YANBU, I'd do the same, the date isn't the important thing it's the event that's more important to you. We've celebrated birthdays, Mother's Day / Father's Day, even Christmas on different dates because it's suited our schedule better, I don't see why an anniversary should be different.

On our anniversary in lockdown we had a family afternoon tea at home and it was gorgeous, really enjoyed celebrating it together. But absolutely it's totally reasonable to want a date night with no kids for your anniversary.

YANBU

YANBU, an anniversary meal is for the two of you. That's not too much to ask. A family meal out is lovely, but it's a completely different occasion.

YANBU. If he’s usually a sensible sort he’ll agree. And tbh it’s fine to tell her you have plans and she’ll have to find childcare if she wants or needs to work overtime. If you generally have a very flexible set up and it’s mutual and both sides benefit then that’s great but if it’s always her changing plans he’s perfectly reasonable to decline and say he’s busy.

YANBU. I can't think the kids would want to go either. It's bizarre. He's not thinking straight

YANBU. At all.

Your DH is being weird.

As you aren't the mother of his children then why would yours and his wedding anniversary be something they would want to celebrate?

While I do know individual teen and adult step-children who are happy they have a particular step-parent who their parent has been married to for years, their own siblings, so other step-children in the same family, had a different idea.

As you aren't the mother of his children then why would yours and his wedding anniversary be something they would want to celebrate? and even if yoy were their mother it's still weird IMO!

It doesn’t sound like he said “no” when you countered with your suggestion of a different night, so just tell him again that going alone on a different night is your preference.

Sometimes people might just be innocently throwing out ideas; if you’re trained to feel like your vote doesn’t count, it can be hard to speak up for a different option even if the other person isn’t actually trying to run the show.