Helping one DSC but not the other

[loudlylikealion]

I have two DSC, I don't treat them as my own, I have more of an aunty relationship with them I guess. Anyway, don't want to be tooo outing here so sorry if this is annoyingly written.

DSC 1 has a musical hobby, I think it's a real talent and I wish to nurture it. There are qualifications and they want to do them, they are doing well. Do anyway, Mum and Dad pay for lessons and I decided to help pay towards the key bit of equipment and now as lessons have got more expensive I've decided to pay a (admittedly small) contribution towards these.

DSC 2 has a sporting hobby, tbh they aren't naturally talented in it, it's more a fun thing for them to do Mum and Dad pay for lessons.

Am I being a right moo for not paying towards DSC 2s hobby? I am aren't I. I just can't bring myself to do it as it just seems like a bit of fun. What do I do? I'm going to have to start paying towards it I think?

Is there much of an age difference?
has anyone (the DC or their parents ) questioned your contribution to one and not the other?
could you revisit it when the younger DC is the age the older one is now and if they are still keenly involved in the sport consider it then?
is it a lot of money ?

This is tricky but ultimately you're not obliged to pay for either of them so you are within your rights to only pay for what you want to.

Has ds2 questioned this at all? Children aren't stupid and I they often understand things like this more than we give them credit for.

What I would probably do is pay for the equipment as a birthday/Christmas present. I'd be wary on the ongoing commitment of paying towards the lessons indefinitely.

Also does the second DC even require a lot of money for their hobby atm?

And by helping pay for older DC you’re taking some pressure off the parents to pay for younger DC is another way of looking at it

or you could nurture SDC2 in other ways, contribution to driving lessons when they’re older for example

I suppose it also depends on how much the DC are aware of - if older DC has been given a brand new violin costing thousands and younger is wearing second hand football boots then yes that would be unfair to them

Some hobbies are costly. Some aren't. Obviously 1 dc could need more money thrown at them. That's fine.
Not like you bought 1 and McFlurry and not the other 1!!

It's that sort of situation yes.

Mum and Dad are obviously aware (Dad is my DH). Mum has asked DH how much "we" are contributing towards DSC2's hobby this year. I may be reading too much into the "we".

could you revisit it when the younger DC is the age the older one is now and if they are still keenly involved in the sport consider it then? ooh yes! Good shout. I could say I'll reconsider once the youngest gets to the age the eldest was when I started contributing. That sounds like it's fairest really.

Dh can contribute whatever he wants. Do not commit to anything imo. She sounds bordering on cfuckery to me.

To be honest I think there is as much value in supporting a child to do something just because they enjoy it!

but I do get that you’re not going to spend thousands on top level football kit for someone who just likes Tom kick about with it.

im an auntie - and if this situation arose I’d reallly clearly state that I’ve put the same amount away for ds2 to use when he finds something he needs

Oh there you’ve got you’ve basically just said the same thing! Ie after he reaches this age the money will be there if he needs it

Yes I'm not sure I'll go as far as promising it, but just say I'll think about it once youngest gets to the same age the eldest was. I think becuase they aren't the same hobby the costs are a bit like comparing apples with pairs. If there are competitions to be entered etc I guess thats like an exam in way I just don't feel as compelled to help out.

Yep I think the key thing is just to clearly say that you don’t want anyone to think your favouring one over the other and if similar things comes up with the other kid you’d def thikk no about that too

in my experience it’s better just to say these things really clearly - hopefully so that the younger kid can hear it - and then there can’t be an issue because it’s all out in the open!

although my niblings now roll their eyes when I do my speech about how I got sick and such for a but I’ll do the same for b and c when they need it etc!