Wills & Finances

[callofthewild]

DH has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship and we then have 2 DC together. We own a house jointly (although on balance I have probably contributed around 65% of the equity / mortgage/ overpayments over the years). I then have a flat from before I met DH and he still owns the former marital home from his first marriage.To my mind in our will each of our halves of our estate should be split between our biological children ie mine is split between my two DC and his half is split 3 ways. When I've mentioned this before to DH he's reluctantly agreed but I can tell he's not happy about it. SDC is unlikely to inherit much from her DM / her maternal family but I don't see that it's my responsibility to make up for that. To add a bit more general context it would be fair to say I have contributed significantly more money into our marriage than DH and I don't see why my DC should miss out later down the line especially as DH has had a hugely negative impact on our finances over the years (which is a whole other thread but leaves me increasingly resentful). I'm just curious as to how others would approach this, thanks.

Isn't it fascinating how posters can claim that it's unfair for the SM not to treat the children equally, the in the next breath say that it's fine for the children's shared father to discriminate?
The trips these minds must go on...

Don't leave a lump sum if you do want to do this after care home fees etc or whatever life throws they may end up with more than DC. Always do a % amount. The solicitor will talk you through.

It's really weird.. I need a diagram to even begin to understand how some of these suggestions are remotely "fair" for everyone, including the Step parent.

Everything is fair when the step child benefits, you know? But if another child benefits even slightly more , from their own parents, it's not fair. Come on get with the programme!

Ahh I seee there was a rule book thread round here somewhere. I need to swot up.

Except, say, eldest DC (DC1)'s mother (DCM) remarries late in life an older chap who has no other children /relatives and consequently masses of ££££ from the sale of his business, and as he doesn't want to leave his fortune to the dog's home, so he leaves his wealth to DCM, then when she dies DC1 DOES inherit several millions that OPs kids won't. (Happened to a friend of mine's stepbrother)

We don't know what the future holds.

Once all the carehome fees come out there won’t be much to squabble over

Sometimes the situation is reversed. I've seen a thread from a mother with 2 children with different fathers - her DH1 was much more wealthy than DH2, meaning the older child had fancy trainers, iPads etc that the younger half-sib didn't. In that situation I could totally empathise with the mother wanting to spend more of the household budget on DC2 to try to provide them with as similar a lifestyle as possible, and (assuming a large inheritance from the father for DC1) I could also understand an uneven distribution of the assets of the new family in favour of the younger DC in the will.

And the SD could inherit from a grandparent or aunt/uncle and end up with more than the OP’s kids.
The fair way is to leave what is yours equally between your own children.

Thanks everyone for your comments.
To clarify a couple of questions asked, my flat and DH's house are probably worth around the same. The flat is owned in my name solely and DH has never financially contributed to it. DH's house is owned solely in his name but has over the years had a significant amount of our family money put into it.
To me I think all my flat plus half our joint home should go to my two DC and then all his house plus his half of our joint home should be split equally between his three children. For any wider savings/investments of which there is very little again these should be split in half and then split as before.
I do agree with the point a previous poster made that somehow in life you're expected to not be equal or have any say in things yet suddenly in death everything must be equal and if I'm honest that irks me.

made that somehow in life you're expected to not be equal or have any say in things yet suddenly in death everything must be equal and if I'm honest that irks me.

I'm enjoying this thread running in tandem with another about sm doing stuff that's fun and overstepping mums role and sm being called a CF (even though dad has completely vacated the building and left all the work to sm)

It seems treat them as your own and all equal again only applies to money and the negative stuff.

No way!!

I agree OP, you are effectively giving his other child inheritance if you make it even, and why should you! Thats his mothers guilt to bear.

I think it depends on your relationship with his step daughter and how long you have been in her life really. And the relationship she has with her half siblings.

Well, I expect anything I have will be swallowed up by care bills, but in the event I drop in the street, my situation is even more complicated

No children of my own, but a large contingent of DNs and DSibs. DH has adult children, and I have only shared my home with the younger ones. Still working on the details, but I'm inclined to treat my younger DSC as extra nieces and nephews.

Their relationship with their half-siblings is irrelevant to their step-parent.

It's the step-parents own relationship with their step-child that is relevant.

Oh and I'm not leaving my SC anything. However I will instill what my parents instilled in me with my DD, that is you help your siblings, whether they are half or full, and their children.

I am not really happy but my Father has said me and a younger will get money from him as he knows we don't have it.
The other two have money and they have bought houses etc.
I actually don't want it as can see the other two with money can be nasty.
I said me and younger brother going to get a lot of flack. I think bonds money should be left for all the grandkids.
Tbh want my dad to live forever. Money is not everything's for me. I know why he done it though but I wasn't happy at all.

In your situation split it all fairly.. suppose it depends on how well they all do in life too.