DSC's Xmas gift spending. Whats normal

[Rose7728]

Hi

Just seeing what people generally spend on DSC's xmas boxes? I have 3 DSC 16, 22,23 (so not really children as you can see) however the past 2 years i have spoiled them (long story but mom does not buy for 23 yo) so perhaps i have over compensated in the past. This year with the cost of living and a few additional expensive bills ive had i feel bad that i cant afford it this year so question is what sort of limit should i be looking at?

If it helps we dont live together so i run my house on my own. DF generally gives them a pot of £350 not sure on mom but usually around £150 for the 22 and 16 yo. Just seeking some sensible advice as i do feel really bad i cant spoil them this year. Thanks

Why is it your place to spoil them though?

if you are their father’s partner the gift comes from both of you. There’s no need to buy a separate gift.

Before my Step Dad moved in with us (so I guess wasn't technically my step dad, just Mums DP) he used to buy us token gifts. Usually something jokey. I got inflatable slippers one year.

Now presents are from Mum and step dad jointly.

Dad and step mum do the same.

I can understand stopping at 21 but why did the 22 year old get a present but not 23?

They are old enough to understand that money isn’t as abundant this year so explain that. Just get them a present each but worth less. Spend the same on all of them.

I don't think there's a "normal" amount to spend and there's no rules that you can't get them a seperate present from their dad either. I get my DSC seperate presents because I enjoy picking out things I think they'll like and it works for ya.

Just get what you want and can comfortably afford.

Because she’s a nice person and she likes her SCs and she likes doing it.

Just a wild guess.

@Thereisnolight spot on its just in my nature. i love picking individual stuff out that i know will make them smile etc, im probably considered a generous person and i love doing it.

@Sswhinesthebest the 23 yo does not have any relationship with mom, so mom likes to spoil the other 2. very long story of which is not really for this post.

Maybe i should chip in extra with dad? but then i feel its more him contributing than me.

I dont think they ever expect me to buy lots but just in my own head i feel bad but i guess this year especially with their ages i will just wind it back to what i can afford :-(

Thanks for the advice everyone

Well it would be from you and your husband, therefore whatever you would spend on your own DC would the the same as what you spend on his biological DC. Not sure why you would even have to ask this

@wast542 i have no biological children, and my DP has 3 so with fairly new experience of being around them and pondering what is "normal" over xmas

Well I would never spend as much as you have in the past, but money is subjective. Personally I'd properly spend about £30-50 on any one person.

But regardless, I think you need to treat them as the mature young adults they should be and not feel bad about lavishing them with hundreds of pounds. They shouldn't expect that and should especially be able to understand when things are tight. My own mum didn't spend that much on me at that age and she was generous and well off! It would be a lot to expect.

Just buy what you can afford.
Maybe pick up a few bits now but only buy what you can afford.
They are adults and not young children & you are not even their parent so anything from you is a lovely extra.

In the past I've left all Xmas spending to DH to pick up the main present (circa £150 each) for two late teenagers, I've then been in charge of picking up a few extra nice bits that they'd like. SS always wants nice pj bottoms or designer sports socks/, a selection box of smellies, make up palette for SD, relatively cheap
Perfume etc. one year we got them cool Xmas jumpers, one year it was stuff for their car, I've never spent more than about £30 but DH says I'm good at hunting cool bits down (I know it's a cop out from him as he'll order 1 gift online somewhere!) but it's nice for me to feel as though I've contributed somehow.

It's lovely that you enjoy choosing bits for them. And I hope they appreciate that. It could be 30-£50. All is acceptable! And don't spend more on one child

I'm spending £10- £15 on each this year dad buys them a seperate present. We do the same with my kid but I spend a bit more on my own.

The thing is if you spend too much I find they loose their sparkle. 10 amazing things isn't 10 x more amazing than 3 amazing things. They are probably less amazement per item.

I don't think there are any rules or 'normal' when it comes to spending, really depedson your situation. Agree with PPs saying the gift comes from both of you, though. Basically anything from you personally would be a lovely adding that is unexpected, and you certainly don't have to go all over the top if you don't want to/can't to and there is nothing to feel guily about. You can make something like a family photo calendar or a Christmas video card as a part of the gift that comes from you personally and it would be enough.

ugh
*depends on

I give my adult stepsons about £100 worth gift (their father is dead though I presume their mother buys them gifts). Once I gave them theatre vouchers and is was £140 each (so enough for two people). They will both have children this Christmas (one already has, the other is expecting) so will probably skip buying for the adults and concentrate on the babies that are much more fun to buy for! We are not particularly close.

thank you everyone for your advice and perspectives, think i will just budget approx £50 to £100 for each of them and thats it. Im sure they will understand that me and dad have had a very expensive year between us so i will just try and get them personalised gifts :-) again thanks

I buy what I think they'd like and put a lot of time and effort into what I get them. It annoys me that my DH seems to put so little effort into buying for his kids though. He usually gives them cash.

I think, especially this year that people would understand budget constraints.

I'm sorry I'm struggling to see what the problem is. Worrying about this is ludicrous imo.

These are not little children. Two of them are fully fledged adults! I was living independently by the older ones age and was married not long after! All of them are well old enough to understand things are more expensive this year and I think if any of them even thought let alone expressed disappointment at less presents this year they'd be incredibly entitled.

I would absolutely horrified at their ages at the thought of my dad's partner worrying about not being able to afford spoiling me. Genuinely. They are ADULTS. They don't need spoiling in this way certainly not when it's no longer affordable!

Buy them a gift but keep it well within the realms of affordability (I wouldn't even spend £100 each personally! Again I find that insane for adults that you don't even live with and have only known a couple of years). And don't even feel bad for a second. I'm sure if they are as lovely as they must be for you to want to do this, then they will not be bothered for a second!

Oh and you don't need to make up for the older ones mum being a dick.

Surely this depends on age! My dad tends to give me cash some years but I'm bloody grateful for it at my age (27 so not much older than OP eldest SC!)

And I think spending by my parents into the hundreds of pounds had stopped by the time I reached my twenties at least! Likely earlier I can't remember exactly. Each to their own but I'd think my parents had gone mad if they still spent £500 on me at Christmas at the older twos ages!

I’d get them something inexpensive and thoughtful - favourite food items, cinema voucher, book.

I don’t think 22/23 yos need/expect piles of Christmas gifts?

I think, especially when it comes to step families there are no norms, we just do what's right in our own individual situations. It's really lovely you want to buy them nice presents and absolutley no problem to make them just from you, which I know wasn't what you were asking.
It's easy to overcompensate for dsd's. For many years, while my own children were young, I defieitely spent much more on my DSC's. I would say carry on getting thoughtful gifts within the budget you can afford.