What age is too old to apply sun cream to a teen?

[Chichila]

Feel like what I am seeing is a bit weird but I am not sure it’s just different to my own parenting of teens

@Dontknownow86 odd how everyone's ignored that

OP why don’t you just say whatever it is you’re trying to say in plain English instead of dancing around it?

Back never to old my mum put suncream on my back yesterday and i did hers.

My 4, 5 and 7yr olds do their own arms, legs and face (with supervision and help if needed) so i wouldnt expect a teenager to need legs done for them

Well quite. So why does she need to ask us?

Either she’s seen something clearly iffy, in which case divorce and social services.

Or else she’s seen something inappropriate enough that she should at least be having a word with her DH.

Or it’s fine.

We don’t know what she saw, and she won’t even explain exactly what she’s asking.

He's her dad, not some random bloke. If the girl herself feels uncomfortable, and he's forcibly manhandling her, that's concerning, but OP hasn't said that. Different families have different boundaries around bodies, nudity, touch etc - it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. And it certainly isn't for a stepparent to say she's "too old" if she and her dad are happy.

Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. OP has given minimal context, because she obviously wants everyone to say it’s inappropriate/creepy etc but if she feels like that then she needs to have a look at her husband.

Then we agree. 🙂

I'd say back is fine, but legs - which you can easily reach yourself - is a bit weird and mollycoddling.

I dunno why everyone is giving OP a hard time. She’s witnessed something that she feels slightly uncomfortable with. She’s asking if it’s a normal thing because if everyone turns around and says ‘oh DH always does suncream on our teen DDs legs’ she won’t have risked interfering in her husbands parenting or in his father/daughter relationship. As a stepparent I imagine it’s a tricky tightrope to walk. On the other hand if everyone says ‘actually no, DH stopped doing this when DD was 7 or 8’ she has a different frame of reference. The back is a red herring. Everyone needs help with that and it’s clearly not that that’s bothering the OP.

OP I think it would be ok to say to your DH that you remember being a teenage girl and your SD might prefer to do her own suncream apart from her back. You could buy spray suncream too and he could spray her legs if it’s tricky to do the backs? Unless there are looming red flags I would imagine it’s just something they’ve always done - children sometimes seem to have grown up very suddenly.

Hi all - no noting concerning more of the baby-ing thing I guess

my 10 year old daughter does her own legs for eg and I can’t imagine her dad doing it for her

but I posted really to gauge what is ‘normal’ for a 17 year old as I haven’t any exp of that age

Seventeen getting cream rubbed into her legs by her dad? Yes odd

Legs is weird yeah

I don't see much issue. I got my OH to do the backs of my thighs recently as I was concerned that I may burn there as despite all our efforts on day 1 of our holiday, some of us burned in places (that was 3 x applications of once a day p20 factor 50, covering up and staying out of the mid day sun!). I was extra cautious the next day in getting all of us to help each other and go over things twice. My children are 20, 9 and 7 and SD 5. Eldest wasn't with us, but when he was last holidays at 17 I definitely did his back. No need to do thighs as he wore long swim shorts. All the other 3 had theirs done for them, although by the end of the holidays they were all doing their arms and legs, with us going over them just in case. However for girls and women who are wearing high leg bikinis the whole thigh and even some of the buttocks need doing if sunbathing.
I would think families help each other out with that kind of thing without feeling too concerned. Age doesn't really factor in to it in my opinion. If my eldest came to me saying there was a problem with his genitals (for example) and he wanted me to check, would I? Yes. Am I a pervert? No. Just a parent who will help their child no matter their age.
This has just reminded me that my eldest has even applied fake tan on my back for me when I was single and had no one to do it for me (for a special occasion, it isn't something I do more than once a year!). My mum would do it too if she was there. Same as I'd do it for her. If I asked my dad, I reckon he would too tbh!
But yeah, it's just a parenting thing surely? I really don't see a big deal with bodies and families seeing each other though.
If they are comfortable, then it is fine. It's one of those situations where I feel it is a you problem, not a them problem. If you feel uncomfortable - walk away. Unless this is more than DH applying suncream on his 17 year old daughter. Because on the face of it there is no issue. Telling DH is surely going to cause perhaps irreversible damage to the relationship. I'd leave a partner if they made a veiled accusation like this.

But is he simply spraying the suncream onto his 17yo's legs and she's rubbing it in herself?

Or is he rubbing it in himself?

I don't think it's necessarily babying. Sure it might be something she can do herself but it might just be something he does in autopilot mode because he's always done it for her. Maybe he does it because he knows she might not do it properly and would rather just make sure it's done properly. Maybe she finds doing the back of her legs difficult standing up, I don't know. She can clearly do her face/arms/chest and stomach so there must be a reason.

To make sure my teens put it on properly (as they haven't always), I think I've threatened to do it myself, as has DH. If they said yes go ahead, I would have, as would DH. Putting sunscreen on and including all the relevant body parts is something I have to occasionally nag my teens about and supervise proper application.

17 year olds can think oh I can't be bothered and it doesn't matter as my legs will be in the water etc. They can frequently prefer the path of least resistance.

Back seems reasonable, legs she should probably do herself but it's not inherently weird. If it's a spray, it's often way easier to get someone to spray the legs and them you can rub it in. Most IMO work quite badly upside down.

I am not a fan of this “concerned about the way my husband and stepdaughter interact” sub genre of thread myself

This. I always think it seems like a fishing exercise.

Definitely sus

DS is a strapping 6ft tall 17 year old who will happily stand there whilst I rub sun cream on the hard to reach bits, if I don't he'll be lovely and brown face on but from behind will look like a lobster. DS quite happy to do my back too. It's just rubbing in sun cream, putting something on which could actually save a life and stop minor or extreme discomfort, it's not done weird sensual massage.

You’ve completely missed my point.

Depends on their flexibility

My DD is 13 and I still put hers on. Her dad does apply it but no way she would let him near her bum/legs. She found a lump near her groin and called me and sent photos rather than getting her dad to look at it. It turns out it was a spot but she would rather a doctor/stranger saw it than her dad.

I still need help now and I’m in my 30s!! Went on holiday with all the family and do not care who sticks sunscreen on me as long as I’m covered. I’ve no awkwardness around my family, and they would happily help to prevent me getting skin cancer. What do you think happens in later life? My parents had to help grandparents clean themselves after soiling incidents. If you think something’s weird it’s nothing to do with sunscreen, so if you think there is an actual problem you need to speak out.

@SnowWhitesSM

You are aware that darker skin 'not burning' means nothing from a skin cancer perspective?

The most common form of melanoma in people with dark skin, acral lentiginous melanoma has a prevalence rate of just 2–8% in white people, but 35–60% in people with dark skin. The 5-year survival rate is much lower, at 66.1% . It commonly appears on the soles of the feet and under the nails.

www.aad.org/public/diseases/skin-cancer/types/common/melanoma/skin-color