Taa daa - curtain drop

[SnowWhitesSM]

Some of you may remember my awful experience of being a step mum - sassbot, magda, candles and fish - you really helped me see through the curtain 💐. I have wavered at times but stayed strong post break up and have built a lovely life. Sometimes it's really hard as we did get on so well before step parenting got in the middle of us but his behaviour when he's upset (he is cruel, contemptuous and unkind) is why I'll keep away from the man.

Well soon to be exh rings me with - Snow I was so out of order to use my son against you and put him in the middle of our marriage. I let my kid rule the roost and call the shots and I'm sorry I made it so shit for you. I'm sorry I didn't deal with mine and my sons issues and made you the bad guy.

I'm still not getting back with the twat, I'll never trust him again. It was nice to get the apology and validation though. Usually if/when we speak he continues the narrative that he's a great dad and putting his kids wants over everyone elses needs is him being a good dad! Kids come first doncha know 🙄

@SnowWhitesSM you will get there with being yourself it just takes time but you are recognising you are changed which is a huge step on back to being yourself. I am amazed he has been so compliant with the divorce which is nothing but a blessing for you.

@Vie8126 I had him over a barrel - his dm signed her house over to him and his sister whilst we were married to avoid having to sell for care hime fees/inheritance tax. As it was an asset procured in the marriage I could have been a lot more tricker than I have been, so he's left my pension, house and car alone. I've left his business, mums house and cars alone and it's worked out fine. With the divorce we did it jointly, he told me that he wanted us to get divorced to start again at the finish and work to get remarried in the future! I am obviously not doing that. There have been incidents and worrying things but I've just pressed on and not got dragged into conflict with him.

I do wish I had my sense of humour and the ability to not take things so personal back. I miss that about myself.

he's left my pension, house and car alone. I've left his business, mums house and cars alone

This sounds very fair.

Oh, I’ve had the ‘let’s get divorced because the problem is simply being married. We can just divorce and stay together’ bullshit.

No. Because:

1. The problem is not being married; it’s that he’s an arsehole and treats me poorly. Being married would be totally fine if I’d married a decent man. Not being married doesn’t change who he is.
2. The logic he’s employing is pure gaslighting. It’s telling me that he’s looking out for my health while feeding me deadly poison.

@SnowWhitesSM amazing well done you! Divorce is always tricky even when straightforward at times.

Don’t put any pressure on yourself and one day it will fall into place you’ve been through it and it’s a trauma we don’t get married to set out to get divorced regardless of you wanting it it’s still trauma. You are doing the right things surrounding yourself with friends and physically having fun the emotional side will fall into place one day without you realising it.

@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander omg they say the same script don't they. He has told me numerous times that the pressure of being a husband led him to be in a shit situation (aka our marriage) and that's why he was super sensitive about his ds and felt like I was horrible about dss (yeah so horrible 🙄) and that's why he constantly attacked me. It's absolute bullshit but I did play slightly along to get him to sign the divorce in April but that was months and months ago.

@Vie8126 thank you lovely. I definitely feel like I'm on the right track.

@SandyY2K yes I think it's completely fair too and I'm very glad his dm did that so he had to play ball.