Stepchildren and policing messages

[NinaBernina]

My stepchildren both now have their own phones, Mum apparently has an app that allows her to control see what’s going on on them (fair enough) Dad doesn’t have the same app as she bought the phones.
does anyone know if this app, (sorry don’t know which one it is) could mean she might be stopping Dad’s WhatsApp messages to them getting through? Anyone heard of anything like this happening? Thanks

If there’s an issue dad should talk to mum.how old are the kids ? If they are both parenting then they should both have the app if that’s what they want

Do you have reason to think mum is blocking dad's messages?

I ask as your post on the face of it seems a bit of a leap.

I have Google/android phones/tablets and I can control what apps my dc have and how much time each day and when they can use them. Perfectly sensible in my view. (My dcs dad also has the same control as we are part of a google family group).

The problem I guess with split parenting is that yes I can block WhatsApp on my dds phone overnight for example - which meant if her dad was messaging her at 11pm it wouldn't get read until the following morning.

There are ways around this in that dcs could use a specific app to contact dad which remains unblocked? Or dad is also given control so he can see when blocked?

I mean I guess she could block him on their phones. Do you have any reason to suspect that she would do this? Does she generally try to damage the relationship between your husband and his children?

DSD's mum has the parental controls for DSC's app as they all have Android and DP has Apple but she has never attempted to use them to come between DP and the kids.

You can’t block individual messages. You can clock an app but the messages would be there when it’s unblocked.

I regularly block my child’s phone until he’s done his chores 😂😂😂

The safety apps you describe can block individual apps however there is nothing stopping her from blocking their dad's number in what's app so it doesn't show.

You could test this by texting a stupid age appropote emoji or meme when you know their phone is on loud and they are in the same room.

They could at least hazard a better guess if their just being teens and ignoring dad or if their is something more.

For what it's worth DSS is under strict instructions that if either of his parents ask for his phone at Any point he is to hand it over immediately but I'm assuming no such arrangement exists with you DSC phone.

Is it the app when they can track the phones location ? I hated that. I felt like myself and my family were being stalked.

Thanks for the replies, to answer some questions, no they are not in any way amicable, completely hostile if truth be told. Coparenting is practically impossible, Dad can’t express any concern for anything the children do/don’t do without it becoming a drama.
it sounds as though it’s not possible to block individual messages, and they do sometimes reply, so it may well just be the children being lazy and not replying to Dad! Before meeting my partner I could never understand a parent using their children as a weapon to hurt their ex, but unfortunately it happens quite frequently in this household!

I’m really not sure what it is, and I hadn’t even thought about that but I wouldn’t put it past her to do that! And now it’ll be all I’m thinking about when we take them on holiday!

I'm pretty certain that WhatsApp can't be controlled as it's encrypted. However, my ex-h's controlling jealous girlfriend used to delete records of DS trying to contact his Dad. Then I'd get it in the neck that DS hadn't called him as per the court order. Ex wasn't allowed control of his own phone. It's all fucking ridiculous if you ask me.

That's not to say she can't go into your SC's phones and block their Dad's number. She can't do that from her own phone though.

The tracking is easy on android. For android you can add it to a google account and it will tell you the phones location. You'd just need access to the phone to input a code sent to make sure it's your phone. So she could do this. I usually have location off on my phone, but I don't think it needs location on to tell you where it is.

The not answering though, could really just be the DC being teens rather than anything else. Your DP/DH might want to look into parallel parenting, it's designed for high conflict situations where parents can't communicate.

@NinaBernina
Yes the location tracking part used to really bother me. I could just imagine someone sitting there watching where we are at all times!!
We just had rules and times they could use devices. We used to turn them off completely in the day time and they could have them in the evening.

You can turn the location off whilst you are on holiday or whilst you have the kids. You'd need to do it on the phones though. If the kids don't agree then dad needs to tell them to ditch the phones whilst they are with you and they dont leave the house, don't take them on holiday etc. (The phones I mean!)

Unless they have roaming paid for - some networks include it some don't now - then location etc will be useless abroad