DSC seeing grandparents

[Ontomatopea]

Hi, I was wondering generally how often your DSC visit their grandparents? So my DH's parents want the DSC to go and stay with them without DH and he's on two minds. He only gets to see them himself every other weekend, one night every other week and for half the holidays. So he's thinking in the holidays it might be possible but I think he's finding it hard to give up some of "his" time to them. Just trying to gauge what others do.

Yes already as it is we see them a considerable amount considering the distances involved. I understand it will never be enough for them but they've had many years to get to grips with the separation. They seem to think the DSC's mum should "give DH" more time with them to take them to stay with them. But that's not how it works, he has to facilitate it on his time.

How old are the children and do they want to go?

Are there any days when they would otherwise be at holiday club / childminder that they could go? If Dad does the running around and Mum gets to save money on childcare for her time that might be a good solution?

My. Fathers parents communicated with my mother and arranged time for me to spend w them without it "eating" into the time I was with my dad. Would that be a possibility? Especially in summer holidays of they want them.for a period it coild resolve some childcare issues.

Teen and nearly teen. They are reluctant to go.

Guessing h parents were arseholes to his ex? Dropped her when their marriage failed?

why do they have zero connection with her directly?

Good shout re the childcare. The ex doesn't like any contact with DH's parents but yes if DH suggests it he can see what she says.

Actually no. She doesn't want them to contact her. Which is fair enough. They however keep sending her birthday and christmas cards which DH has asked them to stop on her behalf they do not listen and assume it is DH being silly.

At that age if they don't want to go I wouldn't force them. Try some family time together including days out with grandparents

For what it's worth you have about the same custody we have of DSS and he goes and spends a couple of days a year at his aunts but he gets really excited and loves his aunty B days. We don't always get all the leave we need to cover his half his holidays so for a day or 2 of our time he goes there when we're working. But as I said previously I wouldn't force a child that doesn't want to go.

How far away are GPs? Could DH hake them for lunch out with his sons or go to stay for two days/one night inc some time out of house to stop teen boys getting stir crazy?

At those ages can't he just have them a few extra days? Does she work, or have a social life, I would think free babysitting would be useful

If the boys wanted to go, I would definitely suggest offering the grandparents up to DSC mum as free childcare for some part of her time during the holidays. I don't know many parents who wouldn't jump at the chance for free childcare for a few days without all the running around/paying for clubs etc.

But it sounds like there is a poor relationship between DSC mum and the grandparents, the grandparents don't respect boundaries and the boys don't want to spend that much one-on-one time with their grandparents without their dad there to dilute things a bit.

I think the most your DH can do is ask his ex nicely if he could have more time with the boys (and potentially this will help her out with childcare) and then visit the grandparents with the boys. But I wouldn't be sending two children to their grandparents on their own who didn't really want to go. It all sounds a bit intense for them, which is difficult for that age group.

Why are they reluctant to go visit them?

I don't think they should be forced to visit them a lot.

They certainly shouldn't be forced to stay with them if they don't want to.

We see GPS pretty much every weekend we have DSS as they live locally to him and not us. Generally speaking I would say your DH was being a bit precious not being willing to give up even an occasional EOW of nuclear family time for a visit, but that's if the kids were keen really. From your last thread, your PIL sound generally overbearing and a bit of a PITA so not really people I would be that keen on trying to be super close to.

Yeah I think maybe you're on to something. More family time with them included. I guess it's harder for them to build a relationship. It's a fair distance away from their mum and us. Maybe they'll be up for it after a couple more school trips away.

She works but not in the holidays (works in a school) but she might appreciate the childcare angle if she wants to prep for next school year maybe?

Haha yes that's right. Yes I think he is being a bit precious, especially as they get get older and are going to want to alter contact a bit to do things. As pp have said also I wouldn't feel comfortable forcing my kids to go if they didn't want to.

At their ages and not keen on seeing them much I absolutely wouldn’t suggest overnights, DH should be led by his children not his parents.