Would you get involved if you didn't agree with your husband on something regarding DSC?

[InvolvedOrNot]

It's nothing huge but I feel my husband is being unfair on DSC in one area at the moment and I don't know whether to get involved. I've hinted before that I think he's not handling it properly but it seems to be a difference of opinion. I don't know whether I should push it more or accept that they are his kids and stay out of it.

It's nothing major like abuse or anything. It's very minor in comparison to that sort of thing obviously!

I’ve always said something to DH in a respectful way and he’s generally taken it on board. I work with children though so he does appreciate that I have some knowledge

I’ve always been honest and he appreciates an opinion. Why wouldn’t you speak up? Do you think he’d be angry?

An example from a few years ago: DSD liked to help, had to get involved in everything, keen to learn etc. DSS far more self contained, pretty lazy but not in a bad way, happy to watch life go by and have things done for him. And DH would get annoyed when DSD started something then got bored and wandered off, could he making a meal or doing something in the garden etc. So I asked if he’d thought about praising her for getting stuck in and wanting to be involved and not to be surprised when she got bored as at least she’d had a go. He didn’t realise his expectations of DSD had got higher than DSS who he expected to prefer lazing around playing Lego or reading a book.

He thought about it, realised I was being fair and took a different approach which made him appreciate DSD’s efforts more and encourage DSS to get off his arse and do stuff more.

Sometimes things are clear when someone else points them out.

I have to say we now have the opposite dynamic where DSD is obsessed with bloody tiktok and barely moves and DSS is very practical and has a lot of initiative at the moment. It’s just what happens, nothing stays the same!

Don't know if that’s of any use at all…

If you've already raised it and you're not concerned for dsc's safety or well being i wouldn't push it.

Do you have your own DC together or expect to in future? If yes it is worth the discussion now as it will impact on how you parent them too in the future

I wouldn't hint. If it's something you think is unfair on the children and its happening in your house I'd have a proper discussion about it. Make sure you stress its ultimately up to him and you're just commenting on what you see as a sort of outsider.

I'm along the lines of this.
Then in general we will have a discussion and agree a new course of action. Obviously if he disagrees with me it's his call but I can't say he's ever been dismissive of my opinion

I mean I would mention it, like I would if I was looking after my niece, friends child, my child or DSD.

If it's a big takes convo obviously you have to approach carefully but communication should never be seen as a bad thing.

Yes, I would raise it. I wouldn't hint, I would have a respectful honest conversation, state my piece and then hear him out and most likely defer unless it affected others. I would do the same with my DH about anything - we are married to help each other and sometimes two heads are better than one.

Yes we are having a bit of a disagreement at the min but I've said what I think, ultimately it's my DH decision.

Nothing to fall out over but we have a total different view of something.